I've been playing for nigh on 7 years now and in the majority of that time I have had a soft spot for Theme lists. I had a little softspot for Iron Fang Pikemen with Irusk, partly because it was so effective and because it was so fun. I have a Unit of Ironfang Pikemen with the Unit Attachments, and I also got the Great Bears of Gallowswood who are a ridiculously good character unit.
When the Sorscha Winter Guard list came around I collected as many Winter Guard models as I could. I still have about 20 Winter Guard Infantry sitting about in a cardboard box or blisters, with the Unit Attachment and 4 Weapon Attachments (I got a fourth one as a prize), 2 Mortar Crews, Kovnik Joe, Beast-09 (though he goes with everyone). Eventually I'll pick up a box of Winter Guard Riflemen. And my Epic Sorscha (Cos I didn't like Normal Sorscha because she was too good) is still floating about, broken and mostly unpainted.
Jeez that was a ridiculously good list. Epic Sorscha was a monster, and giving Winter Guard Tough as part of her Elite Cadre... Phwoar!
But as time becomes more and more popular, things change to keep with the running Trend. Whether it's Parachute Pants and the confidence of not being touchable, or adjusting everything to make everyone a little happier, it's going to happen. And it did. Mark II arrived and with it came Themed lists for each Warcaster according to a particular Theme based on Stories features in the previous expansion books.
So I've been playing around with these lists, seeing how cheaply a tiered list can be made, and discovered a few things. One of which is that certain casters can field cheap heavy Warjacks and at fairly good effect. Vlad is an example of this, fielding 8 Berserkers at 35 points. And Epic Severius fielding 8 Crusaders at 35 points. I find it a tad ridiculous, but interesting. If I could see myself investing in so many figures, I would totally give the list a chance.
The Themed lists aren't exceptional. They give players small bonuses to be used for the beginning of the game, such as a +1 bonus to the starting roll, or placing clouds across the table, or even giving an advance move or deploy to particular models. Or they can give bonuses that can change the way you form your list, such as giving models at no cost, or adjusting the points of a particular model (like in the examples above with Vlad and Epic Severius). These bonuses are not exceptional though. They won't change a game dramatically.
To get the bonuses, though, one has to complete a Prerequisite. The first prerequisite is to follow a list of Models and Units you're allowed to have. Once you have that, You have Tier 1. Then with Tiers 2 through 4, you must add certain models to your army to get the bonus of each Tier.
There are two Tier 4 Themed lists that I find easy to attain and are also varied enough to give plenty of options, or are just plain ol' fun.
Name: 101st Iron Rain
Points: 35
Kommander Sorscha Kratikoff
Beast-09
Destroyer
Juggernaut
Winter Guard Infantry (Min)
^Rocketeer (1)
Winter Guard Mortar Crew
Winter Guard Riflemen (Min)
Kovnik Jozef Grigorivich
This list is the Winter Guard list Tiered list, decked out to Tier 4, and is easy to expand upon from the Khador Battlebox, which contains Kommander Sorscha Kratikoff, a Destroyer, and a Juggernaut. The utility of the list is good for a 35 point list as well, offering two long range AOE attacks against units and heavy targets, two dangerously offensive melee warjacks, and two ranged units that can not only deal plenty of damage, but can act as a wonderful road block as well. Combined with the spells and effects of Sorscha, they become rather lethal, especially when she casts freezing grip on a unit for them all to fire at.
On top of that are the Themed list benefits. The first tier gives a free move to a Warjack for each unit of Battle Mechaniks. I don't have any Battle Mechaniks in the list, but players should feel free to mix and match this list to cater.
The Second Tier required three Winter Guard units to get a Free Kovnik Joe. The choices for units are well varied, and I chose three different units that I find appeal in. The Winter Guard Infantry are a staple frontline infantry that offer a ranged attack and utility for expansions, including an Officer and Standard that increase their frontline ability, and Rocketeers that offer a longer ranged attack to possibly disrupt any danger that the opponent may have. The Winter Guard Riflemen are a unit that places areas of danger across the field, while offering pot shots at whoever might be in range.
The Weapon Crews of the Winter Guard are very straight forward units. The Winter Guard Mortar, choice of this list in particular, is a unit that has the longest base range in the game offering a very high POW at the cost of high Innaccuracy. Weapon Crews do not gain the benefit of having the Standing Still bonus but have the benefit of a RAT bonus from figures who aren't using the actual Mortar. The Mortar itself has the rule innaccurate, which lowers their RAT to something so poor that unless a target has very low DEF, or box cars appear on the table, the unit are throwing low POW, medium size AOE's across the table.
The alternative Weapon Crew is the Field Gun that stand heavily as a long range, high POW attack with a bonus effect of, by chance, knocking someone flat on their arse. On top of that the unit has a good RAT which assures that they'll hit whatever they're aiming at.
Now considering the combination of Sorscha, who on feat turn freezes people into stationary figures for a turn, I chose the Mortar crew based on that and the fact that the Mortar can choose targets by ignoring intervening models. So in the situation that the opposing Warcaster is caught under Sorscha's feat, more damage can be thrown on top of the poor sod.
The Fourth tier is easily attained with the addition of the prerequisites of the third Tier, which is to add Beast-09, and the inclusion of the original Battlebox in the list. The benefits of the two are to give a bonus to the Initiative Roll and increase your deployment zone. The benefits of both are awesome for Khador. First initiative can be important for Khador as the opponent has to hesitate slightly while Khador advances across the board. With the increased deployment, the entire army can advance into range of the enemy army and attain first blood.
Now 35 points is a regular play range for my area, especially for the new players wanting to expand into something with a bit of scale. The older players have plenty of gear they have collected over the months/years and thusly have the option of building to the next scale up of 50 points. The Winter Guard list is easily expanded up to 50 points, and also adds more utility to the players options.
The next 15 points include
^Increasing Winter Guard Infantry and Riflemen Crew to Maximum
^Increasing Winter Guard Infantry Rocketeers to 3
^Adding a Winter Guard Infantry Officer and Standard
^Adding Widowmakers and Widowmaker Marksman
Widowmakers are an indespensible Sniping unit. They have a simple job: Pick a warrior model and remove it from the table. With four figures in the unit, they can put an impressive dent into a unit. Given the chance, they can take on a low armoured Light Warjack and deal plenty of good dents into it.
The Widowmaker Marksman Solo makes the unit better by a subtle way of allowing them to slink back into their cover after they destroy a figure with their Rifles. The same applies to him as well. To boot, if the unit are taking on the Low ARM light Warjack, he can put a bigger dent into it with his higher POW Rifle.
I like this build because it adds room for improvement.
Next we have is the fun list. The only real design I have put into this theme is for each model/unit to be different.
Name: Iron Curtain
Points: 35
Karchev the Terrible
Berserker
Juggernaut
Kodiak
Marauder
Greylord Ternion
Man O' War Demolition Corps (Min)
Man O' War Shock Troopers (Min)
Now looking at this list, players would instantly think: That's more than 35 points. In fact it would be were it not for the Themed list benefit.
First tier isn't very beneficial. You can field an unlimited number of Greylord Ternions and you get additional Koldun Lords. Not something I've taken advantage of at 35 points, but expanding out to 35 will definitely become an option.
The Second Tier adds a couple of units to your list, but in an appropriate fashion. Of all units to add to a list with the Man in the Machine Himself, why not add in Man O' War units. Statistically, they're the Light Warjacks of Khador. The downside to them is that they're a fast as the Warjacks that they're accompanied by. Which isn't really that quick off the mark. Conveniently enough, though, they don't need focus to do things such as Run or charge.
The two units in the list were chosen for being different, and relatively cheap. For a unit of 3 figures, it's still expensive to see them at 6 points. But they both play different roles. The unit of Shocktroopers play ARM 21 figures quite well, and can defend against a unit for a turn or two. Then there's Demolition corps who play guys who swing big hammers quite well, demolishing their target immensely well. As a bonus, the Man O' War units gain a free move before the game starts.
Third Tier follows a bit of History with Alexander Karchev. Before he became the Terrible Man in the Machine, he was a Greylord. So you have to field a unit of Greylord Ternion. And one of the Greylord Ternions notable features is making a Cloud Effect centred on a model. So players can place a Cloud Effect on the table for the first turn. A little bit of LOS blocking never hurt anyone.
Then comes the best part. Tier Four. It's nice. It's simple. And it matches what is well believed to be the essence of Karchev, the Terrible. If you have a trio or more Warjacks, you get a discount on all Warjacks. This is immense and is very appropriate for Karchev, a man who has had a deep connection with Warjacks for hundreds of years.
Any expansions on after this are almost purely Warjacks, except for the one addition of the Koldun Lord.
50 Points
^Add Koldun Lord or increase the size of a Man-o-war Unit
^Add Behemoth
75 Points
^Add Spriggan
^Add Two of either Destroyer, Decimator or Devastator.
But players note that you can build your armies any way you like, so if you want an army full of Berserkers, then Game On. This is just a list I want to build one day. (Once I get my Karchev put back together – Need some new legs and to find his head. I have to get a second bombard piece for the Behemoth too)
The Behemoth is the epitome of the word Unstoppable. He has the highest base ARM and health of any figure in the Warmachine AND Hordes; he has two open fists that deal high damage to large and medium based models; he has a pair of bombards that he fires off in whatever direction. There is only one Behemoth and he is Unstoppable.
A Koldun Lord is a nifty addition with his own Magical Scattergun to flaunt, and Ice Cage to support, and he offers Greylord Ternions something they didn't have before: Battle Wizard. If they destroy something, they fire off a spell. If they're in the middle of a unit they can fire off a their Magical Scattergun and catch a good chunk of the unit. That's not too shabby.
So you get an additional Koldun Lord per unit in the Karchev list and I'll tell you why. Koldun Lords are Jack Marshalls, with their own Drive command that improves the attack of Warjacks under their control, an ability that increases their ARM while in Base to Base with Warjacks they control, but thats not the reason. Koldun Lords are great for focus efficiency through their third Spell. It removes Disruption and places a Focus point on a Warjack so long as it doesn't have any on it before the spell is cast.
This is a good addition to Karchev as he only has a low FOC count, and between casting and upkeeping spells, he has trouble having his Warjacks move quickly outside of his feat turn. So while Karchev is making the advance up, his Warjacks can keep up to him with the help of the Koldun Lord pushing the others along.
With an ever increasing list of 'jacks that Karchev takes at higher points, it brings into better light his abilities that spread among the Battlegroup, and how dangerous he can be on a good turn. With Warjacks being as they are, tough and hard hitting, they can withstand some of the most brutal beatdowns that some opponents have to offer.
But Warjacks and Karchev in Details are subjects for another post.
16 September 2010
09 September 2010
Bringer of Most Massive Destruction, Esquire the Third
Sometimes when you play a game, and you see an army that just looks so ridiculous that you can't resist yourself? That's how I felt when I saw the Farrow start leaking out into the world. Pig men? Game on!
Lord Carver is an interesting mix. He's good in melee, with a high POW melee attack and a Good MAT, with a Magical, Reach Weapon called “Hand of God”. At Ranged, he's good at Point Blank with his “Sawed-off Scattergun”. He can attack with up to two Short Range Sprays, at average POW, or he can pump out one high Pow spray still at Short Range.
He can throw an offensive spell as well, the well known spell of Rift, but that's not something I see being thrown about often. His other spells however are a different story.
Starting from the top with another familiar spell, we have Batten Down the Hatches. For those moments when you don't want to get shunted very far, or take much damage, you can just park yourself somewhere and say “No”. With a bonus to ARM matching Arcane Shield, at the penalty of -2 DEF, you can be sure Lord Carver and his Warpack won't suffer much damage unless he wants to.
Next is another familiar spell called Mobility. Piggies running faster and ignoring terrain makes for a dangerous Warpack, especially since it gets them closer to you. Which is really all they want to do. Get close and deal some Baconation.
Then we have his signature spell, Quagmire. It's a tricky spell. If you have an enemy figure in base to base, they can't move except to change facing. And they suffer -2 DEF. So effectively, they can't get away and you get a bonus to your Attacks. I can see this spell being thrown on a unit of Bone Grinders to surround a Warbeast or Unit you don't want to go very far afterwards. And to boot, they get a bonus to their attack, so those meat cleavers can hit home MUCH more easily.
So his spell list seems pretty simple. First turn: cast Mobility and Quagmire on a unit. Second turn: upkeep Quagmire, Cast Mobility and Batten Down the Hatches. Third Turn: upkeep Quagmire, cast Batten Down the Hatches, use Fury for Attacks, Transfers or Regeneration. Fourth Turn (If there is one): Repeat Third turn, or use Fury for Regeneration or Attacks.
But wait, there's more. He's not just a pretty spell list, but he also has a feat! Hog Heaven gives exactly what they really need: An additional Damage die on melee attacks, and Overtake. This means that if a Warcaster or Warlock is surrounding itself with a heavy unit, you can throw a Warbeast, or even Lord Carver himself, into the fray and wade through the unit until he reaches the Warcaster. With his High POW, good MAT and an additional damage die, he can definitely leave a dent in their health. Especially if he has all his 6 Fury available.
On top of that he has a few simple bonuses to Farrow Units. To start, he has Inspiration. Fearless units within his Command Area? Sweet. And on top of that, Farrow Brigands fielded with him gain CRA. If there was one thing that they really needed, it was CRA. But I'll go into detail with them at a later date.
Lastly, for himself, he has one of the more annoying abilities available to a limited number of Warcasters and Warlocks. Tough. Okay it's not limited within Trollbloods, but it's still rare otherwise. So given his average health, his high ARM and good DEF, he's a tough cookie to crumble.
But no Warlock is complete without Warbeasts, and so far Lord Carver has two Warbeasts available to him. The War Hog and the Gun Boar. The War Hog is also known by a variety of names: Frankenpig; Porkenstein; Cypork of Nine. The Gun Boar is commonly confused with the Rocket Launcher Wielding Captain Gunbjornn. Say them both out loud. You'll see what I mean.
We'll begin with looking over the War Hog. Frankenpig is a simple beast, with three attacks at good Power and Strength, a rather average threshold, and an average Fury Score for a Heavy Warbeast. There's really only one thing he doesn't need and that's extra strength. So they gave him a clockwork ticker, which he uses by turning the dial and getting a bonus to Strength that sends him a little over the top. He's a little more dangerous than a Juggernaut, which one of his arms is actually made of, as he has a Gore attack with Critical Knockdown that can be followed with two more high Powered Attacks that he doesn't need to pay for.
Lastly on the list of details of the War Hog, his Animus is Massacre, matching the one from the Legion Nephilim Soldier. You charge for free, and if you kill with a charge attack you get to move an inch and make an additional attack. This goes well with Lord Carvers Feat, as you can place it on a Warrior Model, whether it's a Brigand or a Bone Grinder, have them charge and kill another warrior model, and move out of the way for something else to follow through. Or the obvious choice is to have the War Hog charge in and use his War Cleaver to kill a warrior model, move an inch, get the target into melee range of the Gore Attack, hopefully Knock down the target before wailing on the poor sap.
Lastly, there is the Gun Boar. He's a nice little ranged Warbeast, with a Big Gun on his back that fires off a Small AOE at a nice range. On top of that, he has a pair of open fists for Power Attacks.
But he does stand to have a good Animus to work with, and once again it's copied from the Legion Beast, the Teraph. Counterblast is a really nifty spell, especially within the range it now triggers. The Command of a Gun Boar is only 6 inches, but that's plenty to shoot someone from an angle. You can bait someone into charging a War Hog while your Gun Boar is behind some terrain, and use Counterblast to fire off into the unit surrounding the War Hog. And with Batten Down the Hatches active, the War Hog doesn't have to worry about Blast damage.
Lord Carver is not exempt from the effects of Counterblast. If he's charged by someone he doesn't like, he can retaliate against the figure with a melee attack. Or he can fire off his Sawed-off Scattergun towards that figure and maybe destroy someone else in the mean time.
These are the brain stormings of an up and coming Farrow player. More to come.
Lord Carver is an interesting mix. He's good in melee, with a high POW melee attack and a Good MAT, with a Magical, Reach Weapon called “Hand of God”. At Ranged, he's good at Point Blank with his “Sawed-off Scattergun”. He can attack with up to two Short Range Sprays, at average POW, or he can pump out one high Pow spray still at Short Range.
He can throw an offensive spell as well, the well known spell of Rift, but that's not something I see being thrown about often. His other spells however are a different story.
Starting from the top with another familiar spell, we have Batten Down the Hatches. For those moments when you don't want to get shunted very far, or take much damage, you can just park yourself somewhere and say “No”. With a bonus to ARM matching Arcane Shield, at the penalty of -2 DEF, you can be sure Lord Carver and his Warpack won't suffer much damage unless he wants to.
Next is another familiar spell called Mobility. Piggies running faster and ignoring terrain makes for a dangerous Warpack, especially since it gets them closer to you. Which is really all they want to do. Get close and deal some Baconation.
Then we have his signature spell, Quagmire. It's a tricky spell. If you have an enemy figure in base to base, they can't move except to change facing. And they suffer -2 DEF. So effectively, they can't get away and you get a bonus to your Attacks. I can see this spell being thrown on a unit of Bone Grinders to surround a Warbeast or Unit you don't want to go very far afterwards. And to boot, they get a bonus to their attack, so those meat cleavers can hit home MUCH more easily.
So his spell list seems pretty simple. First turn: cast Mobility and Quagmire on a unit. Second turn: upkeep Quagmire, Cast Mobility and Batten Down the Hatches. Third Turn: upkeep Quagmire, cast Batten Down the Hatches, use Fury for Attacks, Transfers or Regeneration. Fourth Turn (If there is one): Repeat Third turn, or use Fury for Regeneration or Attacks.
But wait, there's more. He's not just a pretty spell list, but he also has a feat! Hog Heaven gives exactly what they really need: An additional Damage die on melee attacks, and Overtake. This means that if a Warcaster or Warlock is surrounding itself with a heavy unit, you can throw a Warbeast, or even Lord Carver himself, into the fray and wade through the unit until he reaches the Warcaster. With his High POW, good MAT and an additional damage die, he can definitely leave a dent in their health. Especially if he has all his 6 Fury available.
On top of that he has a few simple bonuses to Farrow Units. To start, he has Inspiration. Fearless units within his Command Area? Sweet. And on top of that, Farrow Brigands fielded with him gain CRA. If there was one thing that they really needed, it was CRA. But I'll go into detail with them at a later date.
Lastly, for himself, he has one of the more annoying abilities available to a limited number of Warcasters and Warlocks. Tough. Okay it's not limited within Trollbloods, but it's still rare otherwise. So given his average health, his high ARM and good DEF, he's a tough cookie to crumble.
But no Warlock is complete without Warbeasts, and so far Lord Carver has two Warbeasts available to him. The War Hog and the Gun Boar. The War Hog is also known by a variety of names: Frankenpig; Porkenstein; Cypork of Nine. The Gun Boar is commonly confused with the Rocket Launcher Wielding Captain Gunbjornn. Say them both out loud. You'll see what I mean.
We'll begin with looking over the War Hog. Frankenpig is a simple beast, with three attacks at good Power and Strength, a rather average threshold, and an average Fury Score for a Heavy Warbeast. There's really only one thing he doesn't need and that's extra strength. So they gave him a clockwork ticker, which he uses by turning the dial and getting a bonus to Strength that sends him a little over the top. He's a little more dangerous than a Juggernaut, which one of his arms is actually made of, as he has a Gore attack with Critical Knockdown that can be followed with two more high Powered Attacks that he doesn't need to pay for.
Lastly on the list of details of the War Hog, his Animus is Massacre, matching the one from the Legion Nephilim Soldier. You charge for free, and if you kill with a charge attack you get to move an inch and make an additional attack. This goes well with Lord Carvers Feat, as you can place it on a Warrior Model, whether it's a Brigand or a Bone Grinder, have them charge and kill another warrior model, and move out of the way for something else to follow through. Or the obvious choice is to have the War Hog charge in and use his War Cleaver to kill a warrior model, move an inch, get the target into melee range of the Gore Attack, hopefully Knock down the target before wailing on the poor sap.
Lastly, there is the Gun Boar. He's a nice little ranged Warbeast, with a Big Gun on his back that fires off a Small AOE at a nice range. On top of that, he has a pair of open fists for Power Attacks.
Sidenote: I might have to check whether or not a light warbeast can throw a large base, but that'd be cool. It'd make more sense as well for the 2d6 strength as well.He only has one ability, and it can be good and it can be bad. And it is called Bacon. It heals each living warbeast in base to base with it. So the image of two Gun Boars standing back to back, one suddenly dying and the other reaching over and pulling off an ear to gnaw on entertains me a little.
But he does stand to have a good Animus to work with, and once again it's copied from the Legion Beast, the Teraph. Counterblast is a really nifty spell, especially within the range it now triggers. The Command of a Gun Boar is only 6 inches, but that's plenty to shoot someone from an angle. You can bait someone into charging a War Hog while your Gun Boar is behind some terrain, and use Counterblast to fire off into the unit surrounding the War Hog. And with Batten Down the Hatches active, the War Hog doesn't have to worry about Blast damage.
Lord Carver is not exempt from the effects of Counterblast. If he's charged by someone he doesn't like, he can retaliate against the figure with a melee attack. Or he can fire off his Sawed-off Scattergun towards that figure and maybe destroy someone else in the mean time.
These are the brain stormings of an up and coming Farrow player. More to come.
06 September 2010
Borderlands
Borderlands is one of my recent favourite games, and for good reason. It's a game that doesn't take itself too seriously. I think I've mentioned this before, how random bits and pieces of pop references to bad ass movie characters crop up here and there.
The gameplay was really fun. Think Doom/Quake Strafing crossed with Diablo's RPG elements. You shoot the living crap out of everything, dodging what you can of what they shoot back, and then you pick up random shit that you either sell or use for yourself. And out of the gear, there's a variety of different guns you can use, and hundreds of variations thereof, and then each weapon you pick up may (and most likely) will be slightly different to another one you have of the same design and setup, whether it's more damage, less accuracy, slower rate of fire or a bigger clip, or how effective it's elemental effect is, or whether it has a Scope and how good the scope is.
Oh, and you get missions which you go back and forth for regularly. That's probably the most monotonous part, that you get to see a particular sign post several times that you start to recognise the scrawlings that say “hi there” and you begin to say Hi back because it would be rude to ignore your best friends greeting.
Then there's the story. You're a Vault hunter, a seeker of the unlimited treasure of the trash planet of Pandora. You've been guided by the “Guardian Angel” to go seeking the fortune of The Vault and you throw yourself up against some interesting foes that will keep trying to kill you with poor manners and a big gun. Although Baron Flynt is as hospitable as possible, and you should feel terrible for shooting the crap out of the residents of his mansion (if you can call a giant digger a mansion).
Eventually you reach the end with an interesting plot twist, but sadly not a very good execution. Up until that point was exciting though! Shooting everything out of your way while trying to dodge everything the enemies have to hit you with. And then, because you hadn't reached maximum level yet, you can run through it all again with higher level enemies to face!
Now this sounds cool at first, but after you've conquered pandora a few times around, found the best gear you could find, and earned as many achievements you could achieve, you lose a bit of interest. But that's where Gearbox have got you covered with Downloadable Content. A fairly small price for a few new levels of fun.
To start was “Zombie Island of Dr Ned”, where you solve the problem of an island infested with Zombies by shooting their heads and collecting their brains. Told you they don't take themselves too seriously. I ran through this with a very high level character using a Rider BB Gun. That was good fun.
You met some funny enemies, found some hilarious references (I like the Scooby Doo one), and you got even more gear out of it! If it was your first playthrough, it could be played directly from that level!
The scenery for Zombie Island was very different from the usual Borderlands Style, which was desert wasteland with various trash piles everywhere. Instead they got a trashed up haunted forest, and I swear I saw a pair of shoes tied together at the laces, and thrown over a high branch.
I wonder if there's a name for that?
Then there was their second DLC, one that I'm not too fussed on: Mad Moxxi's Underdome. Moxxi is a sexy woman who controls an arena called the Underdome. You, the players, get to run around shooting the living shit out of enemies you've encountered before, along with bosses, and earn new gear and money.
Now right now, I'd like to point out that money is no object. Actually, it looks like bundles of american cash on the ground, with a thin yellow light coming out for those who want to find their dosh, but you collect enough of it and sell enough trash to the vendors that you literally clock the cash meter at $99 999 999, which completes the in-game challenge of "how much for the world?". You may need to add another 9. But yes, the meter stops there but the amount of money you accumulate continues to climb. So you could buy as many guns and shields and class mods and grenade mods as you like, but you'll still end up with $99,999,999. Best way to drop it down is to kill yourself and respawn at the New-U station!
But yes, the Underdome isn't one of my particular favourites but that's just because it's an Arena and the new feature of a Bank, where you can store your favourite items. Signature or alternative weapons, alternative Class Mods, maybe even equipment you want to sell to your mate another time. It's all good.
Lastly there was a third, and less silly, expansion to Borderlands: The Secret Armoury of General Knoxx. Put simply, you're thrown into another part of Pandora because you've been hired to do a little sumthin' sumthin'. In turn, your character gets thrown up against the Crimson Lance and the rather depressed General Knoxx, who eventually quits the Crimson Lance because his superior is a 6 year old. Okay so it's a little silly, but there's nothing wrong with that.
Eventually you get to the Armoury and you blow up Knoxx's entire base stealing as many guns as you can possibly carry so you can either get something good out of them or get a whole heap of trash you can sell. Either way is good, unless you've got $99,999,999, then you're just searching for something better in the 5 minutes before it blows.
Now the fourth expansion is soon to be released: Claptraps New Robot Revolution. This will be sweet. CL4P-TP is a signature cute character and will annoy the living crap out of you as you hear his repeated lines through the game, but one thing for certain is that these funny little robots that sound like RC cars when they roll around the place, is that they will be menacing. And it will be fun.
The gameplay was really fun. Think Doom/Quake Strafing crossed with Diablo's RPG elements. You shoot the living crap out of everything, dodging what you can of what they shoot back, and then you pick up random shit that you either sell or use for yourself. And out of the gear, there's a variety of different guns you can use, and hundreds of variations thereof, and then each weapon you pick up may (and most likely) will be slightly different to another one you have of the same design and setup, whether it's more damage, less accuracy, slower rate of fire or a bigger clip, or how effective it's elemental effect is, or whether it has a Scope and how good the scope is.
Oh, and you get missions which you go back and forth for regularly. That's probably the most monotonous part, that you get to see a particular sign post several times that you start to recognise the scrawlings that say “hi there” and you begin to say Hi back because it would be rude to ignore your best friends greeting.
Then there's the story. You're a Vault hunter, a seeker of the unlimited treasure of the trash planet of Pandora. You've been guided by the “Guardian Angel” to go seeking the fortune of The Vault and you throw yourself up against some interesting foes that will keep trying to kill you with poor manners and a big gun. Although Baron Flynt is as hospitable as possible, and you should feel terrible for shooting the crap out of the residents of his mansion (if you can call a giant digger a mansion).
Eventually you reach the end with an interesting plot twist, but sadly not a very good execution. Up until that point was exciting though! Shooting everything out of your way while trying to dodge everything the enemies have to hit you with. And then, because you hadn't reached maximum level yet, you can run through it all again with higher level enemies to face!
Now this sounds cool at first, but after you've conquered pandora a few times around, found the best gear you could find, and earned as many achievements you could achieve, you lose a bit of interest. But that's where Gearbox have got you covered with Downloadable Content. A fairly small price for a few new levels of fun.
To start was “Zombie Island of Dr Ned”, where you solve the problem of an island infested with Zombies by shooting their heads and collecting their brains. Told you they don't take themselves too seriously. I ran through this with a very high level character using a Rider BB Gun. That was good fun.
You met some funny enemies, found some hilarious references (I like the Scooby Doo one), and you got even more gear out of it! If it was your first playthrough, it could be played directly from that level!
The scenery for Zombie Island was very different from the usual Borderlands Style, which was desert wasteland with various trash piles everywhere. Instead they got a trashed up haunted forest, and I swear I saw a pair of shoes tied together at the laces, and thrown over a high branch.
I wonder if there's a name for that?
Then there was their second DLC, one that I'm not too fussed on: Mad Moxxi's Underdome. Moxxi is a sexy woman who controls an arena called the Underdome. You, the players, get to run around shooting the living shit out of enemies you've encountered before, along with bosses, and earn new gear and money.
Now right now, I'd like to point out that money is no object. Actually, it looks like bundles of american cash on the ground, with a thin yellow light coming out for those who want to find their dosh, but you collect enough of it and sell enough trash to the vendors that you literally clock the cash meter at $99 999 999, which completes the in-game challenge of "how much for the world?". You may need to add another 9. But yes, the meter stops there but the amount of money you accumulate continues to climb. So you could buy as many guns and shields and class mods and grenade mods as you like, but you'll still end up with $99,999,999. Best way to drop it down is to kill yourself and respawn at the New-U station!
But yes, the Underdome isn't one of my particular favourites but that's just because it's an Arena and the new feature of a Bank, where you can store your favourite items. Signature or alternative weapons, alternative Class Mods, maybe even equipment you want to sell to your mate another time. It's all good.
Lastly there was a third, and less silly, expansion to Borderlands: The Secret Armoury of General Knoxx. Put simply, you're thrown into another part of Pandora because you've been hired to do a little sumthin' sumthin'. In turn, your character gets thrown up against the Crimson Lance and the rather depressed General Knoxx, who eventually quits the Crimson Lance because his superior is a 6 year old. Okay so it's a little silly, but there's nothing wrong with that.
Eventually you get to the Armoury and you blow up Knoxx's entire base stealing as many guns as you can possibly carry so you can either get something good out of them or get a whole heap of trash you can sell. Either way is good, unless you've got $99,999,999, then you're just searching for something better in the 5 minutes before it blows.
Now the fourth expansion is soon to be released: Claptraps New Robot Revolution. This will be sweet. CL4P-TP is a signature cute character and will annoy the living crap out of you as you hear his repeated lines through the game, but one thing for certain is that these funny little robots that sound like RC cars when they roll around the place, is that they will be menacing. And it will be fun.
02 September 2010
Legs Eleven
I figured I should start off this blog with something I have worked on recently.
Man O' War are a unit type in Khador, well known as being units of highly armoured men trudging along the front lines of an army. The stats say differently, as they are usually found in the middle or catching up from behind. Overall though, they are strong units and can deal a substantial amount of damage and can take a substantial amount of damage as well.
Recently I went over to Gencon with such a list, and the list included the following figures.
Ten Man O' War Shocktroopers
Ten Man O' War Demolition Corps
Five Man O' War Bombardiers
Two Man O' War Kovniks
Two Man O' War Drakhuns and Dismounts
Along with several warjacks and 3 Warcasters. The most obvious point of attention is brought to Man O' War Bombardiers. This unit is unavailable to the general public, and in turn I will not be able to field them at the Australian Nationals held in September.
But it is still good to display them to everyone.
For those curious: The figures were made using the Renegade Shredder (Right Arm), Man O' War Kovnik Axe, Shocktrooper Shoulders, and a bit of wiring.
Man O' War are a unit type in Khador, well known as being units of highly armoured men trudging along the front lines of an army. The stats say differently, as they are usually found in the middle or catching up from behind. Overall though, they are strong units and can deal a substantial amount of damage and can take a substantial amount of damage as well.
Recently I went over to Gencon with such a list, and the list included the following figures.
Ten Man O' War Shocktroopers
Ten Man O' War Demolition Corps
Five Man O' War Bombardiers
Two Man O' War Kovniks
Two Man O' War Drakhuns and Dismounts
Along with several warjacks and 3 Warcasters. The most obvious point of attention is brought to Man O' War Bombardiers. This unit is unavailable to the general public, and in turn I will not be able to field them at the Australian Nationals held in September.
But it is still good to display them to everyone.
For those curious: The figures were made using the Renegade Shredder (Right Arm), Man O' War Kovnik Axe, Shocktrooper Shoulders, and a bit of wiring.
01 September 2010
“Order, Order on the Roma Street Train!”
The trains are a weird little concoction of staff members. They hire big fellas, small fellas, hairy, wirey, old, young; pretty much any part of suburbia that have a head on their shoulders can get into the staff of Queensland Rail. It doesn't need to be a full head, it just has to be there.
But sometimes there is a thought that gets tossed around by someone who thinks in the right direction. He calls out to his staff meeting “What is the biggest problem people face about the trains these days?”
Then there's the guy in the corner who's usually pretty quiet, wears his bottle cap glasses, hides his balding head with a cow lick, and possibly has a bad case of separation anxiety, raises his hand and says “Well people tend to get noisy.”
“Noisy how?” Asks a lady who is probably guilty of talking loudly and laughing gaily with her friends about the one time she mistook her foot cream for toothpaste.
“Oh you know,” he began uncertainly. “Kids playing their music loudly, talking about the things they do at parties.”
“Right, so what can we do about it?” the manager demands. His eyes reach out the entirety of the staff stretching across the table.
“Get on with running over the kids,” says the ex-bikie who was grudgingly shunted into the job by his wife, but slowly grew to like the job. But some habits die hard, and history precedes that running things over with a Harley can be quite effective.
“No, to many legalities against that. And then we have to clean up the trains and that shit gets nasty.”
“Put them in a catholic school to show them the wrongs of their ways,” says one fellow in the corner who was neatly dressed and grew up from the sort of history that feared God with a smiling face, because frowning should only be used when God is questioned.
“Funny enough,” the quiet fellow has gotten himself into this conversation, there's no reason to back out now. “One of the Corpus Christie girls told a funny story about a sillouette she shone on a tarpaulin and these two guys-”
“We could quieten them.” This is the guy who's leaning back on his chair and throwing a hackey sack into the air because he got it all in his head that because he does such great work he can get away with procrastinating in broad daylight. And he's already warned the higher ups, who are a bunch of ninnys, that if they say anything about it then he'll sue for creative oppression.
“How would we go about that?” the manager wants to start walking around the table in an intimidating fashion as this is supposed to be a creative process and sometimes a bit of theatrical flare is needed to get these gears grinding properly, but he's been warned against touching some of the staff members inappropriately when they get a good answer.
“We could put a ban on noise on the train?” says mr quiet, feeling quite involved and there's no harm in pushing his luck a little more.
“Not a bad idea, but it might be a little much,” came the reply from the instigator leaning back . “How about we do a trial of a quiet carriage? Just the arse end of it, and just say that nobody can talk loudly or have their music playing?”
Nods go on all around, and the quiet fellow sneaks a few looks at the foot cream lady to see if she was becoming interested in him yet.
That's how I imagine the QR Creative Process went when they came up with this.
But sometimes there is a thought that gets tossed around by someone who thinks in the right direction. He calls out to his staff meeting “What is the biggest problem people face about the trains these days?”
Then there's the guy in the corner who's usually pretty quiet, wears his bottle cap glasses, hides his balding head with a cow lick, and possibly has a bad case of separation anxiety, raises his hand and says “Well people tend to get noisy.”
“Noisy how?” Asks a lady who is probably guilty of talking loudly and laughing gaily with her friends about the one time she mistook her foot cream for toothpaste.
“Oh you know,” he began uncertainly. “Kids playing their music loudly, talking about the things they do at parties.”
“Right, so what can we do about it?” the manager demands. His eyes reach out the entirety of the staff stretching across the table.
“Get on with running over the kids,” says the ex-bikie who was grudgingly shunted into the job by his wife, but slowly grew to like the job. But some habits die hard, and history precedes that running things over with a Harley can be quite effective.
“No, to many legalities against that. And then we have to clean up the trains and that shit gets nasty.”
“Put them in a catholic school to show them the wrongs of their ways,” says one fellow in the corner who was neatly dressed and grew up from the sort of history that feared God with a smiling face, because frowning should only be used when God is questioned.
“Funny enough,” the quiet fellow has gotten himself into this conversation, there's no reason to back out now. “One of the Corpus Christie girls told a funny story about a sillouette she shone on a tarpaulin and these two guys-”
“We could quieten them.” This is the guy who's leaning back on his chair and throwing a hackey sack into the air because he got it all in his head that because he does such great work he can get away with procrastinating in broad daylight. And he's already warned the higher ups, who are a bunch of ninnys, that if they say anything about it then he'll sue for creative oppression.
“How would we go about that?” the manager wants to start walking around the table in an intimidating fashion as this is supposed to be a creative process and sometimes a bit of theatrical flare is needed to get these gears grinding properly, but he's been warned against touching some of the staff members inappropriately when they get a good answer.
“We could put a ban on noise on the train?” says mr quiet, feeling quite involved and there's no harm in pushing his luck a little more.
“Not a bad idea, but it might be a little much,” came the reply from the instigator leaning back . “How about we do a trial of a quiet carriage? Just the arse end of it, and just say that nobody can talk loudly or have their music playing?”
Nods go on all around, and the quiet fellow sneaks a few looks at the foot cream lady to see if she was becoming interested in him yet.
That's how I imagine the QR Creative Process went when they came up with this.
24 August 2010
Fark me
I go away for three weeks and jeez things have changed. To start, there's a house near the train station. It decided to get raised. It was already a 2 story house, but he needed it raised a few more feet. That took me by surprise on the wander back from the station.
Nextly there's the house at the first corner down from my place. It had a yard that was full of trees, lucious and plump. You could hardly see the house through them and the privacy fence they had going on. Well now they've uprooted all those trees and now there's fuck all in that yard, after looking over the boards. Not sure why they didn't want to
Then I discovered that the footpath near my house has been repaved. That's not too bad. It was a raggedy old footpath, so no harm getting it fixed.
Lastly, I finally get home and see the sign out the front of my house: FOR SALE *If this sign is damaged or removed, there will be a Formal Investigation*.
Yeah, fan-fucking-tastic. Although it can come as a bit of a relief because I've been wanting to move out. The roomies need more time to themselves. Yes, I have been away for 3 weeks, giving them plenty of time to possibly sort their shit out, but I guess they just haven't done anything except panic that they have to move early.
The Real Estate say that if we want to move out before our lease is up, they are willing to pay for Removalists. This is good, though personally I can use my Ute, and I don't have that much in the way of my own gear. To boot, mum has offered room at her place so I can bunk in with her. But I don't want to stay back at mums for too long, as I'll feel a little too cramped in there. I have enough gear to fill up my own space, but I also have gear that should not be handled by little hands.
And my mum regularly has my niece and nephews over. So all of my modelling gear? I have no idea what to do with. I wouldn't be able to put it in my room because I won't have anywhere to really put them. I can't put them in the sewing room, because there's no room. And I can't just leave it sitting around, else the youngins run around picking it up and dropping it when someone yells out “NO”. That'll be a lot of hassle I don't want to deal with.
But it will have to come to that for at least a little while. Then there's my computer! Where will I put that?!
“oh you can just use mine” My Mother would say.
“uh, no. I play computer games mum. And sadly, the computers that you have had the business of acquiring have all died in the arse one way or another.”
“Okay, well we'll both just use yours then.”
“Uh, no. I can't take the chance that it is actually you that is making them die in the arse. Sorry mum.”
So I will have to stick with my little laptop, which is doing really well thank you very much. I've been dribbling shit over and over again, and I've even started my own Warmachine/Hordes blog (Introduction post this Friday) to match wits with my Monsterpocalypse Blog. It will probably be a bit more interesting, especially since I won't run out of subject matter any time soon. I just hope I don't reminisce about the first Edition Warmachine too much. That's become a bad habit of mine.
With coming home from Gencon, I've come back with a number of toys. Particularly a Pig Army that I'm excited about. I've got almost all the bits and bobs I want, and I've assembled 2 of the Warbeasts so I can use them in the Australian Nationals. It's a cool list with giant bipedal pigs, one of which has a clockwork ticker (called an Aggression Dial) and has robotic arms.
But I also picked up some books. Jenny and I went to a book store while I was there and we picked out some books for each other. I grabbed her the Tiffany Aching books for her to read. I know she will get a laugh out of those three. She picked me up a few funny books, like “What is your Poo telling you?”, “Cyanide and Happines – I'm giving you the finger” and I can't remember the third one. But I picked up three books for myself, particularly two novels based on Gears of War, and “The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy”. I've been told this is a weird but good set of books, so I picked it up. Enjoying the movie helped.
I wanted to read it on the way back to Aus, but I spent the 20 something hours reading “Hat Full of Sky” instead. But I've gotten into it now, and it's pretty funny. I can't quite get a grasp of the voice though. Usually if I'm reading something with dry Humour, I get a Stephen Fry voice run through my head. But this is different. I'll figure it out, I'm sure.
Also, out of habit, I’m trying to pick out the way he writes, which so far seems like he's rambling away on stage like a one man band trying to explain that he was doing opera. While I was reading Birmos Tassie Babes, it was a guy sitting across from you in the beer garden and holding a pint in hand. Actually, I woudln't be surprised if I wrote it doing exactly that.
Pratchett gives me a wonderful cartoon story that is either voiced over by him or Stephen Fry. This is my head, and the both of them have good voices. But he builds and builds and builds and lets down slightly before building again. It's a rollercoaster ride. Of Catherine Jinks, i've read the pagan chronicles, a 4 book series set during the Crusades. Its a good imagery of the time and era. Lian Hearn (Tales of the Otori - medieval japanese settings) gives a slightly mystical view of the world.
But Doug Adams is still growing on me. I'll figure him out. I am sure I will.
Nextly there's the house at the first corner down from my place. It had a yard that was full of trees, lucious and plump. You could hardly see the house through them and the privacy fence they had going on. Well now they've uprooted all those trees and now there's fuck all in that yard, after looking over the boards. Not sure why they didn't want to
Then I discovered that the footpath near my house has been repaved. That's not too bad. It was a raggedy old footpath, so no harm getting it fixed.
Lastly, I finally get home and see the sign out the front of my house: FOR SALE *If this sign is damaged or removed, there will be a Formal Investigation*.
Yeah, fan-fucking-tastic. Although it can come as a bit of a relief because I've been wanting to move out. The roomies need more time to themselves. Yes, I have been away for 3 weeks, giving them plenty of time to possibly sort their shit out, but I guess they just haven't done anything except panic that they have to move early.
The Real Estate say that if we want to move out before our lease is up, they are willing to pay for Removalists. This is good, though personally I can use my Ute, and I don't have that much in the way of my own gear. To boot, mum has offered room at her place so I can bunk in with her. But I don't want to stay back at mums for too long, as I'll feel a little too cramped in there. I have enough gear to fill up my own space, but I also have gear that should not be handled by little hands.
And my mum regularly has my niece and nephews over. So all of my modelling gear? I have no idea what to do with. I wouldn't be able to put it in my room because I won't have anywhere to really put them. I can't put them in the sewing room, because there's no room. And I can't just leave it sitting around, else the youngins run around picking it up and dropping it when someone yells out “NO”. That'll be a lot of hassle I don't want to deal with.
But it will have to come to that for at least a little while. Then there's my computer! Where will I put that?!
“oh you can just use mine” My Mother would say.
“uh, no. I play computer games mum. And sadly, the computers that you have had the business of acquiring have all died in the arse one way or another.”
“Okay, well we'll both just use yours then.”
“Uh, no. I can't take the chance that it is actually you that is making them die in the arse. Sorry mum.”
So I will have to stick with my little laptop, which is doing really well thank you very much. I've been dribbling shit over and over again, and I've even started my own Warmachine/Hordes blog (Introduction post this Friday) to match wits with my Monsterpocalypse Blog. It will probably be a bit more interesting, especially since I won't run out of subject matter any time soon. I just hope I don't reminisce about the first Edition Warmachine too much. That's become a bad habit of mine.
With coming home from Gencon, I've come back with a number of toys. Particularly a Pig Army that I'm excited about. I've got almost all the bits and bobs I want, and I've assembled 2 of the Warbeasts so I can use them in the Australian Nationals. It's a cool list with giant bipedal pigs, one of which has a clockwork ticker (called an Aggression Dial) and has robotic arms.
But I also picked up some books. Jenny and I went to a book store while I was there and we picked out some books for each other. I grabbed her the Tiffany Aching books for her to read. I know she will get a laugh out of those three. She picked me up a few funny books, like “What is your Poo telling you?”, “Cyanide and Happines – I'm giving you the finger” and I can't remember the third one. But I picked up three books for myself, particularly two novels based on Gears of War, and “The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy”. I've been told this is a weird but good set of books, so I picked it up. Enjoying the movie helped.
I wanted to read it on the way back to Aus, but I spent the 20 something hours reading “Hat Full of Sky” instead. But I've gotten into it now, and it's pretty funny. I can't quite get a grasp of the voice though. Usually if I'm reading something with dry Humour, I get a Stephen Fry voice run through my head. But this is different. I'll figure it out, I'm sure.
Also, out of habit, I’m trying to pick out the way he writes, which so far seems like he's rambling away on stage like a one man band trying to explain that he was doing opera. While I was reading Birmos Tassie Babes, it was a guy sitting across from you in the beer garden and holding a pint in hand. Actually, I woudln't be surprised if I wrote it doing exactly that.
Pratchett gives me a wonderful cartoon story that is either voiced over by him or Stephen Fry. This is my head, and the both of them have good voices. But he builds and builds and builds and lets down slightly before building again. It's a rollercoaster ride. Of Catherine Jinks, i've read the pagan chronicles, a 4 book series set during the Crusades. Its a good imagery of the time and era. Lian Hearn (Tales of the Otori - medieval japanese settings) gives a slightly mystical view of the world.
But Doug Adams is still growing on me. I'll figure him out. I am sure I will.
I dont like planes any more.
It all started off ridiculously early. Jenny and I woke up at 2am to get ready for the 2 hour drive to Detroit so I could fly off to LAX for my final flight straight to Brisbane.
Naturally the difficulty of getting up at 2am after having only 2 hours sleep was fucked, but we did it, got ourselves ready, made sure I had everything packed, and then made tracks to Detroit.
Jenny and I got there 2 hours before my flight was due to leave, and we were disappointed to find that she was unable to join me up to the gate. We can do it in Australia, I figured it would be fine in America. Apparently not.
So we hung out in the Baggage Collection area, holding each other and having large biscuits with massive chunks of chocolate in them, and Jenny had a tea that she didn't finish due to an upset stomach. So upset that she got upset all over the ladies bathroom.
Eventually it was time to party ways and return to what was our normal lives. We don't want to return to such bleak settings, but our responsibilities remain and we must go back to the grind. We kissed, and we hugged, and we slowly parted.
Later did I learn that she waited in the carpark to blow kisses to my plane as I left.
Four hours later, I landed in LA to endure the 12 hours before my flight began boarding. That's right, I turned up at LAX at 1100 and my flight wasn't due to leave until 2355. Bullshit I say. Especially since I had to wait until 1430 before I could check in!
Time passed, I typed some shit, and made a few calls to jenny before I checked in and went inside to continue awaiting my plane to brisneyland. And while I was in there, I had dinner at Gladstones Fish Restaurant. It sounded pleasant compared to Starbucks and Burger King. It wasn't. I ordered a cheeseburger and it was probably one of the worst put together burgers I've ever had.
*Shrug* Right now, sitting at the pick up road outside Virgin blue and awaiting the arrival of Kel, I'm craving the comfort food of Macca's: A Double Quarter Pounder with Big Mac Sauce, a Large Chips, a Frozen Fanta, and a Chocolate Sundae. Simple comfort food. I'll even shout Alex an Ice Cream Cone.
Returning back to the LAX Scenario, I now turn to the shenanigans which always occur at the arse end of the best times. At 1930, the members of my flight were informed that we should go to the right hand side of gate 38, opposite of the gates I was seated. The lad there informed me that my original flight at 2355 was cancelled due to Mechanical Malfunction. Which probably means that the new pilot had gotten too far on the piss because his girlfriend is off gallivanting across the countryside on some steward/ess.
So they shunted us off to Air New Zealand. It's not a bad mob. they're slightly cheaper than Qantas, who were the next option in line. After getting the majority of the flights done, it was down to seven of us. Air New Zealand was apparently full. Righto, we'll go onto Qantas.
"Oh no, we're waiting for 2 people to not show up. So two of you can stay."
Ugh. this whole debacle started at 1930, and it's fucking 2200 now. Get me home already. I was getting more and more tired, especially since my body clock was 3 hours out, and I hadn't eaten since I had that disgusting dinner at 1500. So what do I do?
I sit on the floor and continue reading Hat Full of Sky until they finally get their finger out. A little while later, I was on my new flight down to Auckland. I'd slept the better part of the 10-12 hour trip* which was surprising because those chairs couldn't get more uncomfortable if you inserted therapeutic needles into the upholstery, then gave it a vibrate function.
Arriving at Auckland, the overhead informed us about our connecting flight into Sydney was at Gate 2. "Righto," I said, paying attention and deviating slightly from Mr Pratchett and his tale of Tiffany Aching. Soon as we rolled off I realised something though.
"Fuck, i forgot my wallet." It's uncomfortable having it in your pocket after such a long flight, so I decided it would do well to be in the net pocket in front of me. I'd grab it on the way out, along with my passport, and then all will be good. But nooo, of all things I had to forget, it was my wallet that has $904 in green notes stuffed into the appropriate slot, and slowly ruining said wallet, of which requires renewing. There is only so much fake croc leather that can fall off before it becomes a danger to my finances.
So I sat at the door as people filtered by. And I waited. And I waited. And I fucking waited. And then i began thinking that someone may have seen my wallet and nabbed it. Or that I may have put it somewhere in the fucking heavy backpack that I have. Or that I could possibly leave it here and it would get sent to me at a later date. No no, that's a stupid idea, i need my GO Card to get to work the next day. Fucking monday, I don't want to go to work. I'm tired and still very much so in work mode. Oh look, a steward coming from upstairs. Is that a good- No, more people coming. God damn, are they mass producing these people? Do they have women in battery cages with turkey basters pumping out hormone pumped 5 minute adults so that I have to wait longer? Oh look, Pilots. There we go. End of the line, mother fuckers. Give me my money.
With that successfully accomplished, I made my way to the line through the International Connecting flights. at the end of the line were the security guards. okay, I can deal with this. At least the group I'm with are in the right direction. There's the family of 3 that I can follow. I can rely on them. The old boy seems to have his head on straight.
The security guards then put my bad aside. Seems I have something I shouldn't have. As it turns out, it was my LAB body wash that I'd all but used up with Jenny because she liked the way I smelt, and my Hair Gel and Face Wash which I'd never used as I didn't have any reason to spike my hair, and I'm simply too lazy to bother. So they've all gone to the Incinerator.
Moving on, I weedled my way to Gate 2. It was due to board about this time, and when I checked the Time Boards, it had a big red sign saying "Final Boarding". Right, I had to run and get to my plane. I ran up and then down and then back and then left and eventually I got to where I was looking for. Auckland Airport is a bit of a maze, but I got through to find that my plane had just buggered off. FUCK. FUCK A DUCK. Even the Janitor assured me that it was definitely gone.
So I wandered back up to one of the reception desks to say that i'd missed my flight, what can I do about getting a new flight? After about 5 minutes of waiting, I looked around and found a new Time Board. Okay. NZ103 Final boarding... Gate 7. Well shit biscuits. Lets go check out Gate 7.
Whaddayaknow. There's that family that I was following. Oh and another few people that were from the same pilgrimage. Game on. So we waddled onto that plane and I settled down for the 4 hour flight to Sydney, continuing my book of dry English humour.
Lastly was Sydney. The Shenanigannery was getting a bit much now. My body had a dull ache, and my book was almost finished. I just wanted to get it done now, I was on the home stretch, but I had to pay attention to this shit! C'mon, it isn't hard to get luggage out and onto a conveyor belt, is it now? Any old Ninny (Yes, Mr Pratchett being English sometimes makes my insults a little pommy) can chuck a bag onto them. It's not like you don't manhandle them as you would an Irish Wife. C'mon, I said it enough: True love comes out in Bruises. But you know what? I have a fuck tonne of models that didn't feel very loved. In fact, they were lovely before you fuckers decided to whack it with a fucking cricket bat in your spare time. now where the fuck is my luggage now? there's nothing particularly special about it now, except there's a dozen too many shirts in there. You can't deal damage to them! I put a fucking LOCK on it! But there's only 2 bags on the belt.
Mother fuckers. Righto, time to make note. So I went to the other side of the room and made mention that my bag was AWOL. "okay, we'll deliver it to your door soon. It just seems to be on a later flight from the same place. Here's our number in case you don't hear from us."
Righto. would've been nice to have my bag now, but hey. I go through the gates with my yellow card, another security lady takes my yellow card and lets me through with my carry on, and we I leave to get to Domestic transfers. A short line up there and then I go out to the T Bus... and fuck it's cold. I'm glad I have my Sonic Hoodie with me.
About a half hour goes past, about 10 minutes late for what they advertise for T-Busses, We get to the Domestic Terminal, I jump through the security hoops again, only I get to keep my shoes on this time. I get to the gate, the correct gate as well which I made sure every 5 minutes that I was at the right gate because I have been wrong before and it nearly cost me.
I also make an attempt at finding a power point. Where the fuck are the power points? I have a phone that I need to contact Kel/Tash about picking me up and letting them know that If they were busy, then it would be fine and I would catch a taxi. I'm sure a Taxi driver won't mind extra fare if he takes me through Maccas.
But no such luck. I typed up a little bit where I was about my Warmachine blog, continued the Terry Pratchett book, and eventually made my way onto the worst flight of the lot. It wasn't because it was a short flight. I loved that. It was much shorter than I expected and I was very VERY pleased to find that out. But it was the inertia. Going up was rough as guts. Going through turbulence was like being in the prank Bart Simpson did to Homer (remember when he shook up the Duff can and exploded the house as an April Fools?). landing and taxiing were about as pleasant as could be, because I got hit with so much relief that we fucking survived.
But that was it. That was my long day and a half. Kel came and picked me up, drove me to Maccas, made a quick detour to Aldi, and dropped me home to have my comfort food and pass out by 5:30 so that i could be well rested for work tomorrow.
Guh.
Naturally the difficulty of getting up at 2am after having only 2 hours sleep was fucked, but we did it, got ourselves ready, made sure I had everything packed, and then made tracks to Detroit.
Jenny and I got there 2 hours before my flight was due to leave, and we were disappointed to find that she was unable to join me up to the gate. We can do it in Australia, I figured it would be fine in America. Apparently not.
So we hung out in the Baggage Collection area, holding each other and having large biscuits with massive chunks of chocolate in them, and Jenny had a tea that she didn't finish due to an upset stomach. So upset that she got upset all over the ladies bathroom.
Eventually it was time to party ways and return to what was our normal lives. We don't want to return to such bleak settings, but our responsibilities remain and we must go back to the grind. We kissed, and we hugged, and we slowly parted.
Later did I learn that she waited in the carpark to blow kisses to my plane as I left.
Four hours later, I landed in LA to endure the 12 hours before my flight began boarding. That's right, I turned up at LAX at 1100 and my flight wasn't due to leave until 2355. Bullshit I say. Especially since I had to wait until 1430 before I could check in!
Time passed, I typed some shit, and made a few calls to jenny before I checked in and went inside to continue awaiting my plane to brisneyland. And while I was in there, I had dinner at Gladstones Fish Restaurant. It sounded pleasant compared to Starbucks and Burger King. It wasn't. I ordered a cheeseburger and it was probably one of the worst put together burgers I've ever had.
*Shrug* Right now, sitting at the pick up road outside Virgin blue and awaiting the arrival of Kel, I'm craving the comfort food of Macca's: A Double Quarter Pounder with Big Mac Sauce, a Large Chips, a Frozen Fanta, and a Chocolate Sundae. Simple comfort food. I'll even shout Alex an Ice Cream Cone.
Returning back to the LAX Scenario, I now turn to the shenanigans which always occur at the arse end of the best times. At 1930, the members of my flight were informed that we should go to the right hand side of gate 38, opposite of the gates I was seated. The lad there informed me that my original flight at 2355 was cancelled due to Mechanical Malfunction. Which probably means that the new pilot had gotten too far on the piss because his girlfriend is off gallivanting across the countryside on some steward/ess.
So they shunted us off to Air New Zealand. It's not a bad mob. they're slightly cheaper than Qantas, who were the next option in line. After getting the majority of the flights done, it was down to seven of us. Air New Zealand was apparently full. Righto, we'll go onto Qantas.
"Oh no, we're waiting for 2 people to not show up. So two of you can stay."
Ugh. this whole debacle started at 1930, and it's fucking 2200 now. Get me home already. I was getting more and more tired, especially since my body clock was 3 hours out, and I hadn't eaten since I had that disgusting dinner at 1500. So what do I do?
I sit on the floor and continue reading Hat Full of Sky until they finally get their finger out. A little while later, I was on my new flight down to Auckland. I'd slept the better part of the 10-12 hour trip* which was surprising because those chairs couldn't get more uncomfortable if you inserted therapeutic needles into the upholstery, then gave it a vibrate function.
* - from a later date: I mentioned the flight to a friend who regularly goes to New Zealand to see his Dad, and I said that to Brisbane/Sydney it's a 14 hour flight to/from LAX. "Yeah, that means it's an 18 hour flight between Auckland and LA then."
"What? No, it's about 10-12 hours."
"No no, it's 18."
"Dude, I just had the flight. It's 10 hours."
"nah man, it's 18 hours cos it's 4 hours to sydney to auckland, and 14 hours to LA from Sydney."
True story.
Arriving at Auckland, the overhead informed us about our connecting flight into Sydney was at Gate 2. "Righto," I said, paying attention and deviating slightly from Mr Pratchett and his tale of Tiffany Aching. Soon as we rolled off I realised something though.
"Fuck, i forgot my wallet." It's uncomfortable having it in your pocket after such a long flight, so I decided it would do well to be in the net pocket in front of me. I'd grab it on the way out, along with my passport, and then all will be good. But nooo, of all things I had to forget, it was my wallet that has $904 in green notes stuffed into the appropriate slot, and slowly ruining said wallet, of which requires renewing. There is only so much fake croc leather that can fall off before it becomes a danger to my finances.
So I sat at the door as people filtered by. And I waited. And I waited. And I fucking waited. And then i began thinking that someone may have seen my wallet and nabbed it. Or that I may have put it somewhere in the fucking heavy backpack that I have. Or that I could possibly leave it here and it would get sent to me at a later date. No no, that's a stupid idea, i need my GO Card to get to work the next day. Fucking monday, I don't want to go to work. I'm tired and still very much so in work mode. Oh look, a steward coming from upstairs. Is that a good- No, more people coming. God damn, are they mass producing these people? Do they have women in battery cages with turkey basters pumping out hormone pumped 5 minute adults so that I have to wait longer? Oh look, Pilots. There we go. End of the line, mother fuckers. Give me my money.
With that successfully accomplished, I made my way to the line through the International Connecting flights. at the end of the line were the security guards. okay, I can deal with this. At least the group I'm with are in the right direction. There's the family of 3 that I can follow. I can rely on them. The old boy seems to have his head on straight.
The security guards then put my bad aside. Seems I have something I shouldn't have. As it turns out, it was my LAB body wash that I'd all but used up with Jenny because she liked the way I smelt, and my Hair Gel and Face Wash which I'd never used as I didn't have any reason to spike my hair, and I'm simply too lazy to bother. So they've all gone to the Incinerator.
Moving on, I weedled my way to Gate 2. It was due to board about this time, and when I checked the Time Boards, it had a big red sign saying "Final Boarding". Right, I had to run and get to my plane. I ran up and then down and then back and then left and eventually I got to where I was looking for. Auckland Airport is a bit of a maze, but I got through to find that my plane had just buggered off. FUCK. FUCK A DUCK. Even the Janitor assured me that it was definitely gone.
So I wandered back up to one of the reception desks to say that i'd missed my flight, what can I do about getting a new flight? After about 5 minutes of waiting, I looked around and found a new Time Board. Okay. NZ103 Final boarding... Gate 7. Well shit biscuits. Lets go check out Gate 7.
Whaddayaknow. There's that family that I was following. Oh and another few people that were from the same pilgrimage. Game on. So we waddled onto that plane and I settled down for the 4 hour flight to Sydney, continuing my book of dry English humour.
Lastly was Sydney. The Shenanigannery was getting a bit much now. My body had a dull ache, and my book was almost finished. I just wanted to get it done now, I was on the home stretch, but I had to pay attention to this shit! C'mon, it isn't hard to get luggage out and onto a conveyor belt, is it now? Any old Ninny (Yes, Mr Pratchett being English sometimes makes my insults a little pommy) can chuck a bag onto them. It's not like you don't manhandle them as you would an Irish Wife. C'mon, I said it enough: True love comes out in Bruises. But you know what? I have a fuck tonne of models that didn't feel very loved. In fact, they were lovely before you fuckers decided to whack it with a fucking cricket bat in your spare time. now where the fuck is my luggage now? there's nothing particularly special about it now, except there's a dozen too many shirts in there. You can't deal damage to them! I put a fucking LOCK on it! But there's only 2 bags on the belt.
Mother fuckers. Righto, time to make note. So I went to the other side of the room and made mention that my bag was AWOL. "okay, we'll deliver it to your door soon. It just seems to be on a later flight from the same place. Here's our number in case you don't hear from us."
Righto. would've been nice to have my bag now, but hey. I go through the gates with my yellow card, another security lady takes my yellow card and lets me through with my carry on, and we I leave to get to Domestic transfers. A short line up there and then I go out to the T Bus... and fuck it's cold. I'm glad I have my Sonic Hoodie with me.
About a half hour goes past, about 10 minutes late for what they advertise for T-Busses, We get to the Domestic Terminal, I jump through the security hoops again, only I get to keep my shoes on this time. I get to the gate, the correct gate as well which I made sure every 5 minutes that I was at the right gate because I have been wrong before and it nearly cost me.
I also make an attempt at finding a power point. Where the fuck are the power points? I have a phone that I need to contact Kel/Tash about picking me up and letting them know that If they were busy, then it would be fine and I would catch a taxi. I'm sure a Taxi driver won't mind extra fare if he takes me through Maccas.
But no such luck. I typed up a little bit where I was about my Warmachine blog, continued the Terry Pratchett book, and eventually made my way onto the worst flight of the lot. It wasn't because it was a short flight. I loved that. It was much shorter than I expected and I was very VERY pleased to find that out. But it was the inertia. Going up was rough as guts. Going through turbulence was like being in the prank Bart Simpson did to Homer (remember when he shook up the Duff can and exploded the house as an April Fools?). landing and taxiing were about as pleasant as could be, because I got hit with so much relief that we fucking survived.
But that was it. That was my long day and a half. Kel came and picked me up, drove me to Maccas, made a quick detour to Aldi, and dropped me home to have my comfort food and pass out by 5:30 so that i could be well rested for work tomorrow.
Guh.
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