Returning from hell never to be the same again

The Face of

The nights I've spent playing Doom have driven me into a deep, subconscious madness. Every time I hear that growl, that strange guttural snore, of the inactive Imp, my skin crawls and beads of sweat begin to form, my heart races and I'm thrown straight back to those long nights wasting ammunition and time scouring levels for that last secret area because I can't stand that little voice laughing at me, scoffing at my mistakes, mocking me and my futility.

I had simple reasons for pushing through, crawling through the labyrinthine hellscape to reach the demon at the end of the game, and prove that I am a god amongst evil.

Come my birthday and the sweats started again. I peeled off the wrapping paper and looked over the cover, those foreboding, jagged letters burning past my eyes and into my soul. The laughing was starting again.

I knew what was ahead of me, a weekend of playing with the devil again. And again I was going to enjoy every last moment of it.

From waking up in that stone sarcophagus, crushing skulls of those poor souls lost to the power of hell, to actually going to hell and ripping and tearing my way through those monsters again and again, even with no end in sight, redefining the term serpentine as their fireballs and energy waves flew past me by mere inches as I closed in with with whatever barking iron I had in hand.

Again I heard those laughs, those cthulian incantations rising in my mind to pummel me into submission. Their hymns only drove me harder to kill, until I had nothing more ahead of me.

Time came when the final demon fell and the exhilaration and adrenaline had come to a close, and I fell back in my bed and relaxed, proud of my accomplishment. But I needed more.

Doom was not the only prize I received that day.

When Final Fantasy Meets Science Fiction

Time was that I played a game called Halo, a story of a super soldier gifted with powered armour fending off aliens and viral monstrosities, and now leading into a cybernetic society hellbent killing our stalwart hero and his demigod girlfriend.

Guardians continues that story, splitting it between Master Chief and his rag tag team of Spartan allies as they chase down said demigod, and Spartan Locke who has been tasked with bringing Chief back into line, the romantic killjoy that he is.

Regardless of his intent, the game opens with a wonderful scene of badassery, freefalling out of an aircraft onto the slope of a mountain while shooting, stabbing and generally parkouring their way through Covenant and Prometheans, soldiers and vehicles alike.

Then the game begins. I make the first move and my first thought is... "Are we under water?"

These super soldiers trudged their way through snow, cement in their shoes, arthritis apparent in all joints, rust ruining the joints of their suits. I wonder to myself "Has it always been this way? Have Halo games always been this slow grind amongst firefights? Have my years of frantic commotions been seemingly immobile?"

Hell. The realisation hits me. The Demons have persisted in my mind. Their gift of agility haunts me, frustrating me as I try to defeat this handicap, all while wondering if I will have the same problem in other games, to be forced into a quagmire that doesn't exist.

These are the demons that will now forever haunt me, as I reminisce on my time returning to hell, never to be the same again.

Heh.  Cute.

Re-something or other

You know how most generations of console have a direct mascot that everyone thinks of? Sega has Sonic; Nintendo has Mario; Xbox has Master Chief. But I can't think of just one mascot for PlayStation.

Over the Generations there have been a wonderful plethora of characters that would be considered their Iconic Mascot, from Crash Bandicoot, to Jak and Daxter, to Sackboy/girl/person.

One that rips a new one into my heart is Ratchet and Clank, which is why I bought the 2016 reboot over Doom (4).

I've seen all manner of Re-descriptives over the last generation and now and I go into it with cautious skepticism since my first venture, Splinter Cell, which came out with some smooth polygonal edges and higher resolution textures, but coupled with controls that were not improved and the same FMVs from the original game, stretched out and very poor quality from even the time it came from.

A few years have passed since then and I have retained that cautious eye as I loaded the disc, thinking back fondly on the 10 playthroughs I made just to earn the R.Y.N.O.

Then I was thrown straight back into that world again, dodging enemy lasers, slamming the Omniwrench on mutant critters, firing off all manner of quirky weapons into the fray. I was having a fantastic time, until I had a sudden realisation.

It's exactly the same. Every level, every secret, every enemy, every weapon... Exactly the same, but prettier.

This was my fault. I came into this hearing the word reboot and made an arse out of me and me by assuming that meant things were going to be different, that while it would have its similarities, I would be playing different levels and a new twist would occur somewhere in the game that would have me storing away cash for the (surely) coming sequel that would give them the creative rights to make their own original sequel.

Now I exaggerate (such is my want) on that the game is exactly the same. It certainly isn't, it is a product of refinement. They took notes from all the previous games and applied what worked while keeping it simple.

Like the weapon leveling system, whereby you collect Raritanium to give your weapons increased abilities, from Ammo Capacity to higher rate of fire, all of which are laid out on a pattern made of hexagons. And if certain hexes were surrounded, you were provided with a more unique feature to the weapon, such as mini predator rockets that track more targets. Then once you have maxed out their level, it turns into a better gun with another new and unique aspect.

But small changes do not make a new game. A new character here, a new level there, it isn't enough to call it a new game but will be enough to change the future of Ratchet and Clank. Those changes do make enough for the future, but the now is where I am disappointed. Sure keep the locations the same, give the general plot a roll in the same direction, but I would have liked new maps to roam around in and explore, not the same places I visited almost 15 years ago.

The game broke its own Knees

"Introducing your new best friend, the Kneecapper Classic!"

Tell me something. Whats your best weapon in Fallout 4? Take your time.

Oh, Overseers Guardian? Yeah, thats pretty good. Two shots for one, thats double damage every time. Great for sniping until you can get Old Reliable.

Splattercannon? It goes alright. Keep your aim good and youll be copping it sweet as your damage overloads the big bastard's health bar.

Big Boy? Fkn oath thats good. Just the other day I was joking about using that to clear out some bumpkin blokes yard, using the MIRV Mod for added effect.

Well youre all wrong. The correct answer is my Legendary Kneecapper Pipe Rifle.

This little beauty unloads the drum barrel in... well if I said seconds, then I'm implying I spend less time reloading.

Every time I unleash this firehose of .38 Rounds, everyone kneels before me like I'm exposing a cock as heavy as gods own.

Seriously, 20% on every fucking shot might break the legs of whatever dried scrotum has a go at me? Its outrageous! It hits like a slightly moist napkin, but that's not the point here.

I've had ghouls in dresses, Raiders with Shishkebabs, Supermutants with Floorboards that still have the bathroom sink attached, and "I'm a big fucker with a fancy hat" Swan all have a crack at me and everything went A over T for them.

And here I am, a year later, level 102, and I am still rocking that sweet arsehole of a rifle and I will never look back.

Xcom 2? More like Se- Oh maybe I won't make that joke

I remember the final moments of XCOM.  I was on a roll, slowly moving forward through the temple ship, entrenching myself positively before bombarding something like a Sectopod with anything and everything I have.

And when I reached that final room, the last thing that went through the Uber Ethereals head was enough plasma to power Australia for fifteen years.  And that's only from a couple of shots from my Sniper.

Anyway, my Volunteer did what any semi-omnipotent Psion would:  He saved the Fuckin Day.  Everyone watched the Temple Ship rise up from it's place, floating up out of the Atmosphere, and loudly implode.

Lets move 20 years ahead.  All that I described above?  It never happened.  Humans didn't win the war.  Hell, they didn't win the battle.  Aliens descended and we were overrun by Technology and Numbers.  Seems the more likely outcome, no?  But hey, at least it's nice to know what could have been.

Now we walk the perfectly paved streets of Alien Megacities, stalking the shadows before ambushing the alien forces policing their new home, before stealing back to their new mobile headquarters, dubbed the moniker "Avenger".

I am super excited for Xcom 2, especially since Ive been playing Fallout 4.  Weird comparison I realise, but the reason is because Fallout feels like a Turn Based game.  Every time I trigger V.A.T.S. adjacent to an enemy, I usually have a 95 percentile to hit, and usually the game rolls the 5% needed to miss.  Immediately I'm reminded of a grinning meme saying "THATS XCOM BABY".

That was when I stumbled across the Lets Play Videos that were recently released, and began to salivate all over again, wishing I could satiate my thirst on the death of various and numerous aliens.  I comtinue to watch long into the morning, yearning to be behind the controls of the demonstration the video reviewers are posting, while debating on trying to accomplish Impossible Ironman on my own console, along with purposely ramping the difficulty by refusing to create the powerhouses known as MECs.

The Videos were incredibly enlightening, showing us a handful of the secrets allowed by the developers and company, focusing on Soldiers, Combat, and some Strategy Layer features.  It is noteworthy the information provided from soldier profiles, informing not only of their Health, Aim and Will, but also Movement, Armour, Dodge and Hack scores.

But what I'm really happy about is how the combat hasn't changed, it has Improved.  Rather than throw the magic of their first reboot out the window and starting afresh, or reusing everything and just chinging a few names and locales, they just tacked on new features that I wish were in XCOM Enemy Unknown/Within.

Weapon Modifications, Grenade Launchers, Computer Hacking...  So many improvements that I cannot wait for.  But have to as I am going to get a console port if and when that happens.

The more things stay the same

Master Rahool would look good in a Hawaiian Shirt

Some people think Video Games have come a long way over the few decades they've been around, and its irrefutable, games have gotten more imaginative and clever as time has come and gone. Some things, though, simply remain the same and you don't notice it until you look a bit deeper.

Take Battle Hunter. Its an extremely simple game, literally a board game for your console with a handful of plot points to serve as motivators.  It was fun, if a little tedious and dished out a poor serving of ass whooping unless you were particularly levelled and equipped, but fun none the less.  The gameplay was straight forward, bringing player from Battlefield to Hub and back again for no more reason than to find better gear and earn some dosh along the way.

Doesn't that sound familiar to a Space Shooter that was released about a year ago?  Funny that.

So here I am looking at it and wondering what the bloody difference there is between Destiny and some of the games of the '90s and early '00s and I'm finding it difficult to nail it down aside from the obvious things of "It's 3D and HD."

Frankly, Destiny could easily be recreated as an Indie game.  Get some Pixel Art in there and make it a side-scrolling shooter.  Keep all the same aspects to it and let the players go hogwild.  Then just add Flavour to taste and you're good as gold.

You can keep the Tower, just drop it down to a series of Menu options.  Frankly, it'd make the game more personable, making you feel like you actually have some sort of relationship with the NPCs of the Tower.  Because right now, Zavala is the Head of the FBI from Fringe, Cayde and Ikora are Captain and First Mate of the Firefly Serenity, and Banshee was great in Gears of War and Adventure Time.

To be fair, the DLC's have taken steps in that direction.  Cayde is still... well Nathan Fillon, but hey, I like him.  I'll keep him.

Destiny however, is getting pretty stale.  The marketing is, and probably always will be, a flagrant method of extortion, while the game may expand out and up it still comes back to being a repetitive grind for new gear in the end.

Falling Out from Reality

Damn Straight.

Is it weird that the only connection i have to anything outside of Fallout 4 is my obscure references in my Weapon names?  Like my first weapon in the game was a 10mm Pistol.  Its a good pistol, and I've been using it on and off throughout the game, upgrading it to the best mods...

I named it Mjolnir.  A good solid name.  And from then on, it just got more and more obscure.  I had a Bolt Action Pipe Rifle, a gun that essentially looks like a block of wood with some copper pipes and long bolts sticking out of it.  I called it White Death, to reference the Polish Sniper of WWII.  I gave it a scope though, because Video Games don't care about reflections.

It was at this point that i gave no fucks about what the story was.  I was on Walkabout, going to every length of the map to find whatever there was to look at.  I went south and went past the border of the map, going deep into the glowing sea to see what I could see see see.  I lost many Radaways due to the pure radioactivity there amongst the downs planes and nearly empty military bunkers.

Then once I thought I had reached the end, I moved all the way back up to Sanctuary and started my way East, exploring more and more.  My only rule was to never go onto the island where Diamond City is.  Don't cross that bridge, just keep going on walkabout until everything is found.

Throughout all this I've come across a cavalcade of Legendary Enemies, dropping gear all over the joint, only a handful of which I've been using in regular circulation.  But I've kept them either on myself or in my treasure trove in Sanctuary.

My first legendary weapon was a Pipe Wrench called Big Jim.  Now, everyone can get this leg crippling bastard.  He's not a game breaking weapon by any length, but he does his job the way he should.  By hitting whomever in the head and making their legs fall out from underneath.  Its very straight forward methodology, and very effective to boot.

But I put him to the wayside.  That wasn't my style. I wanted rifles, and to drop every bastard from here to Timbuktu from the pleasure of my couch.  So i was happy when I got my first Legendary drop: a Nocturnal Hunting Rifle.

It was cool, interesting, and along the lines of what I wanted, so I modded the shit out of it and started getting people a little jealous when at one point I showed I was doing double the usual damage when it came to the dead of night.  I was dropping every bastard who thought they were hard enough to sort out a puny fella like me.  Little did they know, they didn't even hear the gunshot before they hit the ground.

Mind, everyone else did.  So began the scramble for headshots and a new hiding hole.

I tried to give it a good name though.  Something badass and thematically appropriate.

Well, you are using it to kill under the guise of darkness.  Why not Grim's Reaper?

Oh yeah, i could sit behind that.  Grim's Reaper coming down and separating you from the mortal coil? Done like Dinner!

I had shared this on Facebook, because that;s a feature I thought I could utilise with all the cool kids playing alongside me.

Is that right?  Would i mean Parallel since they're not in the same game as me?  Or concurrently?

Anyway, someone made a comment about the ability saying it works as a night time solar panel.  It was so true, but something inside me clicked:  a solar panel does what? Lays down in the sun. And what happens when you lay down in the sun? I burn, with the intention of getting a tan. And if you were using the moon yo-u'd BE A MOON TANNER.

And because i do love the Moontanner from the last few times i saw Felafel, it wad the perfect name for my rifle.  Not near as badass as Grim's Reaper, but better i feel.

I got more and more Legendary weapons, usually replacing certain models I had already upgraded and used as alternative Ammo sources, and respectively gave them new names.

Like White Death.  It was a plain bolt action rifle, exceptional in its duty.  So when its replacement dealt additional damage to Super Mutants, it was easy: Green Death.

More weapons came and went.  Grymkin (revolver pipe rifle with additional damage against Robots); Kneecapper (auto pipe rifle with chance to cripple legs); Barking Iron (shotgun with critical: refill action points).  I'm still pretty proud of myself with some of these names.

But the time has come that I have reached my limit.  I've explored every nook and cranny of the wasteland of suburban Boston.  Now it's time to tackle the big city, and to kick ass.  Or die trying, since they may be overequipped compared to me.

Tower Defence with Friends

Hmm.  Not enough Dakka.

Ive made only a few memorable moments in video games, things that made everyone cheer me on for hours afterwards.  Like one time at The Bunker the boys and I were playing Dawn of War.  It was a map designed for an all out brawl over a Relic Point (I think thats right?) in the centre, with everyones base in each corner.  Scoot and Chase were against Aaron and I for the simple reason that Aaron and I played Orks, and Scoot and Chase played Space Morons and Imperial Gumbys.

Aaron was doing his best to fend off both Scoot and Chase, he was calling out to me, saying he was losing ground and needed more help than the one or two units of sluggas I had started the game with. It all changed when I waded into the fight to the immediate cry of "IS THAT A KILLA KAN?!"

The game ended quickly when there were a couple of Rage Quits, so while I may be very proud of my achievement, I didnt get to revelle in it by razing their base to the ground to the chant of ORKS ORKS ORKS!

The other big one I remember is Gears of War 3's Horde 2.0.  The boys and I again, fighting the fight of the century (REALLY), and we reached either wave 30 or 40, i cant remember.  What I can remember was the Lambent Berserker and the Ensuing Carnage.  We had all this gear set up, Scotty had gotten himself a Silverback and was mowing everything down with glee, Grubs were slogging through laser fences, and anyone who wasn't shooting straight into the spread eagled bastards was mounted up on turrets, pummelling everyone else.

Through poor situational awareness, or just picking the wrong guy to fight, everyone died and I was left alone.  Just me... And the big, glowy, tentacled, practically invulnerable, rock monster.

I ran and ran and dodgerolled and cried like a little bitch over the microphone as i took poorly timed, yet specifically planned, potshots at the She-Hulk as the frustration grew and grew on her until through either pure exhaustion, or an invisible health bar that was whittled down to nothing, she fell like a sack of bricks and victory was mine.  I put one foot on that gigantic glowing corpse and waited for the bulbs to flash, commemorating me into history.

Those were the glory days.  Then came Gears of War Judgement, a Spinoff following one of Gear's biggest douchebags, Baird, and the king of the ball game, the locomotive with the most-ive (come on, Meds), Cole Train.

It was a good story, and the gameplay changed a bit and turned it into a much more manic game than what it originally was.  Then there's the multiplayer.  They changed from the base defence style, to a class based survival called Overrun.

I played it a couple of times, running around like a chook with my head cut off, and didn't like it.  I felt it missed that feeling of being an enormous pillar against a torrential storm that I loved in Gears 3.  I'm not one to be against class based characters, but I don't want to rely on a Soldier dropping all the ammunition next to me while I'm scrambling away from some giant centipede nipping around my feet.

So looking ahead, I wonder what Gears 4 will accomplish when it comes to their Coop Survival mode.  Will they go back to the Horde 2.0?  Or will they bring back Overrun with some new Chemistry?  Because I'm really hoping to be able to save the day again.