Getting Down on Paper

Probably one of the more redeeming characters

Im having trouble getting down things I want to say, getting em down into a focused post, so I'm going to work with whats worked before: Big Fugoff Rant.

Where the fuck to start?  Borderlands 3 was a... reasonably good game.  It's got some big problems, the biggest of which is that it's taken the Loot Shooter aspect a little too far.  You get a gun, pick it up, and either sell it or use it if it's good enough.  That can be fun, but the levels are all pretty ordinary especially when they have added all this Parkour to it with Kicksliding, Mantling, and Power Slams.  I don't find they add much to combat, even with the artifacts that add to them, but the puzzles, THE PUZZLES!  There's some really basic environment stuff that focuses on those, a few climbing spots mostly, but after that it's just really underutilized in my opinion, so theres just a bunch of rather bland levels.

Otherwise there's the same problems everyone else has, the story is very safe and ordinary, and draws WAY too much from the previous games.  The DLC's are doing a good job in that, but the main story just whiffs significantly.

Then there's the big flops over the last 18 months.  I wanna talk about them, how Rage 2 had some good aspects to it but just really really really was a vapid game.  There was literally 8 main missions, and that was it.  After that you had to make your own fun.

Don't get me wrong, I love a supersuit story.  Crysis is one of my favourite series and to be running around a massive map with that sounds like a fucking fun game.  It was my hope for Crysis 3, in fact, but you'd be roaming about New York under a Dome and fulfilling whatever Psycho needed you to do.  It wasn't bad as it was, but I was a little let down by that.

Rage 2 however just seriously underdelivered.  If they make a Rage 3, I hope they either fix what they did wrong, or they just do something completely different.

Same goes with Fallout 76.  The game had potential, they have this massive intricate map with a veritable tonne of different landmarks and events, but it just didn't have any real impact on anything and hardly made it worth playing.

Then the marketting.  Holy shit what a scumjob that was.  Right now you can purchase a subscription which allows you to play it as a single player game, even though you already paid full price for the game, and you still have to be able to access it online.  If you're on console you need your online subscription on top of that which can double the price.  I was at least hoping I could just roam about by myself the other day, but I was shut down pretty quickly on that.

You'll notice that all these games were big Bethesda releases, and to add to that list of disappointment was Wolfenstein: Youngblood.  Yes, you can have a friend or random join you as you roam Nazi 80's Paris.  But if all you're doing is just fetch missions or destroy missions with little to no purpose behind it, you're just playing with yourself at that point.

The credit to those three games is that they are very cool looking.  They have gorgeous landscapes and art, a lot of real character behind them, and the potential to even be more characterful given the right writers and direction.

Two seconds before they became Red Mist (TM)

Doom Eternal was at least a really fun game.  It is fast paced, it is cathartic (my word of the month), and just really satisfying when you outsmart a bunch of demons that are scrambling around trying to kill you.  Sure, it's a little goofy looking with giant glowing powerups around and not fitting into the areas and makes it look like you're playing Spyro the Dragon, or Mario Bros, but it's still really fun to run and gun, especially around these really well crafted maps.  It's a game that Borderlands 3 could have taken a lot of note from.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is Warmachine.  I know I said I've not been wanting to play it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to have myself an awesome army to pick up and adjust when I want it.

And that army is definitely my classic 4th Assault Legion, last known as the Legs Eleven.  That army has significantly built out under its theme of "Armoured Corps".  I've got a gripe with having to play under themes now, but I'm foregoing it for the sake of this army.

It starts of with Kommandant Sorscha Kratikoff, a character that I previously didn't like for her assassin playstyle and considered too easy, but loved her character.  I still think her first form is still too easy, even with all her nerfs and such, but her Second and Third Incarnations are signficantly riskier and more fun for all parties.

Naturally, she has to take Beast-09 with her.  I love pairing Casters with their Personal Warjacks, and just about everyone has a pairing at this point.  Battle Mechanics, Bombardiers, Demo Corps, and Shocktroopers each have their own Command Attachments.  The Demo Corps have a character who romps around with a pair of hammers to lay the beatdown on whoever's in front of him.

The Solos have expanded out as well, accompanying the Drakhun and Kovnik are the Forge Seers, basically Greylords in Man-O-War Armour, and Tankers: Man-O-War the size of Warjacks.

Now, just because they're the same size as a Khadoran Warjack, doesn't mean they're quite as tough.  They have about a third of the health and almost as much armour, which they make up for with a pair of shields, but they still do a good job of playing Glass Fuggoff Cannons.

The Units are all paired up with Officers now, the Bombardier adding to an already fun unit, and the Shocktrooper giving them everything they every need and resemble: an encroaching Wall of Iron.  Almost completely immovable from their places.

The Demolition Corps, aka: Big Blokes with Fuggoff And Chill Hammers (tm), have their own Sergeant attachment in the form of Dragos Dragadovich.  If it wasn't awesome enough that they attack out of turn, he also romps around with two Fuggoff And Chill Hammers (tm) to bang about like a Salvation Army Drum.

Not just any cannon, a VULCAN Cannon

Then, the creme de la creme: The Battle Engines.  It sounds really awesome when you say Battle Engine, but then you feel differently about a bloke in power armour behind a mounted Cannon while his Chariot is being pulled by two Clydesdales plated to the rim.

It really is a fantastic army to even consider.  Add in a few mercenaries of similar stock, like an Ogrun Bokur or Steelhead Ironhead, maybe even Herne and Jonne to add more AOE's to the Bombardiers, and you're good as Gold.

That's the ideal list.  Just tankly upon tankly, themed out the wazoo, and a fun list to play all around.

Thats one of the things that I fell in love with when it came to Warmachine.  Blokes in pressure cookers beating down infantry with Halberds and stuff.  That's why I want to get part of it as my Gaming Tattoo.  I mocked up a Heraldry with a modified Shocktrooper Shield, Sorscha's Frostfang Hammer, and the Shocktroopers Annihilator Blade.  It's not a great image but at least if I give it to a proper artist I can give a few pointers and say "This is what I want", explain it more, and go on from there.

Couple that with the Sonic 3 and Knuckles logo, the Ghost in the Machine Logo, and Death riding a motorcycle (from the cover of Terry Pratchetts Soul Music) and you have my ideal gaming arm tattoo.

I've looked into a lot of tattoos, toying with the idea of "If I were to get this" and google comes back with a tonne of awesome results.  One time I just went on a binge of "What if I got a beer tattoo?" and after looking at a bunch of different beer tatts, I remembered that I don't like beer and prefer Cider, so I went searching for Cider tattoos.

I didn't realise how old the cider culture actually was.  I was originally thinking about getting the Magners Irish Cider logo on there but it was pretty ordinary, nothing like the Guinness stuff.  Then I found out about the German stuff and that was really cool, the traditional glasses and the Bembels that Germany uses, there is a lot of cool stuff.

I have an idea I want for other tattoos, but they're all ideas, nothing too serious.  Kinda like my want to get a Datsun and a Motorbike.  I toy with the ideas of getting a Motorcycle because it's cheap and cool, two things I can really enjoy.  But because Im a wuss and am already pretty convinced that I would end up A over T before I know it, I want to get one with a sidecar.  Then I could take my lady love for a drive.

A friend of mine pointed me to Ural, a Russian company that specialises in bikes with sidecars, and I kinda fell in love.  I love the style of bikes from the War time era, kinda bare bones and everything.  Ural kinda has that look with a few modern amenities, so if I were to get a brand new bike I would definitely be looking these guys up.

Imagine being this close and
not being able to justify it

The Datsun would be a passion project, an old car that I could learn to fix up and then take out for a cruise on weekends.  I figure it's a two-birds-one-stone idea, but with our living situation I don't have anywhere to keep it, let alone anyone to teach me.

To dream of having that one day though, to be cruising down the old highways of the US, enjoying the scenery, some awesome music playing as we stop at different places and try new foods or experiences... well that's the dream.

I got more inspiration from when we went to Florida.  I found I kinda inherited my dads ability to drive at night with little hassles in exhaustion.  Really, my only problem was my leg cramping up a bit, but that's more than likely from sitting in one place for 6+ hours at a time coupled with a bit of dehydration.

The inspiration is the Outrun theme.  In my mind I'm thinking Turbo Outrun, a game I played on the Sega Mega Drive where you drove from New York to Los Angeles, also known as The Cannonball Run.  But when I look it up in Ye Olde Searche Engine-e, I find out that it's a theme around neons and sunset/sunrises.

I began following the r/Outrun subreddit and since then gotten buckets of more inspiration.  Simple things, like gentle glowing interior outlines and console colours, and even a pair of pictures to put on the rear panels of the car mixing the Outrun Sun with the Datsun logo, then just making it a little cheesier by having the right hand side the Japanese Logo and styled like a sunrise, and the left hand side the English Logo styled with a sunset, and bob's your mothers brother you have something cool.

Again though, it's all dreams and Pixie Dust.  Maybe one day in the future, but in the mean time I'll keep that in my pocket in case the opportunity crops up again.

In Mother Russia, Bear Run Over YOU

My Year(s) in Video Games

Well lets deal with the obvious.  I haven't posted here in what feels like an age.  Last post I made was about how I was excited about the Notorious High Tier Assassin Sorscha was being made into a new Warcaster matching my Favourite Theme of Steam Powered Heavy Armour Soldiers.

Sadly I've kinda fallen out of love with Warmachine through my lack of play and interest, feeling very "back in my day, we had fun with our game" about it since I really began lurking and watching from the sidelines, and wishing I could play the Iron Kingdoms RPG instead, mostly because I got a Humble Bundle Deal that got me about 99% of the RPG books for a song.

From that I made a bunch of cool characters, all with little back stories and parties they've formed together, loose motives for their future so that any DM's have something to fuel their own narrative.  Yes I realise that means I should DM my own campaign, but I have every excuse in the book that puts me off of that.

I actually thought about doing a Play By Mail campaign with people, but I just get myself overwhelmed by trying to find some definitive answers from the internet.  I've gotten very Anti-internet for a while and now my Facebook feed is pretty much just a continuing roll of memes and tags.

So I fill in my own time with Video Games, and the last few years have been pretty hit and miss for video games.

Like Xcom 2: War of the Chosen, a fantastic expansion to the game.  It added a bunch of new stuff, like new classes and enemies, new gameplay options, new maps, even a whole new enemy type which is more hassle than they're really worth, but hey you can't get everything right.  Especially when it comes to getting a port fully working.

For ages though I've had a want to make an Xcom Campaign, something more focused on an individual party and having a bunch of encounters based on the different mission types you'd normally encounter in the Grand Strategy games, just more in depth with characters and strategy.

The more I think of it though, the cooler I think it would be as a proper video game taking inspirations from a bunch of games, starting with Xcom: Apocalypse which is focused around a singular Megacity, to Nier Automata, which seems like a far stretch but bear with me, the inspiration comes from the gameplay mechanics which changes style as you go.

For example, one minute you could be fighting in a 3D open arena with enemies coming from all around, to a classic 2D platformer style as you progress through to other map regions.  So from that, I would like to take inspiration from other turn based games and implement them into minor missions or encounters.

The more I think about it though the more I realise I kinda would use features of Mutant Year Zero, a game I really enjoyed, as short lived as it was.  If I were to nitpick it, the tedium of silent takeouts was a little grating, but still it was fun.  It could have been a little more than what it was.

When two world collide
and really support each other

Speaking of games that were more than what was expected: DOOM.  Jesus Christ that was a good game.  The speed, the fun, the exhilaration, the ripping and tearing.  The sequel is coming out in a months time and I'm excited for it even though it looks extremely arcade like in its play.  Lots of double jumping, swing bars, and wall climbing.  I saw a Youtube Card of someones review with the words "Best Mario Game Not Made By Nintendo", which feels conflicting, but hey I'm still keen.

Speaking of Nintendo, Jenny got me a Switch Lite.  It's more or less like a Playstation Portable but bigger and lighter.  I still want to get a grip case for it, maybe something that extends its battery life as well, but that has to wait until I get back to work again before I make any more.

In the meantime I have a handful of games that came with the Xmas present.  Jenny had asked around and got me The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Civilization VI, Sonic Team Racing, Mario and Sonic Olympics, and Nickelodeon Kart Racing.  The two biggest ones I wanted to play though were Breath of the Wild and Civ6.

Civilization is a game I haven't really played much in my life until this point.  I had Civ 2 or 3 when I was in high school, my mum got it as a group package with Sim City 2000 and The Settlers 2: Veni, Vidi, Vici.  I faffed around with it a lot, but never really sat down with it to understand the rules.  I gave Civ a fair crack of the whip, but on top of the rather awkward UI on the small screen I still don't really know what it is I'm accomplishing.  I do need to spend more time with it though.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is a very different kettle of fish.  I'm far from finished on it, having only accomplished one of the four mechanical beasts that help in the fight of Calamity Ganon and largely only explored the bottom half of the map between getting my arse served by a new high level monster that I happen to snag the attention of.  It's a good game, don't get me wrong, but I think once I get that grip case I will have a better time fighting thanks to more flexibility in my hands.

While we are on the subject of Nintendo I've been watching a series called Game Makers Toolkit.  My mate Andy pointed me in Mark Browns direction while we were talking about certain games and their mechanics.  Mr Brown had covered the subject quite well and since then I have the occasional playthrough of all his available Youtube videos (Sorry Mark, I can't spare the dosh for your Patreon) while I play a game or sleep.  He's very soothing.

But the ones that really stood out were the series on Metroid.  I have never played a Metroid game in my life.  I think there was a period where I was using a Gameboy emulator and I may have tried to start off one of the Metroid games available but never stuck with it.  His retrospective series gave me a really good insight into the games and piqued my interest into Hollow Knight.

Hollow Knight is about a small Bug Soldier exploring an ancient kingdom called Hollownest.  You explore this hive of networked environments, meeting insects and grubs, defeating rabid bosses, and discovering secrets and history of this fascinating and magical world.  I'm 77% of the way through according to the little meter in the corner of my inventory screen so I have plenty more to find and achieve.

My favourite part of the Remaster

The style of the game has me fascinated though.  The closest I can say that I've played to this is Wonder Boy: The Dragons Trap, which has a beautiful Remaster that threw me back to my Master System days so easily that when I turned on the Retro Visuals I almost thought it was a gag.  That was the closest I came to a Metroidvania game though, and I kinda want to get into more of that style of game now that I've dabbled into it.

Speaking of Re-something games, there was Sonic Mania.  Everyone and their Mother knows that I love Sonic the Hedgehog.  He's my favourite.  I want to get a Tattoo of the Sonic and Knuckles logo on my shoulder because Sonic 3 and Knuckles is my favourite game of all time.  I wouldn't be able to tell you how many hours I've sunk into it, but I know I've deleted and restarted all of those save slots until they were all 100% several times over.

Sonic Mania was really fun though.  I wasn't a big fan of some of the newer Zones, some of them stuck out as being out of place, but its still a really fun game.  I haven't been able to sit myself down to max out everything yet but I want to get a Genesis Controller for my Playstation just so I can really get back into how I used to play, which weirdly had my right hand turned over so I'm using my digits instead of my thumb to jump.

My other favourite game that came out was Borderlands 3.  A good game overall, but sadly their antagonists weren't particularly encapsulating, especially when they were following one of the best arseholes to kill off at the end of his story, Handsome Jack.

I keep seeing people on Reddit going "Bring back Handsome Jack!" which is depressing because that's really just beating a dead horse.  I love Handsome Jack, he's a great bastard to hate, and there are a few references to him, particularly in one side mission that really brings to light how malicious he can be, but he's done.  He has died in all but a Gun that plays voice clips of him.

The new Antagonists are nowhere near as hard hitting.  I said in an old post, that I'm going to redo an elaborate on one day, that there was a turning point.  That you have him playing in your ear and you don't really take him seriously until you reach a real turning point, and suddenly you have it in your heart that you need to take him down.  You need to go after him and really kill him off.

You can't go wrong with a Robot Beast Tamer

That doesn't really happen in 3.  It could be because they stumbled upon playing the same card as they did with Handsome Jack in 2, or because they just aren't that impressive, there just isn't that turning point in the story where you're motivated to stop them.

Thankfully they still have DLC coming out.  The first was a fun tribute to Handsome Jack's Stunt Double and Moxxi where you raid a Casino.  Good value.  The next one is going to be really fun as well, but I have no idea what that'll be.

Another game that really changed things up is Gears of War 5.  Or Gears 5, as they are want to go with now.  Largely, the game is still the same.  Cover based shooting and encroaching against Mutants that emerge from the ground, occasionally with a Gigantic Monster to accompany them.  But what I liked about it was the change from just straight mission after mission to a semi-open world setting, travelling on a Kite Sled between notable locations and regions that lead into missions.  Something a bit more freeform in play.

Which can be bad, such as the case of Wolfenstein Youngblood.  That was not a good game.  A lot of ideas going for it, but just so poorly executed.  A lot of cool stuff for it, the levels are pretty, the combat is fun, the super powers are always a fun addition, but... god everything else was as shallow as a Kiddy Pool.

John Carmack, one of the big Doom Guys, said "Story in a game is like a story in a porn movie. It's expected to be there, but it's not that important."  Well that's all well and good, but if you really treat it like that you get this game, where you have so little direction for your players to go that you flounder what you want them to do and encounter.

So that's what I mean by hit and miss.  There's been really good games and there have been really bad games.  I'm keen on what 2020 has to offer for games, but there's still the matter of all the games i"m yet to play.  Like Prey, Outer Worlds, and Dishonoured: Death of the Outsider.  And I haven't even finished talking about all the games I've played, really, but hey, I gotta stop this at some point.

Insert Token Self Deprecating Meme

The Wolf, the Hunter, and the Soldier

It's true!  Red Bull gives you wings!  And Cyberpowers!

I've heard nothing but good things about Wolfenstein: The New Order since it came out.  From great advertising to reviews with little criticisms on it.  But eventually the hype died out and that's usually the time I get my hands on such gems, because like every joke about Australia, I am a few years behind on "the times".

It was one of my Numerous Birthday presents and I was excited to crack it open, but I did what was sensible and said I would play all the other games that are on my Xbox 360 first so that I may one day put that away and focus on my PS4.

So I played a bunch of Terraria, half heartedly since I want to get it on Playstation now, and unwrapped the Nazi killing Bastard from his airtight plastic cage and entered him into the vague, featureless Brick that is apparently called a Playstation 4.

After the initial hazing normally involved with putting a game into your console these days I was finally thrown into the frying pan, or at least a big plane with a Pom and a bunch of other soldiers headed towards a new enemy: General Deathshead.

He's a creepy bastard.  My first encounter with Herr General had me staring at him through wire glass as he closed the walls in on me and my comrades.  I stared into his unflinching, smiling, scarred face as he watched everyone else panic, not even bothering to help them try and get out of this predicament.

I played on, shooting and slashing up Nazi's between avoiding Panzerhunds and pissing off Cyborgs.  It was a good time.  And the more I went on the more I got into the setting, reading news articles about the fall of Britain, the surrender of the United States, and the treatment of citizens and their 'impurities'.

Then, as I was exploring around the secret headquarters of the Resistance, I found a mattress tucked away in a high corner with a little interactive option saying "Nightmare!"

Lo and Behold, I was transported back to Wolfenstein 3D.  I was still Blazkowicz, pistol detailed as ever, but everything else was exactly as it was back in 1992.  It was fun and it made me think how much the game has changed since when ID software first made it.

And every time I think of ID Software, I think about two other games.  Doom and Quake, their two other flagship games.  I have Doom and Wolfenstein 3D on my Xbox 360 and spent so many hours collecting achievements and completing them as a whole.  Especially Doom since as soon as you finished the game you got the Doomguy outfit for your Xbox Avatar which I have accessorised and kept ever since.

"I STUBBED MY TOE ON THE COFFEE TABLE!"

With all the fun I've had with Classic Doom I cant wait for New Doom (TM) coming from Bethesda who, conveniently, had a hand in Wolfenstein: The New Order, something Im reminded of every time I load the game.  And every video I've watched of New Doom (TM) has been a fantastic and entertaining bloodbath of gunfire, action kills, and frantic running about.  Frankly only one step up from Classic Doom, because they didn't have action kills that involve pushing in Imp eyes until the skull explodes.

But Doom isn't my favourite.  And neither is Wolfenstein.  My favourite is Quake II, and I can't really tell you why.  It could be that I feel like a God running around dodging everything and exploring these long, dirty, rusted, grimy corridors shooting down strange Alien Cyborgs on their home planet.  I worked alone, finding comrades driven to madness from experimentation and torture; discovering strange works of art in grandiose cathedral fortresses; destroying strange machinations determined to do one thing: Kill You.

So I am going to really enjoy Wolfenstein: The New Order because not only is it a fun game, it is a deep game.  You find news articles about how the tide remained in the Nazi's favour and they continued the tidal wave across the world, and then fifteen years on they were settled everywhere with an Iron Grip.

And in knowing that I look forward to the possibility of a New Quake whether it continues the war against the Strogg, throwing you straight back into the midst of it, or just creating a whole new story with you forming an entire new front against this horrific enemy.

Inappropriate Kanye is Inappropriate