Getting Down on Paper

Probably one of the more redeeming characters

Im having trouble getting down things I want to say, getting em down into a focused post, so I'm going to work with whats worked before: Big Fugoff Rant.

Where the fuck to start?  Borderlands 3 was a... reasonably good game.  It's got some big problems, the biggest of which is that it's taken the Loot Shooter aspect a little too far.  You get a gun, pick it up, and either sell it or use it if it's good enough.  That can be fun, but the levels are all pretty ordinary especially when they have added all this Parkour to it with Kicksliding, Mantling, and Power Slams.  I don't find they add much to combat, even with the artifacts that add to them, but the puzzles, THE PUZZLES!  There's some really basic environment stuff that focuses on those, a few climbing spots mostly, but after that it's just really underutilized in my opinion, so theres just a bunch of rather bland levels.

Otherwise there's the same problems everyone else has, the story is very safe and ordinary, and draws WAY too much from the previous games.  The DLC's are doing a good job in that, but the main story just whiffs significantly.

Then there's the big flops over the last 18 months.  I wanna talk about them, how Rage 2 had some good aspects to it but just really really really was a vapid game.  There was literally 8 main missions, and that was it.  After that you had to make your own fun.

Don't get me wrong, I love a supersuit story.  Crysis is one of my favourite series and to be running around a massive map with that sounds like a fucking fun game.  It was my hope for Crysis 3, in fact, but you'd be roaming about New York under a Dome and fulfilling whatever Psycho needed you to do.  It wasn't bad as it was, but I was a little let down by that.

Rage 2 however just seriously underdelivered.  If they make a Rage 3, I hope they either fix what they did wrong, or they just do something completely different.

Same goes with Fallout 76.  The game had potential, they have this massive intricate map with a veritable tonne of different landmarks and events, but it just didn't have any real impact on anything and hardly made it worth playing.

Then the marketting.  Holy shit what a scumjob that was.  Right now you can purchase a subscription which allows you to play it as a single player game, even though you already paid full price for the game, and you still have to be able to access it online.  If you're on console you need your online subscription on top of that which can double the price.  I was at least hoping I could just roam about by myself the other day, but I was shut down pretty quickly on that.

You'll notice that all these games were big Bethesda releases, and to add to that list of disappointment was Wolfenstein: Youngblood.  Yes, you can have a friend or random join you as you roam Nazi 80's Paris.  But if all you're doing is just fetch missions or destroy missions with little to no purpose behind it, you're just playing with yourself at that point.

The credit to those three games is that they are very cool looking.  They have gorgeous landscapes and art, a lot of real character behind them, and the potential to even be more characterful given the right writers and direction.

Two seconds before they became Red Mist (TM)

Doom Eternal was at least a really fun game.  It is fast paced, it is cathartic (my word of the month), and just really satisfying when you outsmart a bunch of demons that are scrambling around trying to kill you.  Sure, it's a little goofy looking with giant glowing powerups around and not fitting into the areas and makes it look like you're playing Spyro the Dragon, or Mario Bros, but it's still really fun to run and gun, especially around these really well crafted maps.  It's a game that Borderlands 3 could have taken a lot of note from.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is Warmachine.  I know I said I've not been wanting to play it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to have myself an awesome army to pick up and adjust when I want it.

And that army is definitely my classic 4th Assault Legion, last known as the Legs Eleven.  That army has significantly built out under its theme of "Armoured Corps".  I've got a gripe with having to play under themes now, but I'm foregoing it for the sake of this army.

It starts of with Kommandant Sorscha Kratikoff, a character that I previously didn't like for her assassin playstyle and considered too easy, but loved her character.  I still think her first form is still too easy, even with all her nerfs and such, but her Second and Third Incarnations are signficantly riskier and more fun for all parties.

Naturally, she has to take Beast-09 with her.  I love pairing Casters with their Personal Warjacks, and just about everyone has a pairing at this point.  Battle Mechanics, Bombardiers, Demo Corps, and Shocktroopers each have their own Command Attachments.  The Demo Corps have a character who romps around with a pair of hammers to lay the beatdown on whoever's in front of him.

The Solos have expanded out as well, accompanying the Drakhun and Kovnik are the Forge Seers, basically Greylords in Man-O-War Armour, and Tankers: Man-O-War the size of Warjacks.

Now, just because they're the same size as a Khadoran Warjack, doesn't mean they're quite as tough.  They have about a third of the health and almost as much armour, which they make up for with a pair of shields, but they still do a good job of playing Glass Fuggoff Cannons.

The Units are all paired up with Officers now, the Bombardier adding to an already fun unit, and the Shocktrooper giving them everything they every need and resemble: an encroaching Wall of Iron.  Almost completely immovable from their places.

The Demolition Corps, aka: Big Blokes with Fuggoff And Chill Hammers (tm), have their own Sergeant attachment in the form of Dragos Dragadovich.  If it wasn't awesome enough that they attack out of turn, he also romps around with two Fuggoff And Chill Hammers (tm) to bang about like a Salvation Army Drum.

Not just any cannon, a VULCAN Cannon

Then, the creme de la creme: The Battle Engines.  It sounds really awesome when you say Battle Engine, but then you feel differently about a bloke in power armour behind a mounted Cannon while his Chariot is being pulled by two Clydesdales plated to the rim.

It really is a fantastic army to even consider.  Add in a few mercenaries of similar stock, like an Ogrun Bokur or Steelhead Ironhead, maybe even Herne and Jonne to add more AOE's to the Bombardiers, and you're good as Gold.

That's the ideal list.  Just tankly upon tankly, themed out the wazoo, and a fun list to play all around.

Thats one of the things that I fell in love with when it came to Warmachine.  Blokes in pressure cookers beating down infantry with Halberds and stuff.  That's why I want to get part of it as my Gaming Tattoo.  I mocked up a Heraldry with a modified Shocktrooper Shield, Sorscha's Frostfang Hammer, and the Shocktroopers Annihilator Blade.  It's not a great image but at least if I give it to a proper artist I can give a few pointers and say "This is what I want", explain it more, and go on from there.

Couple that with the Sonic 3 and Knuckles logo, the Ghost in the Machine Logo, and Death riding a motorcycle (from the cover of Terry Pratchetts Soul Music) and you have my ideal gaming arm tattoo.

I've looked into a lot of tattoos, toying with the idea of "If I were to get this" and google comes back with a tonne of awesome results.  One time I just went on a binge of "What if I got a beer tattoo?" and after looking at a bunch of different beer tatts, I remembered that I don't like beer and prefer Cider, so I went searching for Cider tattoos.

I didn't realise how old the cider culture actually was.  I was originally thinking about getting the Magners Irish Cider logo on there but it was pretty ordinary, nothing like the Guinness stuff.  Then I found out about the German stuff and that was really cool, the traditional glasses and the Bembels that Germany uses, there is a lot of cool stuff.

I have an idea I want for other tattoos, but they're all ideas, nothing too serious.  Kinda like my want to get a Datsun and a Motorbike.  I toy with the ideas of getting a Motorcycle because it's cheap and cool, two things I can really enjoy.  But because Im a wuss and am already pretty convinced that I would end up A over T before I know it, I want to get one with a sidecar.  Then I could take my lady love for a drive.

A friend of mine pointed me to Ural, a Russian company that specialises in bikes with sidecars, and I kinda fell in love.  I love the style of bikes from the War time era, kinda bare bones and everything.  Ural kinda has that look with a few modern amenities, so if I were to get a brand new bike I would definitely be looking these guys up.

Imagine being this close and
not being able to justify it

The Datsun would be a passion project, an old car that I could learn to fix up and then take out for a cruise on weekends.  I figure it's a two-birds-one-stone idea, but with our living situation I don't have anywhere to keep it, let alone anyone to teach me.

To dream of having that one day though, to be cruising down the old highways of the US, enjoying the scenery, some awesome music playing as we stop at different places and try new foods or experiences... well that's the dream.

I got more inspiration from when we went to Florida.  I found I kinda inherited my dads ability to drive at night with little hassles in exhaustion.  Really, my only problem was my leg cramping up a bit, but that's more than likely from sitting in one place for 6+ hours at a time coupled with a bit of dehydration.

The inspiration is the Outrun theme.  In my mind I'm thinking Turbo Outrun, a game I played on the Sega Mega Drive where you drove from New York to Los Angeles, also known as The Cannonball Run.  But when I look it up in Ye Olde Searche Engine-e, I find out that it's a theme around neons and sunset/sunrises.

I began following the r/Outrun subreddit and since then gotten buckets of more inspiration.  Simple things, like gentle glowing interior outlines and console colours, and even a pair of pictures to put on the rear panels of the car mixing the Outrun Sun with the Datsun logo, then just making it a little cheesier by having the right hand side the Japanese Logo and styled like a sunrise, and the left hand side the English Logo styled with a sunset, and bob's your mothers brother you have something cool.

Again though, it's all dreams and Pixie Dust.  Maybe one day in the future, but in the mean time I'll keep that in my pocket in case the opportunity crops up again.

In Mother Russia, Bear Run Over YOU

The game broke its own Knees

"Introducing your new best friend, the Kneecapper Classic!"

Tell me something. Whats your best weapon in Fallout 4? Take your time.

Oh, Overseers Guardian? Yeah, thats pretty good. Two shots for one, thats double damage every time. Great for sniping until you can get Old Reliable.

Splattercannon? It goes alright. Keep your aim good and youll be copping it sweet as your damage overloads the big bastard's health bar.

Big Boy? Fkn oath thats good. Just the other day I was joking about using that to clear out some bumpkin blokes yard, using the MIRV Mod for added effect.

Well youre all wrong. The correct answer is my Legendary Kneecapper Pipe Rifle.

This little beauty unloads the drum barrel in... well if I said seconds, then I'm implying I spend less time reloading.

Every time I unleash this firehose of .38 Rounds, everyone kneels before me like I'm exposing a cock as heavy as gods own.

Seriously, 20% on every fucking shot might break the legs of whatever dried scrotum has a go at me? Its outrageous! It hits like a slightly moist napkin, but that's not the point here.

I've had ghouls in dresses, Raiders with Shishkebabs, Supermutants with Floorboards that still have the bathroom sink attached, and "I'm a big fucker with a fancy hat" Swan all have a crack at me and everything went A over T for them.

And here I am, a year later, level 102, and I am still rocking that sweet arsehole of a rifle and I will never look back.

Falling Out from Reality

Damn Straight.

Is it weird that the only connection i have to anything outside of Fallout 4 is my obscure references in my Weapon names?  Like my first weapon in the game was a 10mm Pistol.  Its a good pistol, and I've been using it on and off throughout the game, upgrading it to the best mods...

I named it Mjolnir.  A good solid name.  And from then on, it just got more and more obscure.  I had a Bolt Action Pipe Rifle, a gun that essentially looks like a block of wood with some copper pipes and long bolts sticking out of it.  I called it White Death, to reference the Polish Sniper of WWII.  I gave it a scope though, because Video Games don't care about reflections.

It was at this point that i gave no fucks about what the story was.  I was on Walkabout, going to every length of the map to find whatever there was to look at.  I went south and went past the border of the map, going deep into the glowing sea to see what I could see see see.  I lost many Radaways due to the pure radioactivity there amongst the downs planes and nearly empty military bunkers.

Then once I thought I had reached the end, I moved all the way back up to Sanctuary and started my way East, exploring more and more.  My only rule was to never go onto the island where Diamond City is.  Don't cross that bridge, just keep going on walkabout until everything is found.

Throughout all this I've come across a cavalcade of Legendary Enemies, dropping gear all over the joint, only a handful of which I've been using in regular circulation.  But I've kept them either on myself or in my treasure trove in Sanctuary.

My first legendary weapon was a Pipe Wrench called Big Jim.  Now, everyone can get this leg crippling bastard.  He's not a game breaking weapon by any length, but he does his job the way he should.  By hitting whomever in the head and making their legs fall out from underneath.  Its very straight forward methodology, and very effective to boot.

But I put him to the wayside.  That wasn't my style. I wanted rifles, and to drop every bastard from here to Timbuktu from the pleasure of my couch.  So i was happy when I got my first Legendary drop: a Nocturnal Hunting Rifle.

It was cool, interesting, and along the lines of what I wanted, so I modded the shit out of it and started getting people a little jealous when at one point I showed I was doing double the usual damage when it came to the dead of night.  I was dropping every bastard who thought they were hard enough to sort out a puny fella like me.  Little did they know, they didn't even hear the gunshot before they hit the ground.

Mind, everyone else did.  So began the scramble for headshots and a new hiding hole.

I tried to give it a good name though.  Something badass and thematically appropriate.

Well, you are using it to kill under the guise of darkness.  Why not Grim's Reaper?

Oh yeah, i could sit behind that.  Grim's Reaper coming down and separating you from the mortal coil? Done like Dinner!

I had shared this on Facebook, because that;s a feature I thought I could utilise with all the cool kids playing alongside me.

Is that right?  Would i mean Parallel since they're not in the same game as me?  Or concurrently?

Anyway, someone made a comment about the ability saying it works as a night time solar panel.  It was so true, but something inside me clicked:  a solar panel does what? Lays down in the sun. And what happens when you lay down in the sun? I burn, with the intention of getting a tan. And if you were using the moon yo-u'd BE A MOON TANNER.

And because i do love the Moontanner from the last few times i saw Felafel, it wad the perfect name for my rifle.  Not near as badass as Grim's Reaper, but better i feel.

I got more and more Legendary weapons, usually replacing certain models I had already upgraded and used as alternative Ammo sources, and respectively gave them new names.

Like White Death.  It was a plain bolt action rifle, exceptional in its duty.  So when its replacement dealt additional damage to Super Mutants, it was easy: Green Death.

More weapons came and went.  Grymkin (revolver pipe rifle with additional damage against Robots); Kneecapper (auto pipe rifle with chance to cripple legs); Barking Iron (shotgun with critical: refill action points).  I'm still pretty proud of myself with some of these names.

But the time has come that I have reached my limit.  I've explored every nook and cranny of the wasteland of suburban Boston.  Now it's time to tackle the big city, and to kick ass.  Or die trying, since they may be overequipped compared to me.

In your face and off your arse

Jenny got a FitBit for her birthday and she has continued to be very diligent with it.  Im rather proud of her. At one point I decided to try and join her, even though I didn't have my own Fitbit.  I downloaded the app and began putting in my details.

On top of that I found a companion app called FitRPG, a very simple app that turns your exercise habits into an RPG game, converting your exercise into health points and equipment.  You could take on encounters, fighting bosses and stuff in a numbers game that you don't really get to see.

Its really basic though.  No interaction or interface, more like one of those strategy games that are a series of countdown timers.

Then I had a thought.  They're doing it around the wrong way for me.  Don't turn the exercise into a game, that just means you have to find motivation to exercise so you can continue with this simple game. Turn the game into an exercise.

Say you're playing a big game, like Fallout 3, or Skyrim.  You'll be spending a good few hours sloughing through levels and missions and such.  But generally, you wont be moving much.  But then you turn on a function, and now every half hour the game stops and wont continue playing until you, i dunno, do ten pushups or situps, or do twenty star jumps.  Or if you've walked for too long, like taken 1000 steps, you have to run in place for two minutes.

I've thought of doing this myself, without forced prompt but thinking I would do it between missions, but I'm incredibly lazy.  So forcing the subject would be much more effective.  I want to play the game, and if I cant play it unless I close this popup and do my ten situps.

My own personal Multi Game Pileup

OH THE HUMANITY

I've seen a backlog of games as long as my leg, thanks to Scotty.  He's a very dedicated purchaser of games that pique his interest.  Needless to say, he has a wide range of interests.

But I never thought I would have a backlog of games myself.  Sure, I have games that I have bought for the occasional time I'm feeling the mood, like Quake II or Endless Space.  And there are games I just own for the sake of owning, like Commander Keen.

But then there are games that I really want to play.  And given the discount, or enough incentive and motivation, I would snatch that up quick smart.  Like Fallout 3 that I picked up the other day for $5.  Or The Orange Box that I picked up for $5.  Or the numerous games that I have gotten for free over the last month.

It's starting to get a little out of hand, and I think I'm going to have to start a Schedule on what games I'm to play before it gets out of hand.

I know there are those who scoff at me, for my relative handful of games that I've left unplayed or unfinished.  Like I said, Scott has a pile as long as my leg.  Probably longer since I last saw him.  Lets hope I won't let it get that out of hand, and before I get more games.

Current List as it Stands

• The Orange Box (Half Life 2, Episode 1, Episode 2)
• Borderlands the Pre-Sequel
• Fallout 3
• Hitman
• Tales from the Borderlands
• Metro 2033
• Final Fantasy Tactics

List for Achievement Completion

• Borderlands 2
• Xcom Enemy Within

"Complete 10000 steps in 3 hours"

... Addiing this to Xmas List

Jenny got a Fitbit for her birthday, and she has been sporting the little pink wristband ever since. It's a cool device that tracks her activities throughout the day. Then she adds onto the app on her phone what stuff it can't track, like food and sleep. It's pretty impressive.

I don't have a fitbit. The closest think I have is Raptr, which tracks how much time I have in Video games. Which, in a way, can be a little embarrassing *Cough* Six-Hundred-Hours-On-Borderlands-2 *cough*

I started playing Fallout 3. I've tried a couple of times before to start it, and for one reason or another I just didn't get into it. Just couldn't, no reason why. Sometimes thinking that every little thing will change the entire future intimidates me into wanting to watch out for all the minuscule things that I do from start to finish.

But I've started again. Pushing through whatever consequences there are. I've already unintentionally killed off the Sheriff of Megaton, and I wonder if I could've stopped that sleazy guy wanting to blow up Megaton before he shot him. Now, for the most part, I'm exploring the world and learning how the game works.

For example, I knew there was a repair feature, but I didn't understand how it worked until one day I saw that I had two 10mm Pistols and could repair one using the other... but that was after I had sold a good 3 pistols to Moira. I really need to find somewhere to store shit.

It's pretty phenomenal how open the world is. I've played for a few hours and I've explored a portion of it, sneaking my way from landmark to landmark, dodging certain wildlife and Super Mutants with Miniguns (Mother Fuggin Bastards hiding in Bus Wrecks on the side of the road.)

Borderlands is open world. It's got area to it that's impressive. But you don't spend long periods of time looking for wildlife before you reach another landmark. You spend only moments before you have another fight on your hands. And I'm excluding driving in that example too. It's good because it's designed that way so that mission flow is fluid and not tedious to reach.

Then I thought about the 100-something-ish hours I've done in Skyrim.  Skyrim is a big game, the area it covers takes hours to cross from one side to the other (note: may not be multiple hours).  And I couldn't help but think about how much walking I've done in that.  Dungeons; towards new towns or landmarks; heck, even just wandering around town doing fetch quests.  Thousands upon thousands of steps.

If only I had a fitbit for my Video games.  And that it physically transferred to me.  That's every unhealthy nerds dream.