25 June 2009

Open! I said Open! Ah Bollocks

Alright, Transformers 2 Spoilers combined with rants ahead. You have been warned.

I enjoyed it. They didn't Fuck around with it, right at the beginning, they got the bots out to kick arse and ask questions later.
Every single fight was pretty much fantastic. The fight where Optimus died? Yeah, that is what a Leader should be able to do. That is what Optimus is to me. A leader for a good Fucking reason. Wise, combat competent and a very powerful voice. I was saying on the way home that if you had an army of soldiers with little bluetooth pieces in their ears, with Optimus Prime giving orders, everyone would follow them. If he said "Autobots, Roll out", he'd have a problem of all these people trying to transform into vehicles by wrapping their legs behind their heads while trying to turn their hands into wheels.
But I'll get onto the military in a moment, because I have a thing about it.

The human side I did enjoy. Sam... Well yeah. Still kinda wanna give him a boot up the arse. He's still the panic stricken little word vomiter that watchers are meant to know and love from the first movie. And, secretly, from many different roles that he has had before.
Megan Fox... Damn. Yes, she is much hotter than in the last movie. I adore a woman with curves. Yes, she's still too small to really call her Voluptuous, but speaking relatively, she's going in the right direction. Her character had a flaw. It was one flaw. It was a one track mind. "I'm in love with you and I want to hear you say it, but I'll say it first near the end because that's a cliche that can't be avoided". Didn't really enjoy that.
The parents are the same. I can't change that. I don't want to change that. I like em. "Oh, look. It's his baby booties... Oh Now I'm crying". Entertaining.
The roommate. Why the Fuck was he there? All he did was try to put stress on Sam! He was 130 pounds of absolutely Fucking useless. Comedic Relief? NO! Guh, I just wanted to give him a boot up the arse too!
Agent Simmons? I like him like the parents. He's funny, AND he actually had a role.

Lastly: The military. I really like Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson. I appreciated their apperances. However, I realised something in there.
Michael Bay has a Massive Fucking Boner for the US Military.
There was a montage. A Fucking Montage of military vehicles and soldiers taking off, beachfronting, airdropping and doing every sort of Fucking thing that his budget could do to plug these cool aspects of the US Military into the Fucking movie. It was beyond excessive! I realised what people meant by them saying "There's too much human in the movie" and it's all because of this Fucking Montage!

Back to the robots, before I forget, Scoot made a joke about "The Fallen".
"We know why the Primes lost against the Decepticons. It's because they were playing 3.5 D&D rules. See, the Decepticons were all Wizards, and the Primes were all fighters. And because of 3.5 rules, the fighters lost because Wizards can do anything. This movie? Done in 4.0 rules."
The Fallen was a pretty cool character. Aaron pointed out that his first appearance reminded him of the Lich King from Warcraft III. I thought of the Emperor from Star Wars. *Shrug*
And the Constructicons were a little disappointing. When they combined and became what-cha-ma-call-it, it made quite a poor appearance. "Rawr, I'm here. Rawr, I'm sucking Shit up and farting it out. Rawr, I'm throwing off the Twins so I can climb a pyramid. Rawr, I'm destroying the pyramid. Rawr, Don't forget to see my massive prosthetic testicles. Ra-OhIGotShotByARailgunWhereDidARailgunComeFromOhItWasFromTheUSMilitary..."

That's really all I have to say at the moment about it.

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