I want a Banana Pillow

A month has passed and everything has gone a little hectic. Relatives have expanded; Parties have been had; Contacts have been reestablished; Environments have changed; Friendships have become deeper; Social networks have been registered.
I'll start at the beginning, shall I?



A week after Gencon, the sweet stink of social gaming still invading my senses, I decided to have another shower and hope that it might clear up for my cousins Wedding!
Luckily it did. I walked out as spiffy as a spring's morning and as suave as an English Spy. It was going to be a good night. My sister Rocked up and we Rolled. The Wedding was beautifully set in a little church on Latrobe Terrace. During the Ceremony, the priest made everyone take a pledge. It was a very respectful pledge.

"I will solemnly promise to eat and drink merrily, and be sociable to everyone I see, and have as much fun as possibe, on this amazing and beautiful day."

I made the promise and I had to keep it, else I ruined my cousins wedding! My hand was forced.
The photos were rather funny, actually. The plan was to have the family stand outside the church and a group family photo for each side of the family. Slowly everyone filtered out of the church and the photographer kept preparing herself to take the photo, but was interrupted by being informed that there were more still coming.

"Is that everyone?" the Cameralady asked in shock.
"Yes, I think it is," Nicole answered proudly.
"Wow..." She was impressed at the 30-ish people standing in front of her.

Afterwards my end of the family, who amounted to about 8 people including myself, took a drive into the city for a few drinks to pass the time until the reception.
With not being able to hear properly, because I become very near deaf around loud noises like pub speakers, I tried my best to play jokes with my uncle and aunties while downing the Sweet Strongbows so I can remove any apprehensions for later.
Time for the Reception came and we walked the distance to the Roma Street Parklands, where people were already socializing and enjoying the open ambiance of the Melange Restaurant.
The downside? Dust Storm. It wasn't a bad storm, but it was bad enough to eliminate sight to about 100m in the dark when you peered out into the night past the glass doors of the now closed off Restaurant.
Drinks were sloshed and the music pumped, the Medways danced up the front and disowned me as I pulled out the Running Man and some other move that crosses legs over and over... I was classy, and looks Spiffy while I was at it.
Following through with the pledge at the Ceremony, I spoke with some of Nicoles adopted family, people that she has met and placed as what could only be described as Family. I have long since forgotten their names (I have a memory for names like water through a sieve) but they were lovely people and I understand why Nicole has them around.
Seeing Nicole briefly brought a revelation that I would never have contemplated.

"This... is my aunty wendy... Did you know... That she's like... Like your second aunty now?"

Favourite quote of the night.
The party wound down and I departed with my sister home, only to see her the next night at Trents place for a very relaxing, and satisfying, Medway Family dinner.
Good times all round.

The next week was uneventful. I think I played Killzone 2 all day Saturday. Sunday was the Ritual of seeing Mum. We made the trek to the movies and found there was nothing available for us to actually go see. Very disappointing. Wandering around, mother put a watch on layby because she finally found one that she could read without having to put on her glasses.
There wasn't more to it than that. We went back to Mums place and watched movies and downloaded things onto my PS3.

Week 3 peered around and it was nearly time for my roommate Mccarthy, who is also named Matt, to move to Toowoomba. I was sick, and had spent the better part of the week in bed with a Cold and serial dehydration. At least, that is my opinion of what happened.
So we went down to the Little Tokyo Restaurant to celebrate his leaving. A little over a dozen people arrived and ordered, only to have half of them leave after waiting 45 minutes for dinner. The dinner was different and very satisfying.
Afterwards, we toddled off into down to start drinking, crossing the valley to get to a bar that I've forgotten the name on the other side to see Chelsea and Badger.
Badger isn't his real name. It's Matt.

On a side note, there are enough Matthews in the world that someone could declare genocide.

Mccarthy burst into laughter upon seeing Chelsea. This woman came to the valley in a floral dress made from someone's curtains, high leg stockings that stopped at the bottom of the dress skirt, hair that seemed to explode like dull red sparklers, and to top it off: A Paper Mache Budgie sitting in a hat which apparently cost $150, preventing her from coming to dinner.
It was the funniest thing Mccarthy had ever seen.
I ended up leaving a little early due to feeling a little more sick and took the train home. Along the way, I was texting Dee and made a mistake. I was preparing a fresh text and put in the wrong name. Panicking, I pushed the wrong button and it sent off to Danika. I didn't bother to apologise since she wasn't talking to me at the time.
Lo and behold, we texted for a little bit before I nodded off to sleep for the mornings festivities of Monsterpocalypse.

The Tuesday Mccarthy left, The Dick and Mel moved into Mccarthys room faster than a man after a Hot Curry. I was surprised. So the wednesday after, i spent my time moving my stuff into The Dick and Mel's old room. Now I like to say "I can spread out both arms and not touch the walls".
It's nice to have a new room. For about 2 weeks it was sorted into nice stacks of books, DVD's, gadgets and a mountain of random clothing. The PS3 and TV were mounted at the end of my bed and the computer was left alone until the room was eventually reorganised the other night.
Now everything is set up and I await the power boards to the computer, ps2, ps3, tv, logitec speakers, phone charger and psp charger to both explode.
I'm quite proud at how organised my room is. The only mess are the dirty clothes strewn across the floor.

The next party occurred at my house. As mentioned, I had been talking alot to Dee and she wanted to come round for a piss up. I said sure and we set it for Saturday night. I told Mel that Dee was coming over and she became excited and invited a few more people over, who were ultimately Euro Kim and Alex. I call her Euro Kim because she gets called American too much for even my liking. She has an odd accent.
Halfway through the week, I recieve a message: "Hey hun i can't make it this saturday because of a family thing, sorry."
I was devastated. I hadn't seen Dee in yonks and a piss up with her was going to be awesome! But nooo, family is more important apparently.
The day rolled around and Mel kept the plans to have the party anyway with just the Dick, Euro Kim and Alex and I having a bbq and drinking.
About 3 in the arvo, I get another SMS. I'm a textaholic, by the way.

"Hey what are you doing tonight?"
"Well your piss up is still on"
"Right. I'm coming over."

The night was entertaining. It segregated itself a little bit, going between the girls and the boys. The Dick and Alex were playing Need for Speed: Shift on my PS3 that I threw into the lounge room so they could have a game or two; the girls stayed downstairs around the table and barbeque to rabble on about whatever floated their boats at the time.

Side note: I learnt that saying ages ago, and I was appalled that when I was playing WoW one day and said it, someone felt the necessity to point out that it was an analogy about getting pussy juiced up. I didn't appreciate that and still don't. "Sex Fucks Things Up."

The night rounded off drunkenly and rolled into the hungover morning. The Ritual with Mum was on again! The movie of choice: Mao's Last Dancer.
It's hard to choose a word appropriate for it, but "Moving" is a good choice in my opinion.
I cried at the end. I admit it. I have no shame. Watch it and you'll probably understand, unless you're a heartless bastard who hasn't been paying attention because it's a "chick flick".
Mother and I revelled in the humble contemplation that the film left us in.
Dropping by the jewellery store, mother went to pay and pick up her watch and dropped off the shears that she has been meaning to get sharpened. Whenever I get my hair cleared off, the word "ow" is becoming more and more repeated, so it was about time that after 10 or so years she had them sharpened.
Recently I'd been of the desire to attain a pocket watch. Something cool to fiddle with, because I have a habit to fiddle with things. The only thing better than a pocket watch would be a ring that I would like to wear. I found both of these things at Chermside. The pocket watch at the jewellers, a plain silver pocket watch with a clean case and simple face. The ring in the aisle store not far from Target. Several rings there were to my preference, actually.
However, size was a problem. I have what my mother likes to call "Piano Fingers", long and slender fingers. Out of all the rings that I was keen on, none were of size P or Q (I have forgotten the exact size that I preferred. The only way to get a ring of my preference from there was to have it sent through with custom sizing.
With the ring exempted as an immediate choice, we toddled back to the Jewellery store and had a look at the pocket watch again. A 2-for-1 deal was available. Mother chooses two items from the same brand, and the cheaper of the two is free. After about fifteen minutes of picking out watches and my legs aching with hangover exhaustion, mother came out with a new watch and a pocket watch for myself.
However, the visit was short lived. I was very exhausted and Mum knew I wanted to sleep. The couch which I usually have a Nap on is far from comfortable, so I opted to go home and pass out. She agreed and I thanked her very much for the gift before shambling into the house and passing out on my bed.

We're up to the last week, where still nothing exciting happened except for: Last night.
I met Dee about this time last year. Actually, it was about a year and 3 weeks ago. I even said happy anniversary the other week (Awww).
We started talking and then things happened and we all but forgot about each other for a while until I invited her over to a party months ago.
We cracked it off again and have been texting on and off since, with my very random updates on life such as "My train smells like Mint Sauce" (True story).
She turns up last night at about 6:30 to present Mels new hair to me. Amazing work, I say. Dee is a great hairdresser. She had to go quickly because another client was waiting at the shop for her, which was fair enough. I sent her a message teasing that I didn't recieve any love (A cuddle, in my terms) and didn't think much more on it later.
I get a call at 8:30:

"Oh harro"
"OH harro"
"OH harRO"
"Oh HARRO!"
"Haha. I was coming back to the shop to pick something up, and I remembered that you whinged about not being loved. So I thought I'd stop by."

I wasn't going to stop her. I like vistors. It's residents I can't stand.
Turns out she's in a very awkward situation. Three guys are hopelessly in love with her! AND she has a boyfriend that she is hopelessly in love with! And none of those three guys are me!
Boy 1: She met him last year and hooked up while she was single. They had a thing going for a while, but she broke it off when she went back to Alex, the beau. Boy1 had his own girlfriend, who he is apparently still obsessed with. The thing he wants from Dee is pretty much 'Free access to the party'.
Boy 2: She met him last year and made out with him. He fancied her at the time and brought it up to her, but she knocked him back. Since then, they have been really good friends. At the party last week, he tried to make a move, but Dee said "No, I'm with Alex and I'm not going to do that." Since then he has apparently been Mopey about it.
Boy 3: She met him through Boy2 and didn't find any attraction in him. They were good mates since. Saturday night, she made mention about hanging out with some of her girl friends and he took it the wrong way, sending her lewd text messages about "joining in on the fun". Repeatedly mentioning that it's becoming inappropriate isn't doing anything.
In the end, because of the piss up at my place, all this bullshit has put her in an awkward situation because they're all good mates to her but they're giving her all the wrong attention. The Attention she wants is from the Beau, and he doesn't seem to give a damn.

"Boys are stupid!" she declared as she curled up with my sad excuse for a pillow.
"Girls are stupid too!"
"No we're not!"
"Yes they are when they hang around with a stupid hope that some bastard will come back to her."
"... Oh yeah, I did that once..."

So that has been my five weeks of absence, in 2,446 words.

Earthworm Jim might be in Trouble

Mollok Berserker Spd 5 Def 2 Brawl 2*1 Rage Riled Berserk (Red) Jump

Groundbreaker Spd 6 Def 2 Brawl 2 Pathfinder (Red) Flank Burrow

These are two units mentioned in the latest Monsterinsider Blog. It seems that Monsterpocalypse NOW! is going for a All-in-brawl theme for the Uprising. Cool, I say. First thing is first: Use my Oil Refinery. These guys have pretty good Speed stats, so why not kick it up a notch and get them to run faster and reach my nefarious opponents quicker. Maybe even get some taskmasters in on the action. They may not be as maneuverable as the rest of the faction, but Motivator and a good Brawl stat with Fling aren't something to be shunned entirely.

So lets have a look at the Mollok Berserker. First thing that comes to mind is "Power Producer". He gets hit, you gain a Power Die. He hits, you gain two Power Die. He's also a great support for Mollok Squads with his Red Berserk ability. His Brawl stat gives him a good chance of hitting Def 3. Another Berserker in a combined attack increases chances to hitting Def 5 fairly soundly. And the same time, you gain a Power Dice.
The downside? A poor Defence stat. So the Berserker won't be inclined to secure buildings in the middle of the field unless they stand for sacrificial reasons. If a group of Berserkers were lined across the middle of blockwars, it's a win-win situation. If they stay, you're securing buildings and have brawlers available for an assault where you gain Power Dice. If they are destroyed you gain Power Dice for each of them.

So that's a simple run down of the Mollok Berserker. Lets move on to the Groundbreaker.
This Massive Mole has nothing to do with short denim skirts, dodgy pink boob tubes, and a voice that can rot plants with the amount of cussing that appears in each sentence, or even for the darkening lump that turns up on the end of witches noses, but actually has more to do with the adorable little animals that dig underground with their massive and sharp claws to chow down on invertibrates, like worms.
At least, that's what the figure looks like. The fellow shows some rather average stats. A good speed with Burrow gives him the manueverability that Mole People should have, although it doesn't entirely make sense to poke his nose out of the water and say he's fine when he's obviously not wearing any Floaties.
That's unsafe, you know.
But with his maneuverability comes an Action:

Pathfinder—Roll the A-Die used to pay for this action. If you roll 1 or more strikes, crush 1 enemy unit within 2 spaces of this figure. Do not gain a P-Die for crushing it. If you crush a unit with this ability, advance this figure up to 2 spaces even if it has advanced this turn.

The Smarmy bugger dives under the poor sod and sinks him before popping up somewhere else! It's an entertaining thought.
But here's a twist: It is Red. It can be applied to your Fiendish Monster. So a monster steps over at the aggrivating little Carnidon (it's always a Carnidon) and crushes him underfoot before moving on.
Granted, crushing a Carnidon doesn't serve much aside from making a mess on the underside your feet, but it's the notion that the monster is crushing something that is important.
Returning back to the subject at hand, this gives the Groundbreaker more maneuverabilty for when he makes his brawl attack, an attack that isn't particularly exceptional. When paired up, they can take advantage of Flank on their individual attacks, but still lack a little bit of UMPH when fielded with a Berserker and a Groundbreaker Elite (if there is one, I haven't seen any mention yet and I won't be sure until tonight).
So in conclusion, the Groundbreaker is a maneuverable support unit, giving a lowered Defence for all Brawlers. But I'm thinking I prefer a Cthulubite...

Ménage à huit

Robin: Holy positional multitude, Batman! Eight people on a gigantic plastic mat?
Batman: Sounds like a recipe for Innuendo, if you ask me!
Robin: Sounds like a good time to me!

The Gencon Indy Monster Mash presented an 8 player field. The photos of it look awesome!
I counted about 34 spaces wide, but I lost count of the length at about 40 spaces.
The field was littered with what wouldn't surprise me to be over 150 buildings over 200 buildings.
Overall the design of the map was made to impersonate New York, the city of the Statue of Liberty, which naturally had that structure placed in the very centre of the field in the midst of a river.

---

But enough of things that are far from my own availability
This weekend coming is the weekend of "ALL YOU CAN EAT!".
I'm quite excited in case you couldn't tell.
Everyone will be running around throughout the day with their forces, trading forces and monsters here and there, and possibly bringing in some fresh faces.
It'll be very good.

---

Last night, Scotty and I met a new player. His name is Kevin. He's a nice fellow and keen to play, asking lots of questions about the game and the locals and what monsters are being used. I was honest and told him that our gaming group is fairly even with hardly any 'power-gamers', which is true. We all play what we like, or whatever has come out at the time in my case, and we're very lenient on everyone's style of play.
We had a game and he pulled out his Martians, with Phobos-7 leading the fray, and I pulled out Mogroth (I wanted to go really easy on the fellow) to give him a explanation of the rules and how the game goes. The poor fellow was having some bad dice rolls, however. Three of four turns, he was unable to get a successful Power-up roll,

On the same night, I found out that Monpoc NOW! will be coming out this Friday (9th) and our local store has the Mega King Kondo's available! The deal is that you buy a case of each and you get a Mega King Kondo!
Huzzah!
So soon there will be unit and monster reviews-slash-mockups here for the Subterran Uprising.
In related news, we figured out what the Morpher is for the "Empire of the Apes" in series 6.

Four Monkeys, brought together by a strong truce with the empire, they bring fear and disruption to the world.

They are... a Barrel of Monkeys.

Say Mollok 5 times fast...

	Mollok Brute
SPD 5 DEF 4 Brawl 1*1		Jump
	Cost: 1; Energy: Biotech

The Mollok Brute.
Strong.
Tough.
He has a sawblade for a nose, so how he doesn't run into things we may never know.

He has a good stat line. He's as fast and manueverable as a Snatcher, with a better brawl stat, but no "Manufacture". So while he's not as cool, he will get the job done when it comes to combined brawls and unit murdering. And he will stay around for just as long with his Defence of 4. Securing buildings comes as a good start as the opponent will either put in a half decent effort to disrupt your power base, or simply spend your time doing something better.
I know what this is like. I face GUARD regularly and all he fields is tanks.

So many Tanks.

So that is the Mollok Brute Grunt, the first previewed unit of the Subterran Uprising on "I Hate Mogroth". But there's more! The Mollok Brute Elite!
As per usual, the Elite stands a little higher with an additional boost die to his attacks, but also an additional ability.

Champion—This unit gains +1 brawl and blast B-Dice for each adjacent grunt unit with the same name as this unit.

Two Grunts and an Elite leap arm in arm around the map and then combine their attacks to make a brawl attack of 3 Action Die, and 8 Boost Die.
Best part? They benefit from Cthulubite's Weaken.

So a good solid unit to throw out into the world to tear up some enemies. This is the start of a good relationship.

Teenage Mutant Tentacle Monster

Ulgoth, the Pustulent Terror, reigns high in danger when it comes to taking out opponents. With his Acne ridden angst being flung around town like confetti at a parade, other monsters have a difficult time understanding him and dealing with the problems he causes.

His stat line is a bit average. A Speed of Five allows him to plod along like a sunday driver, and he accentuates his desire to be the target of abuse by having a matching Defence. But he takes the abuse on the chin, standing strong with a health of Six, and refusing to be tossed aside like a used up tissue with his special ability, "Massive".
Massive is an enormous ability to deny. With the difficulty in generating a Smash Power Attack, Throw comes in as the next best thing. With having this denied to his opponents, he won't be landing very far away from his opponent.
In which case, his opponent either leaves to make a blast attack, or conducts a brawl or other power attack, such as Body Slam or Headbutt.
The latter three are bad choices, as with being a tender child he is quite "Volatile" and his Acne will be more of a danger to you than a dangerous Fungus.

Volatile: If this figure is hit, adjacent units are crushed and adjacent buildings and monsters take 1 damage. If this figure is a unit, crush it.

Monsters that show proficiency in Brawl or Power Attacks will have a difficult time against him as they are being forced into using their Blast Attack or, if no Blast is present, their Units.
This comes down to Blasting units. Insofar, Blast units have the greatest benefits. Bank HQ, easy access to Defence Lowering effects (Spotter, Weaken, Sniper, Armour Piercing). Which leaves one ability near useless on Ulgoth: Mire.

Mire: Enemy units count spaces within 2 spaces of this figure twice when advancing into them.

The area around Ulgoth is Rough Terrain, for an easy way to explain it. No, Mire and Rough Terrain do not Stack. However, Mire does apply to Maneuverable units. I.e. Flight, Jump, Hover, Burrow. There is a use to Mire, other than slowing Brawl units into coming next to him, however I will get around to that on Ultra Ulgoth, the figure that ran through my washing machine and came out cleaner for it.
In my experience, Mire has come to play a few times by denying movement of a unit to their Elite counterpart, or preventing a Rocket Chopper from getting close enough for Spotter to come into account, but that has been about all.

Screening is a Legitimate Strategy. Preventing that potentially dangerous smash by placing a unit in front of you. With Blast units aplenty in an opposing force, Ulgoth offers some support in the form of Red "Force Field".

Force Field: This unit gains +1 Def against Blast attacks.

The Highest Defence unit so far is 4, currently on the Cthulubite and the Taskmaster. The Taskmaster can reach a Defence of 6 if you account Cover.
Ulgoth is a Defence of 5. He is not going to get a higher Defence stat. It can only go down.
So surrounding units with Ulgoth is a bad idea, as it makes Ulgoth a more "Profitable" target, gaining Power Die from Volatile. So as a note, if screening is your plan then make sure you have your unit at least one space away unless it is really really necessary.

With his reactions and defences explained, it leaves the question of his Offensive capability.

It's nothing special.
His Blast stat reminds me of a nerds ability to shatter windows with the popping of pimples. With a bit of aiming, he can take out birds if he wanted. He has long range, and a blast of 6*0 so if need be he could take something out as a last resort by throwing Power Die into the attack.
But he is more into his Brawl and Power attacks. With Matching stats of 6*2, he fares reasonably well in the field and can hit the broad side of the barn. With the turn of the series, he brought out what was, for the time, a signature ability:

Radial Attack: if target figure is hi, other monsters and units adjacent to this attacking figure with a DEF equal or less than the number of strikes rolled take 1 damage.

By throwing a tanty in the middle of a city, he can annihilate groups of units on his own terms. But be warned that your own units are in just as much danger and you won't gain a profit out of it (Players do not gain Power Dice for destroying their own units).
Against multiple monsters, and even morphers, Ulgoth stands as a dangerous threat. Especially when you see the tears welling up in his eyes and his tentacles all a quiver.

With every Dr Jeckle, there is a Mr Hyde. And Ultra Ulgoth is a terrifying alternative to his whingy little pimple popping prom kid. This sadistic fellow sports his signature abilities, Radial Attack, Massive and Volitile, and improves upon the rest.
To start, Mire becomes a global ability. With your units suddenly creating a forboding aura around them, you can disrupt your opponents unit turns much more easily by throwing your speedy units (Cthulubites and Squix) into your opponents deployment zones and prevent them from moving into better positions closer to your monster, or to Power/Negative zones.

But where he truely becomes a danger to the field is with Annihilate.

Annihilate: This monster's attacks do super damage.

There are currently 3 monsters that ignore Super Damage. Mega Mothership Ares, Laser Knight and Mega Laser Knight. So everyone else is in a little bit of strife.
With all of his attacks boosted to 8*3 for his Power and Brawl attacks, and 8*0 for his Blast, he will wade in on your opponent and flail about like the infamous Kraken against any poor sod sailing through the Bermuda Triangle, sinking them to the bottom of the ocean for everyone to remember months later saying "Whatever happened to that lot?"
Along with his attacks, his other stats improved. A Speed of 6 helps him hunt down his prey, and a matching Defence to parry the returning attacks since his health has degenerated to a humble 5.

With these vulnerabilities and advantages given to him, the Lords looked down on him and pondered to themselves "Let us make his Hyper Appropriate to him."
So they gave him a Hypercost of 3.

3 Power Die is cheap. Dirt cheap. Anyone who uses this Hypercost is dirty because of all the dirt that is associated with the Hypercost of 3 (Except mine, mine has been through the washing machine).
But that is how he is played. In the first turns of charging across the field towards the opponent, Ulgoth will jump into his Hyper mode to deal his attacks and quickly dash down into his Alpha to take on the blows. With a high health in the alpha form, a player can repeat this for 2-3 turns with little repercussion. Losing health while performing your own attack is not exactly an ideal way to spend your own turn, especially since most monsters don't have enough health to survive it in the long term.
But an Ulgoth player must note that throwing or smashing your opponent is not a good idea unless it is a guaranteed form destroyed. As mentioned, Massive is an enormous denial ability. The order of operations make Volatile trigger after the Power Attack is done, so if Ulgoth is smashed, whatever is surrounding Ulgoth at the end of the move is destroyed and your opponent suffers nothing from it. They may even gain from it, as buildings and units destroyed from Volatile give them Power Die.
So having to force them into Body Slams and Headbutts is the best way to put them under your control. Ram I find in my experience is a Power Attack rarely used, but still leaves your opponent on the point of dealing less damage to you.

So what are Ulgoths bad matchups?
Monsters with "Hit and Run", "Toss" and "Beatback". Because they are all Triggers, they are made before the Volatile reaction. Control over the other is still under debate when facing these monsters but if played as above, any danger of Power Attack Throws are still denied and damage output is still a serious consideration.
Hit and Run mostly comes under the Shadow Sun Syndicate monsters and all have a very average health of 10 (Alpha 5/Hyper 5).
Beatback is all over the joint and is messing things up like the teenage angst of Ulgoth. Funny enough, Mega Ulgoth has Beatback. I'll speak on him another time.
Any experience against a Beatback monster should be applied as it was before, carefully planning where you end and hoping retaliation will come with a lack of umph.
I have heard word that some beatback monsters will use it to throw enemy monsters into the Beatback monster themselves. This is far from a good idea with Ulgoth. Not only will they suffer collision damage, but Volatile will kick in as well dealing another point of damage.
Committing suicide has never been easier.
Toss is as much a danger as a Brawling Beatback monster, although with less suicide. There is further distance and you can't toss a monster into yourself, so be warned that Legionnaire may occasionally toss Ulgoth onto the other side of a building so that Ulgoth is forced to Brawl the said building, or simply rampage through it.

With little more to promote Ulgoth as a Monster of Monsters, I take my leave for you to ponder how to execute your opponents by not using Zit cream when the time comes.

Hellfont, the Devils text...

With monsterpocalypse NOW! coming out within a few weeks time (About 2.5 weeks i think), Privateer Press have given everyone a downloadable copy of the NOW! Rulebook.
There are some pretty interesting things coming, such as abilities that benefit not only you, but your opponent too.
Which is strange.

An ability that I particularly favour is "Roller - If a monster hits this building with a brawl attack, move the building a number of spaces equal to the number of strikes rolled on the A-Dice for that attack and then destroy it. This movement must be in a straight line in a direction chosen by the attacker. Crush or destroy any units or buildings the building moves through. If the building comes in contact with a figure it cannot destroy, the building stops and the figure takes 1 damage. Leave this building’s hazard or rubble tile on the foundation where it was originally placed."
C'mon. Indestructable + Roller = Good times for all. Not going to happen, but still cool. "Monpoc Soccer" if you will. 2V2 monster games would be awesome.

Along with abilities coming in, there are some new Hazards coming.

Chemical Spill—If this building is hit or destroyed, replace it with a chemical hazard. Figures moving onto that hazard take 1 damage. Mechanical monsters at full health do not suffer this damage.

Hellfont—If this building is hit or destroyed replace it with a hellfont hazard. Once each unit activation, the active player can use 1 unoccupied space of that hazard to spawn an Occult unit.

Awesome.
Chemical Spill is odd for requiring a Mechanical monster at full health. Gives a monster a starting point for where it doesn't want to get power attacked. But otherwise, it's another hazard to use.

I could be wrong, but I believe that if a mechanical monster is thrown on top of a building that causes a Chemical Spill, the monster won't suffer the effects of the Chemical Spill from that attack.

But now we can look at the other hazard: Hellfont. Lords of Cthul, and any other faction with Occult figures, have additional spawn points in the form of hazards.
Yes, you the opponent can get rid of it with a Stomp, or with Extinguish. But another ability comes into play for that.

Ignite—Flip an adjacent rubble tile to its hazard side. Figures occupying the same space(s) as that hazard suffer its effects as if they had collided with it.

It's true. But you can't turn just any rubble into any hazard. No, you have to remember where you placed buildings. Buildings that leave hazards can changed.

So adding in more Spawn points will be cool. Because it specifies Occult, this limits it quite a bit, however I believe (and this is only a belief) that not only will Lords of Cthul be able to take avantage of this hazard but so will the Elemental Champions.
So if there are any Elemental Champions fans out there, keep an eye out!

"And in Second Place, because I like calling him by what's on the card..."

"... The Medway!"
"What??"



I rewind to day 2.
After a wonderful night of laughs at the Pancake house and a stomach full of pork, cider and dairy, I retired.
The morning arose at 9:30. I figured I was late already, so I dressed and zipped across to the Convention Centre.
I arrived to find that my opponent was absent. He had forgotten his cards and was running back to get them from his room.
As I relaxed and awaited for my opponent to return, a random person in a long jacket began running up to me and poked her head into the corner of my eye.
Sam! A rare sight to see. I promised her a birthday present: A Print of Eiryss. To which I forgot to bring it that day, but I asked Richard to bring it tomorrow since she will there for the Steamroller 500.
Soon my opponent returned and we gamed.
The day was long and punctuated with pervs on an absolutely GORGEOUS brunette girl in a Team Fortress 2 costume (with Papier-mâché Chaingun), and over 5 matches, I stepped out with 1 win against Disco.

The situation had was Bartolo standing rather openly for my Drakhun to charge and annihilate Bartolo. To which I did after casting Battle Lust on the Drakhun.
I rolled a 4 for Flying Steel (2 Attacks) and wiped out his health in one attack. He made his tough roll and came up with a 4.
"KILL!" I roared in excitement.
"Uh, dude? Doc is within range. He has 4+ tough rolls."
"What."
13 minutes, 40-something seconds. I would have walked away with the Mage Hunter medal. Ed and one of the other organisers (I've completely forgotten his name, but I know I annihilated his Behemoth) were surrounding my desk and watching the game.
"SECOND ATTACK!"
I rolled against him. I hit. I dealt the 1 point of damage I needed to kill him.
He made his Tough Roll.
6.
"DAMNIT! FUCKIN PIRATES!"
Slipped through the slits of my fingers, the mage hunter medal was taken from my grasp. We played on and I ended up shooting him in the face next turn and forcing him to fail his tough roll, but it was a good game otherwise.
Fuckin Pirates.

Night came around and I went to the apartment a little early. I needed a snooze. A long day of mental exhaustion really kicks the crap out of you.
Eventually I got back out and went to the Convenience Store and got myself some lemonade. I planned to drink. And I planned to drink well.
I got to the store and my phone rang
"Medway! Where are you?"
"Just left the apartment."
"Okay, sherrie and them are going back to the apartment now."
"Cool. I'll be back in a few minutes."
I arrived back with everyone looking at me in shock, Sherrie with a suspiciously big grin on her face.
"What."
"Oh nothing."
"Good. I'm drinking."
The night was spent joking around, Chris and Andy playing Yugioh and testing their decks and the rest of us watching Kung Fu Hustle.
Afterwards, we watched a tv show of a series of short films. Between each short film was an episode of "Errorism: A comedy of terrors". Simple cartoons of a sillouette man, with only his eyes and mouth visible, wearing a bandolier, and planning to take over the world with bombs or acid. But they always go wrong and he dies.
One of the notable short films was "Even Pigeons go to Heaven". It was amazing, as chris would put it.
And then we went to bed.

Last day.
I awoke early as we had to vacate early and apologised to Ed for arriving as such.
The day started off pretty well. Nothing overly distracting, except for a blonde girl in a Red outfit (think flight attendant in red and really short shorts).
First game was against Circle Orboros, Kruegar, on the Moshpit Scenario. He was annihilating my army and I ended up with my warcaster, Irusk, walking out of combat with a Wolfrider, standing in a Gobber Cloud (-2 to his attack) shooting at Kruegar twice. And he was shot twice in the face. dead. First win of the day.
Second game was against Deneghra, on territories (Vertical Running Territories and claim points for holding a territory with no enemies in it, first person to 5 points. I knew it was over when he cast Crippling Grasp on the Greatbears. They were running through a forest, so with practically no movement they didn't help.
Eventually he got through and killed Irusk with Bane Knights.
Third game was against Haley, a specially built list from a friend of his (Who is quite a good player). I won out of scenario, but it was a little disheartening playing him. He knew he sucked, and he would repeat it over and over again.
"I know I suck."
I ignored it throughout the game, and was a little glad that the game ended.
Fourth game was against Aaron, my old friend. Throughout the day, he repeated a line that I threw out on Friday because he said it was insightful and even inspiring.

"I've lost nothing but a game of Warmachine."

I still don't understand the hype, but it has made him happy.
The game went very well for myself. He made his way to one side to accept a charge, but didn't expect me to absolutely annihilate four of his five Trollblood Champions with Greatbears and a Demo Corps member.
His retaliation came slowly and unsuccessfully. All my Great Bears? Passed their Tough rolls and remained standing on 1 health.
To which they turned around and made Grim Angus Stew.
Aaron ended up having killed 1 Demo Corp model. Everyone else? Survived on Tough Rolls.

With the three games won out of four, I wasn't expecting to be very high on the rankings. But much to my surprise, and to quote...

"And in Second Place, because I like calling him by what's on the card... The Medway!"
"What??"