Minecraft for my Mega Drive

Free games are great, aren't they? Its a good thing Xbox have their Games for Gold members, which increases my stockpile of unplayed games fortnightly.

So come the month of April, I'm prepped to download a pair of games that I probably won't get around to for months. One of them I look at and all I are is this poor sod about to get smushed by a giant eyeball that must have fallen off of the rotten corpse of a giant, and a big title saying TERRARIA wrapped in moss and other assorted flora.

alright, I should give it a few minutes at the very least.

I load up the new game and generate my character, making him the closest to a sonic the hedgehog cosplayer as possible, and I was dropped onto Grass Hill Zone, with the world choice of "Small".

Oh yeah, this looks good. Nice colours, and a fella walking around with some boring name. Let's just call him "Knobstar."

I have a chat with him and its pretty suggestive, telling me that building him a house would be oh so very nice. Well that's great, but you've got two arms, two legs, and a digital heartbeat. Do it your friggin self. But apparently Pixelplegia is a natural state for all the NPCs in todays world.

So with a mumbke and a grumble, I said fuck you and built myself a box from the trees I cut down. I listened to Knobstar as he subtly barked orders at me, a "You should build this and that" with undertones of superiority.

Justified it was, when the final thunk of a torch was placed, the fucker moved right on in, putting his portrait in the corner and making himself very comfy as the night rolled in.

My characters protests were silent as I found myself suddenly surrounded by the undead growling at my Door, a metronome of taps from each zombie; children with open skulls, hookers in fishnets, fishermen in raincoats. All knocking at my door as I glared at Knob star in his deadpan, pixelated bastard eyes.

The days went past. I dug down, exploring and finding treasures and beast alike.  I reached the bottom and panicked more and more as demons and fire imps and worms began swarming me while I raided the obsidian towers standing amongst the lava until I eventually died from heat exhaustion...  also known as melting in lava after being pushed into it.

After resurrecting at the surface, I found the map, showing where I have and haven't explored.  What were merely moments going from one side to the other meant so many more minutes traversing that same region.  After a little bit of thought, I worked out that through all the hours of time that I had spent exploring and killing and dying and everything... It was less than 10% of the actual map.

That's when I reeled back in horror.  It had literally been a couple of days since I started the fuggin game, and I had dug and searched and built and died and though I knew there was more... I didn't think that taking five, maybe ten, minutes just to walk to one side of what's called a "small" map.

But... I trundled on until I thought to myself... I should build a Castle.  Somewhere all my NPC's would be happy to live in.  I laid out the plan and dug into the mountain nearby and laid out the stone, the walls and some platforms so I could go up and down.

Then a message popped up.

"An Evil Presence is watching you..."

Well that's unnerving.  But I plodded on, thinking all would be fine.  I finished the lining the walls of my castle, and was ready to start annexing all the rooms when another message appeared.

"The eye of Cthulhu has Awoken!"

And that's when the aforementioned giant Eyeball from the cover came crashing down on my parade (Thankfully not destroying any of my walls). The panic was real. A giant flailing pixelated eyeball was throwing itself at me, or sitting by while it shot minions at me. It took a little bit before I figured out how to dodge his charges and attack when he's not. It all worked well.

Until his retina fell off.  It dropped off and suddenly rather than staring into the blue rimmed soul of Cthulhu, I was staring into the many fanged maw of Cthulhu.  Then the fight started again, jumping and running and striking until it reached the motions and the whites of his eyes plopped down in defeat.

That's the life and times of someone playing Terraria.  And yet there is still more for me to do.  So much more...

Now to figure out how to kill Knobstar...