D&D Endurance

A heads up, this is actually a very long post. So unless you have time underneath your belt, you may want to return to this later.

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Tonights game of Dungeons and Dragons (4.0) was several levels of FUCKING EPIC.

Our D&D Group consists of 3 characters at the level 15 region.

Azure, the Blue Dragonborn Fighter, runs around with two swords and tanks quite well. On top of that, he has a rather impressive D&D Figure. Too bad his roleplay isn't as impressive.

Saphira (I probably spelt that wrong), the horny crazy girl with wonky boobs with psychotic powers. By horny, I mean that she has horns. She's a tiefling after all. And psychotic... well she's a Psion. She's a little bit home brew as well, but mostly plays a disruptive role by denial and such.

Skarburn-slash-Gretchalina, the Jamaicanesque Ex-Male-Orc, Ex-"What IS their gender"-Elf, Now-Female-Goblin, Bisexual Barbarian with Uncertain Accent Syndrome. There's storey behind all of that, and it comes down to experimental reincarnation can kick back some karma. To his luck though, he has a very heightened sense of smell that he keeps all the way through.

Skarburn and Azure were separated from Saphira after trying to locate some information on an invading force of strange ogres who last attacked several years ago and have begun again. So far, the only information we gathered was a rumour of similar ogres appearing in a town north of the city we were in.

At the point where everyone was meant to gather, the usual "Meet back here in an hour" situation, we find Saphira is missing, in which case Skarburn begins to worry, since Azure can't tell the difference between a Bargaining Gigolo and his Elbow and trying to figure out the difference occupies his mental capacity.

So going for a search for the poor girl who could be anywhere from just a little bit lost and stuck in the labyrinth of the slums, to slaughtering hapless hostile people and simply drenching herself in their blood, to being arrested and she's playing along to see where it leads.

Skarburns amazing sense of smell leads her to a small crowd outside a slightly dilapidated church which is well guarded.

Seems suspicious enough, and the scent of Saphira was a sure sign that she was around at some stage. But to get in? That was a tricky part.

The church had a second storey. After a little bit of searching and climbing, she leapt from a nearby building unseen onto the second storey. Looking about, a window was broken open and two 'craters' were punched into the floor of the second storey. Odd, but I move on.

She climbs into the window and finds herself in a small study room, and suddenly pause at the sound of a conversation behind the door.

"You move ahead and ready the cage. We'll organise a craftsman to board up the broken window and repair the roofing."

Peeking out the door, trying to be sneaky, Skarburn looks and finds an elderly priest walking towards the room she stood in. Quickly reacting, she hide behind the door--

This is where we got a little silly.
Me: "I hide behind the door... Not behind the actual door."
Aaron: "Yeah yeah, I got you. I can see it now, you stand behind the door and hold it shut. The old man will be trying to push it open and can't budge it because you're this small mass of muscle that works as the immovable doorstop that doesn't notice anyone trying to open it."

For those who may understand, I have a Strength of 22. For a Goblin, you'd think that sort of strength would make it look like a Midget Michelin man packed with muscle.

The old man enters and surveys the room. Skarburn takes this as a moment to keep being sneaky and duck out the door. Being a Barbarian, she's not exactly sneaky. Even so, the old man noticed that someone left and called out to them to stop, but there was nobody blocking the way to the exit of the back door and she legged it.

Probably about an hour later, and a poor dice roll on behalf of Myself and Richard (Both rolled Fours on a d20), Skarburn and Azure were wandering around town searching for clues by calling out Saphira's name and hoping someone would come up to us and say "I saw her get carted off to the place and I suspect it's for the thing so that someone can get the stuff!"

Or something indistinct like that. Aaron usually gets pretty... expansive with the way he tells you where the milk is.

They were of luck! A large authoritative man with two standard grunts came up to them and inquired whether their identities were of Skarburn and Azure. With a vague confirmation, he demanded that Skarburn and Azure join him regarding the missing party member, Saphira.

Skarburn and Azure are not of the sort to be demanded of, so they played the bastard. "I might know who you're talking about. Why would I want to know? What makes you think I'll play sheep and come along?" The authority raises his hand, preparing to click his fingers. The two guards weren't really a worry to Azure and Skarburn, one knowing that they could handle the three of them easily, the other still trying to figure out their location. But to add a little spite, Skarburn lean forward and say to him "I hope you're not going to ruin your manicure doing that."

With a click of his fingers, a gust of wind flows past us and two large thuds come from 'about 10 feet behind' (Aaron's words). Large, heavily armoured figures had dropped from three metres to the ground and left indentations in the ground, and both were prepared to start a fight.

Eventually, to get things moving on, Azure said he'll join them. The pair were lead out of the city, through one of the city gates (I'm still not sure which way we are on a compass) and to a small clearing at the bend of a road where farmland had been abandoned and had long since overgrown.

There stood Saphira (High Five for unsuccessful search checks!) standing with another odd fellow (that we eventually called "Wayne Kerr Anderson" as his actual name). He was there to convince the party into a deal. They do a job for him and he won't charge them with false allegations. He knew of some of their history, but he was threatening to put everyone up on charges for things like starting a sandstorm (Which none of us can do) and consorting with an old NPC character that Skarburn has actually had dealings with, and Saphira has had a minor interaction with. Azure has never heard of the character before, but he didn't say anything as he was wondering where his hand went as he reached for the sky. His is blue after all, so I can't blame him entirely.

Naturally, with these false allegations, everyone were very uncooperative. But then he tried a very current threat.

"With but a motion with my eyes, I can summon forces that will convince you."
"Oh really? How do you do it? Do you wiggle your eyebrows? I'm going to call you eyebrows now."

So he started a countdown where he was mocked between mississippis. "How will he do it? Wiggle his eyebrows? Ooo! He blinks funny, that'll be it. Real sneaky like. At least he's not ruining his manicure."

And then we rolled for Initiative. The Encounter began as follows.

4 Blockers: The big bastards that air dropped in the middle of the city.
4 Interceptors: Dodgy bastards that appeared from nowhere along with -
4 Psions: Telepathetic bastards that deny a heap of shit to you, such as attack bonuses and your standard pairing of actions.

So there the party were, innocently being accused of a heap of shit that had nothing to do with them, and suddenly Mr Eyebrows sets a third of his contingent on us. Fair enough, there was no cooperation, but that might be a little extreme, don't you think? Meh, screw the rules. I play Dungeons and Dragons.

So the party, Skarburn, Azure and Saphira are in a semi-circle around Mr Eyebrows. Two interceptors and a Blocker appear a few spaces behind Skarburn, Psions a half dozen spaces behind them. Behind Azure were two more Psions about 10 spaces away and two more blockers. Behind Eyebrows are two more interceptors. Behind Saphira is the last blocker and Psion.
Hiding in the overgrown field is the last interceptor.

It starts off alright. Skarburn turns to attack the interceptors and perform her Daily "Blood hunt Rage", along with activate the Troll Skin Armour which grants health regeneration every turn equal to her Constitution Modifier. Azure turns to his blockers and begins marking them as he goes. Saphira realises "holy crap I might die" here and goes into her usual position of "Hide and Pick them off!" headed for the overgrown field.

Skarburn stood where she was for the next 5 turns using the Paragon Encounter Power: Persistent Frenzy, which allows her to attack all enemies adjacent, and w hile raging, roll a d20 at the end of the turn and if the roll is 10 or higher she doesn't lose the Encounter Power. The Psions kept slowing her down, dropping my attack bonus, and generally preventing me from actually getting anywhere. But Persistent Frenzy remained. By the fifth turn, and about two or three criticals, skarburn finally got out of that combat.

When I critical, I start off at 32 (Base 20 +2 for Raging +10 for d10 weapon damage) and then add another 2d10 and 3d6. This usually results in a fairly substantial damage output. I believe our record so far is 78 or 79 damage in a single swing during a Rage Power that added more dice into the attack.

On top of that if I was using a Barbarian Power, which I usually am, I get to make an additional attack. A little excessive, but it got me out of combat.

So my next turn, Skarburn turned around to the Psions and said "I have a headache now. If you don't have any Panadol, you're in a world of hurt." Needless to say, they didn't have any Panadol.

This is where Eyebrows returned in a poof of smoke, flourishing his brow with a gleam. He was losing rather substantial people and thought he should join the fray so that his contingent doesn't fall further than it should.

Just quickly, I'd like to clarify something. All of the other dudes are standard enemies. The Blockers, Interceptors and Psions have 110, 100 and 80 health respectively. Mr Eyebrows is an 'Elite' with 250 health and decent stats and abilities that allow him to survive longer than his cousins. With the Psions floating about, it kept him from being hit more often. To counter, with my regenerating health it made me that little bit more difficult to kill.

But the Psions barrage was slowly becoming more and more painful. Skarburn had already used the healing surge from the second wind, bringing back 32 of the 119 health, and Azure used his cloak allowing her to use another healing surge. With most healing options now lost, safety precaution was taken.

With a Roar, she caved down on another enemy with her Stone Bear Rage. Stone Bear Rage gives the user Resistance 5, preventing 5 damage from each attack. Stacked with the 5 health regenerated every turn, survivability becomes quite phenomenal and ignoring Skarburn for a turn or two can be greatly regretted.

For the rest of the encounter, Azure fended off Blockers and Interceptors, Saphira led off the poor bastards into death traps, and Skarburn stood toe to toe with Mr Eyebrows. Azure was suffering substantial damage, and he didn't have any further health regenerating abilities and the tower that was the Blue Dragon finally fell. With a glorious burst of blinding breath, he fell to the ground, with a kill count of about 5 or 6.

So it was girl time, Skarburn and Saphira, left to take on the rest of this squad. Unfortunately, Skarburn was the poor sap who made such a terrifying scene that all three of the remaining Psions, the two interceptors and Mr Eyebrows turned their attention on her. You wouldn't think that I'd be able to survive.

Saphira gained the attention of two of the interceptors from her, which was very helpful. She was slowly tearing away at them with a crystalline arm, throwing them around and denying them the ability to attack Skarburn. She tore him apart and went to disrupt the Psions from attacking her, putting one into a stranglehold and the other one simply being annoyed at her being there.

So that left Skarburn sitting there between an Interceptor and Mr Wayne "Eyebrows" Kerr. My Persistent Frenzy remained persistent, and she gained more temporary hit points through the use of a few abilities and powers. The Interceptor was quickly mauled and it was me and Mr Eyebrows. I attack and stepped back, allowing him to enter my melee range.

Now I use a Halberd, a type of polearm. I also gained a feat that I have never regretted taking up, which is Polearm Gambit: Once per initiative, if an enemy moves adjacent to you, you may make a basic melee attack against them.

So I attack, step back. He enters melee range, I attack, he attacks. Rinse and Repeat. Slowly we worked our way around Saphira and her battle with the Psions was becoming more and more of an uphill battle. Repeatedly being tied up between two people, it was obvious what was going to happen to her.

Then Saphira snapped. Through the entire encounter, she used up her last 5 healing surges for the day through various abilities she has available to keep her alive while luring poor sods into their demise. But when she loses all of her Healing Surges for the day, she becomes psychotic. Her arms become spinier, her fists become massive shards, and she simply goes on a blood lusted craze. She takes a constant damage and receives temporary hit points based on her damage up to a maximum of 20.

Unfortunately, that wasn't enough to help her. She eliminated her enemies except for an interceptor and one lucky Psion who hadn't been touched all Encounter. Eyebrows knew that she was on the verge of death and decided to take out his secret weapon: A SWORD LAZER!

BOOM! She fell to the ground convulsing leaving me to take on Mr Eyebrows, a Psion called Lucky, and an Interceptor. You would think that Skarburn would be in trouble, but in the turn or two that Eyebrows had missed or not attacked her, Skarburn was still healing. When Eyebrows turned back to Skarburn, she was already on a third of her total health.

He was on about a quarter health of his 250 hp and already used his healing surge to try and survive the onslaught of Skarburn.

This is where Skarburn was in trouble. Three opponents, one of which is more powerful than the others, one that denies stuff like bonus to attack and standard turns, and one who simply attacks and damages.

Slowly Skarburns health wavered down and down, damage increasing constantly as she Persistently Frenzied, over and over again. Eventually the Interceptor was down, re-capping my temporary HP and preventing me from dying from one more hit.

But it wasn't enough. The next few attacks put me under 0 HP, leaving me on -5.

We reached an ambiguous point. I have a Utility power, Deathless Frenzy, which allows me to stay Conscious until I reach death or fail a death saving roll. The problem was that when someone regains health, such as the Regeneration from the Troll skin armour, I regain that health as if I were at 0 hp, putting me up on 5 instead of a flat 0 and Deathless Frenzy expires.

If I didn't heal, then I continue to make death saving rolls at the end of my turn until I die at -60 hit points.

We opted for the latter of the two and Aaron allowed me to turn off the regeneration. I had my turn and hoped for a critical, the massive hit that would end this so much earlier than expected. Unfortunately, I rolled a 3. My bonus of 18 does not allow me to surpass his Armour Class of 30.

I dropped the dice and I began to express my dismay at not getting the eighth critical that I was absolutely desiring when Aaron pointed to me and said
"Did you just roll that?"
"What?" I peer down and there it was. The highest number available on a 20 sided dice glared up at me like a smug little child.
"Yeah, Medway did roll that," piped in Scotty and Richard.
"Medway, do you know what this means?"

Now when someone is 'dying', they make a Death Saving Roll. When you roll a 1-9 you mark a strike and when you get to 3 strikes, you die. When you roll a 10-19, you don't mark a strike. When you roll a 20, you use a healing surge and regain hit points as if you were on 0 hp and regain consciousness.

While I was already conscious, I do regain the 32 hit points from my healing surge.

So with a blaze in Skarburns eyes and a Rage Blood Vigour coursing through his veins, the Female Goblin raised its halberd and struck down the man standing twice his size and with funnier eyebrows than her.

With the towering figure falling, Skarburn turned to the remaining Psion and said "Fuck off."

"Medway?" Aaron looked at the board confused.
"Yes Aaron?" I say with a cheeky smile.
"You beat the encounter."
"That's right," I reply.
"YOU CAN'T DIE," he says in stark realisation.
"NO I CAN'T," I affirm with a grin almost so wide that my head could fall off from a gust of wind.
"With your many Criticals and efforts this game, you are turning back into an Orc next D&D."
"Game on."
"You know this was meant to be an extremely difficult battle, unlikely for you to win."
"Yeah. I figured that by being outnumbered about... four to one? Without Eyebrows?"
"But you beat it," he said with a little bit of pride. "And the scary thing is... is that you're not home brew."

Skarburn (The Figure), turned away from Mr Eyebrows (The Brown Square Stone), with the convulsing body of Saphira (Black Round Stone), and the remaining Psion that will carry my message to the remainder of the forces (Blue Square Stone).

Sometimes... just sometimes...

Many many moons ago, at the start of a Dungeons and Dragons session, I began a silly joke. The specific details are lost to the holding sieve of memory, but one thing was certain.

I was outraged over Mentos.

Mentos: the Freshmaker, A chewable mint lolly that always improves a situation. At least, that's what the Advertisements tell us. However, that isn't always the case.

For Dungeons and Dragons, as a nice little treat, Scotty would always bring a few bags of lollies. He works a Bargain City and with his staff discount he gets them for a dollar per bag, usually picking up a bag of Musk Sticks, some Choc Cherry Bites (think fat bite-size Cherry Ripes), maybe a bag of jelly snakes, and a bag of Mentos.

The Choc Cherry bites were quite popular, usually being the first packet devoured under the sweet tooth of Richard and Aarons Voracious appetite. In turn, Scotty bought a box of Cherry bites, for our D&D sessions to slowly whittle away over the coming weeks. His boss caught wind of this and went to the newsagents to pick up a skin magazine and wrap each bag with a page or two of nude ladies, or raunchy articles.

Where do you like a guys load?
I love it all over my tits and lower back, it just makes me so hot
- Home Girl winner #15

That was a fun little thing to turn up to D&D for. It countered the playful outrage that I had for Mentos, the condom lolly (They're individually wrapped and always a bastard to open - HAHA! I'm hilarious).

Over the coming year, he would continue to bring out a bag of Mentos to stir me up. I'd play along, scowling at the blue packaging and threatening it's life, reflexively tossing it into the corner of a room in a fit of rage when it was dropped in front of me, breathing heavily to 'calm myself'.

More and more bags each week, whether it was one bag or two. Eventually Scotty came into Fastbreak with some bags and I played along with it, naturally. He started to bring two bags for shock factor at the beginning and just because it got shared about willy nilly.

Just to note, he wasn't really losing out on money for this. The bags cost about 50c a pop to him, so he wasn't losing out very much on this.

But here's a kicker.

One day, he realised that the Mentos were losing their flavour, so to speak. I was getting a little tired of the joke, having Mentos thrown at me or into my way during a game. It was beginning to grind on my nerves.

So he took it up a notch. One night, he put down a packet of Mint Mentos. A little while later, another packet of Mint Mentos. While we were playing a happy game of Monsterpocalypse, a packet of Fruit Mentos. As we finished the game, another packet of Fruit Mentos came crashing down. Nearing the end of the game of Gin next to us, another Mint packet slid across the stage on it's knees.

A few weeks later, he gave me a warning. He warned of a shock factor that he was going to induce onto me and some of the others at Fastbreak.

Boy did he bring in some shock and awe. He strode in, proud and grinning as he does when he's doing something silly, and carrying a Bargain city bag filled with a large cardboard box.

A case of Mentos, filled to the brim with a total of about Forty bags of Mint Mentos. He was happy, grinning like a fool at the almost the entire store laughing at Scottys outrageous manoeuvre (How the fuck do you spell that?).

The next week he became a little creative. A little ritual I have for Fastbreak Tuesdays is to go to the fish and chip shop for dinner. Two or three dim sims and a large chips. It takes about 10 minutes to cook up and they're usually pretty good. Occasionally they're a little dodgy, warmed and soaked with oil but not crispy, but 9 times of 10 they're just crunchy enough for my liking.

During this time, Scotty pulled out his secret weapon. I walked into the shop, down to the tables in the back and stopped dead. Scotty, beaming with pride, sat slightly uncomfortably with a necklace made of full Mentos Packets.

But that's not all!

The weeks passed and the grinding was starting again, agitating me and I began to ignore the onslaught of Individually wrapped Mentos. So Scotty resolved again that next week I would have to prepare, prepare to be outraged to a whole new level.

And boy did he bring it to a whole new level.


There are more to come, ladies and gentlemen.

You give me the kind of feeling people write Novels about.

It was the night of the 'Burger Dinner and I expected to get drunk and have a few laughs with an older generation of guys and gals. And it was. But to make it a proper 'Burger dinner, it had to include some of the more infamous members of the blogroll.

She parades around under the name of Jennicki, cheeky and funny, lauging with all of the regular faffers of the 'Burger. I'd seen her around and said to myself “Hey, she's pretty cute.” Which she is. I followed her blog for a little bit and admitted to myself that she's a pretty cool character.

So with being such a loyal follower and close friend to the 'Burger King, she was certain to make an appearance at the dinner. 7:30 rolled around which made her to wake up at 4am in the U.S.A. so she could wake up in a good half hour before the meet and greet over Skype.

And thats where it began. Nat called out whether anyone wanted to talk to Jennicki, and I said “sure, she's cute.” I rammed my face into the little camera of Damians Netbook and she saw me in all my rather tipsy glory. I didn't even turn on my charm, because frankly I always thought I'm as charming as a wet herring trying to cut down a tree, and one of her first words was “Oh you're adorable!” She fell for my dimples (that I didn't know knew existed; I just don't smile at myself often enough) and we began to talk. She wanted me to send an email to her. And boy do I not regret it.

Then it just kept going from there. We talked, we laughed, and got to know each other. She told me stories about her, and I told her stories about me. We both write and we wrote stories for each other. By Xmas and New Years, we pretty much announced that we were in a relationship to the 'Burgers by posting funny stuff about over sexing each other throughout Birmos mansion; breaking the coffee table; clogging his kitchen sink; defiling his bedsheets that were gifted to him in his Grandmothers will.

Jens favourite story is when we were first talking together she asked me what I did for work. I told her Private Investigator and she didn't believe me. "Are you really?"
So I sent a text to her phone saying "Yes, I am."
"Did you just? OMG!"

It rolled on and on, weeks after Xmas and through new years. It began to grind on peoples nerves, a few snarky comments were thrown about and eventually we apologised for our lewd behaviour. It was a constant thing, and so we eventually worked our way behind closed doors.

Behind those doors we talked on Skype. It started off simple. She could see me, but I could hear her lovely and cute voice sing across my mums speakers. She was cute, and I made her laugh with my jokes and silly actions such as dancing across the camera and pulling funny faces. She flooded me with compliments, saying I'm so cute and that she loves my dimples. My favourite to this day is she loves the creases in the corner of my eyes when I laugh.

How could I not like her? She had me in a corner, threatening me with her gorgeous laugh, beating me back with hilarious anecdotes regarding her adorable mother, and eventually capturing me with her wonderful character every time we talk over Skype. We chat every chance we get over Skype, waking her up in the morning while I wind down from work, or from when I wake up in the morning when her night is beginning and we just don't stop until late afternoon when she finally decides to go to bed, talking about things of life and generally being silly.

I've made her feel good too, and apparently it shows. Not long after we started talking, people complimented her by mentioning the glow about her and how happy she is. I joked that when I see her, she would wake up absolutely incandescent and she would beam so much that nobody would be safe from her laser beams.

I'll be seeing her in August just after Gencon Indy. I don't want it to be a stop over, I want to stay there for at least a week. It will happen, and I'll probably come back with a tan better than the ones you get at any Queensland beach. And in turn, she's going to come to Brisbane for Xmas 2010 and stay with me, conveniently over the Xmas Holidays. While she may not get showered with gifts while she's over here, I do hope that she will have a good time while she's here.

So we've taken on this relationship by the horns. While it may be a stupid idea to start a long distance relationship, it really doesn't matter. We know the rules of the game and the risk we take by doing this, but we have our ways and we're staying optimistic about it.

I hate stupid comments about it though. The other night, someone decided that she should put her 2 cents in and I didn't appreciate it. Could've been what she said, could just be that I hate being treated like an idiot unless I deserve it, but it ticked me off.

“Medway, don't hold yourself out from everyone. If you find someone else that really wants you who's right here, then you can tell your overseas friend 'Bitch, I got some pussy here now so you can fuck off'.”

I suspect my audience will understand my sentiments towards this. While I know she means well and doesn't want to see me get hurt in the end, it's my business.

One other thing I'm starting to get annoyed at is being mocked. Call me a sook, but some people I know are silly who take any comment and just make stupid comments. I've been hesitant to tell most people about us because of it. I don't want to hear “Matty is talking to a 40 year old man who's using a voice synthesiser to sound like a woman” or asking something like “So is she a nerd too? Does she play your little games?”

I know it's silly of me, and I've apologised to her about it, but it's just the way I am. I can enjoy the harmless little jokes, which encompasses most people I, but certain people just tick me off. One of my crosses to bear, I suppose. And it's always those you HAVE to be around regularly.

I kinda wish I had Jen's sort of confidence. She has told just about everyone about me, and she has been called a Cougar many times over because of it. She even corrected someone to say that she's technically a Puma, to which one fellow retorted with “Actually, you're more of a Jaguar.”

She has told her best friends about me and they gave her the 20 questions, asking me a few questions as well, and apparently I passed their test and I have been approved.

I really like her. She's smart, she's entertaining, she's fun to talk to. She even tries Australianisms, such as trying to pronounce Awesome the same way I do, which ends up with ORSUM. She has always wanted to come to Australia ever since she read a book where the character would always want to escape to Australia.

She has a fairly good basing within Australia too, particularly Brisbane. She has never travelled, but I still remember her story that she met Dirk through her Writing Studies when she was 17 or 18, and they simply haven't stopped talking since. I wonder whether I approve on Dirks Dad-o-meter, as I imagine after knowing her for so long, she would be considered an adopted daughter. From there she began talking with more and more of Dirks friends through the internet, and thus began her connection with Brisbane.

I was similar. I met Kel through War Gaming and he introduced me to his mates and eventually it came full circle to the 'Burger dinner party. I've told the story enough times to have everyone repeat it in unison.

I can't say enough good things about this woman. I can't wait to talk to her when she wakes up in an hour, and to meet her in August. It's too far away, but these things take time.


Also, babe, I just want to point out that I was under no obligation to write this.

And Her retort: My Funny Valentine

Fucking GoCards

My fucking lord. How rude can someone get? Well rude enough to make you late for work when trying to sell you something.

You see, lately the trains have been trying to push for GoCards and against paper tickets. I was running a little late and i wanted my paper ticket quickly. But nooo, the nice lady sat there trying to convince me to get a GoCard instead of putting through my order. When my train came, she said "Oh you don't want that train" and I immediately thought "You don't know what fucking train I want!"
The only reason I didn't say it was because I was fucking flabbergasted!

So now i'm late and a little cranky to boot because of there little security cards that queensland Transport are trying to herd everyone into.

I don't care if it's cheaper. I just don't want to be late for work, but since I am, i may as well waste my time letting you take $45 from me to register my own personal GoCard along with allowing me $40 credit instead of the $39.40 for the little shred of paper that I carry in my Wallet and have not had to take out for over 6 months except to clean out my Wallet.

These people should either be considerate, or take a course in retail.

You know what I dislike?

Having something awesome prepared, ready to be dished out to the family of readers...

But missing that one ingredient, the one thing that makes it a meal for the eyes. Something that leaves people walking away, satisfied and rubbing their bellies.

Right now, I have a fantastic post to make a whole heap of people giggle their little heads off! But it needs the photographic evidence that was generated. And you know what? The slack arses that took the photos aren't cooperating.

Bastards.

Edit: And headaches. I haven't given any reason for one, yet here it is!

Double Dutch Bastard.

Multiculturalism, united under one Agenda

One thing that I haven't covered here at I Hate Mogroth is cross faction forces, where your army has other figures from other factions, friendly or enemy alike.

Many players find plenty of reasons to 'splash' units within their forces. Tyrannix players usually find a place for a Repair Vehicle to heal the vehicular morphers of a gigantic herbivore. Meatshield usually has a very good assortment, including G-Tanks, Mobile Ops and Spintop (His favourite mis-matched Rocket Chopper) from his GUARD force, and then Fire Kami's, Earth Avatars and the occasional Water Avatar to cover the remainder of the numbers.

Biggins usually has a very sporadic army composition for his Empire of the Apes force, taking a few Terrasaur figures such as Raptix and Spikodons, and taking a good selection of Bomber Apes, Howitzer Apes, Stealth Apes and a Command Ape.

I personally have a particular way of organising my troop choices which offers an even spread of good units available, occasionally specialising certain cases.

Lords of Cthul
4x Spitter Grunts
2x Spitter Elites
2x Snatcher Grunts
2x Shadow Snatcher Grunts
1x Snatcher Elite
2x Meat Slave
2x Cthulubite

Subterran Uprising
3x Mollok Brute Grunts
2x Mollok Brute Elites
2x Mollok Berserkers
2x Mollok Mortar Grunts
1x Glass Mollok Mortar Grunt
2x Mollok Mortar Elites
3x Groundbreakers

These are good force compositions for themed forces. An even spread of options and support their monsters respectively.

So what do we do for mixing and matching these factions units? Well lets see what we have. The Subterrans have a very large theme of Brawling, while the Lords of Cthul have a bigger proficiency with synergy support. Lets focus on a Brawling force.

The list of Brawling figures are as follows
Taskmasters
Snatchers
Corruptors
Tanglix
Mollok Brutes
Mollok Berserkers
and to lesser extents
Cthulubites
Squix
Mollok Mortars
Groundbreakers

Some figures have their similarities. Snatchers and Mollok Brutes and Berserkers both have jump and SPD 5, for example. Their difference lies with their other abilities and stats. The Snatcher has the Manufacture Advantage, while the Mollok Brutes have a slightly better Brawl and much better DEF stat. The Mollok Brute comes out with the Rage Advantage, Red Berserk ability and Riled, a better Brawl stat than the two of them, while averaging out the DEF at a humble 3 and costing 2 A-die to spawn instead of the standard Grunt cost of 1.

So there are good points to splash Mollok Berserkers: They are able to substitute as good Squad leaders. A Snatcher Grunt and a Mollok berserker run forward against another unit, making sure to stand adjacent to each other, and make a brawl attack of up to 4*3. A destroyed unit, coupled with the Rage Advantage gains you 2 P-die and the Manufacture Advantage spawns a Snatcher Elite who, if placed adjacent to the Mollok Berserker, can make a Brawl attack of up to 2*2.

So a Mollok Berserker makes for a great pseudo-leader. Even for Taskmasters, the under appreciated Brawler. They actually make for a good team up, the Taskmaster and Berserker. The Taskmaster has the Fling Brawl trigger and with the Berserkers additions (Rage, Berserk) you gain a lot of profit.
With a brawl attack of up to 5*4, you attack a unit and destroy it, profiting with 2 P-die, then target another figure within 5 spaces with the same die used as before and destroy another unit, gaining 2 more P-die from the destruction and Rage Advantage, or dealing a point of damage to a monster, still gaining a P-die from the Rage Advantage. The downside to the pairing is overall cost, as they both cost 2 a-die each.

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Corrupters stand as a disruptive unit with a rather vanilla stat line and can play a similar role to the Berserker but without as much success. Flank is one of the Corrupters two abilities and the ability is red allowing it to spread to adjacent Agenda Figures. This is good, as a lone Corrupter with a Brawl of 2*0 will have a tough time against most units of a reasonable DEF. However, when placed adjacent to a friendly figure the optimism increases. A good figure to combine an attack with him is the Cthulubite. Weakness plus Flank makes for a very vulnerable figure.

But how do I mix them with the Subterrans? They have the Groundbreaker who already has Flank, along with better speed and manoeuvrability with Burrow, and the same brawl stat and the Pathfinder Action, which has a 50/50 chance of killing a unit regardless of DEF and then moving up to another 2 spaces.

So the Corrupter isn't the most tangible figure to be added to your forces. The Elite Corrupter sporting the Red Overload Brawl trigger makes for a substantial situation for your monster, but not particularly for your units. So I'm going to kick out the Corrupter.

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The Tanglix. Now, this is a tricky one. The Tanglix is well known for having a strange and rare dental problem, and also having a rather Counter effective brawl trigger: Radial Attack. This causes the figures to spread out a little because if you don't then your attack squad pretty much disappears unless you roll underneath their DEF of 3.

So how can one take advantage of Radial Attack? With the Tanglix's Brawl attack of 3*0, it makes for an expensive brawler without any B-die kickback. And if the attack is successful, all adjacent figures to the leading attacker are destroyed, meaning you have to spread your figures out from your leading attacker.

How do you mix this figure with the Subterrans? The thing about combining an attack with a figure is that the lead figure is the most important since you're using their attack Trigger. The other figures can be the biggest mismatch of troops you can generate, so with the lack of Boost Die that the Tanglix offer is picked up by the others of the combination.

This is where the Mollok Brutes come in. The Mollok Brutes stand in a similar place to the Spitters by having a large amount of boost die available and no Triggers, making them fantastic support figures. The best part is their Elite has the Champion ability, which gives even more boost die from the Elite himself. On top of the Brawling potential, the Mollok Brutes have Jump and a decent SPD, allowing them to position themselves where they won't be affected by the Radial Attack. The combined attacks amount up to 5*5 which hits a G-tank 90% of the time.

The downside? The Tanglix is slow, with no manoeuvrability either. Mind you, climb would make a little sense. He'd be like “I'm Spiderman! Yeah!”

Also, always note that if you're surrounded by flying figures and you target a non-flying unit with the attack, the adjacent flying figures are hit by the Trigger!

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This is where I'm going to leave it at for the moment. The next post, when I get around to it, will be focused on the Fiends Choice of Blastards.

Memorable Moments in Monsterpocalypse

Every so often, a player will have an experience during a game that was just so phenomenally hilarious or game changing that it clings to their memories like a barnacle on a Triton figure. Between players, it's always different, whether something was so ridiculously successful, or there was just one roll that turned a game about.

I've had quite a few different ones. One that really stood out was against planet eaters. Planet eaters are tough bastards, retaining a very high health count across the majority of their monsters. They have a Monster Pairing that has the highest total health count: Gorghadra and Mega Gorghadra at 16 health!

Then we look at the rest of the Planet Eater range, where figures usually have a decent amount of health. Rogzor at the bottom with 10, Vorgax at 11, Zorog and Xaxor at 12.
Xaxor is the accomplice, however. With his abilities, particularly the blue Jump ability, nothing can escape Gorghadra's ability to “Eat Face”.

And that was the plan. Xaxor and Gorghadra running through a field, claw in claw, laughing under the sunshine as they terrorise the 'burbs of whatever-opolis, bounding over skyscrapers with the ease of superman. With Xaxor's super-damage capabilities and Gorghadra's phenominal endurance, it would naturally be assumed that a very uphill battle would be ahead of me.

Not quite.

To battle these monstrosities, you have to pull out the big guns. Lords of Cthul have plenty of big guns too, and some unique niches for their monsters. Yasheth stands as an extremely enduring figure, with his Leech ability and Vampirism, coupled with Meat Slaves, he can regenerate anywhere up to four health. With his Mega, he becomes stealthed to ranged attacks and his assault trades healing for super damage.

Cthugrosh is a great figure for his variety of options. He summons, he sacrifices, he moves things with his minds; with every brawl attack, he gains an additional power die; with something that he's a little too disgusted with, he gets as far away as possible and Flings them another five spaces away. Mega Cthugrosh

My pairing of choice, however, were the Pustule hammer and Geriatric sickle of the Lords of Cthul: Ulgoth and Ancient Osheroth. Both Annihilate anything they touch. Both flail about with their Radial Attack. Both have great health (11 each).

Their Downsides? Only Ancient Osheroths Morphers have maneuverability, using the ability Burrow. That's okay. I knew this player, I knew how he played. I didn't need to chase them down. He would perform ballet over the buildings to reach me and Eat face.

Other Downsides? Relatively low healing capabilities. Ulgoth relies on Meat Slaves, while Ultra Ancient Osheroth has Sacrifice and his morphers have Vampirism on one of the Tentacles.

So with these weapons at hand, and a standard force layout of units, the Block War was on.

Now, if you could, imagine two people. Female warriors in schoolgirl outfits. One with blind courage, prepared to run into the midst of anything and everything to take on whatever sod wanted to challenge them; The other with a little more patience and pondering as it whacks a building with the back of its hand and catching a better view of her partners suicide run.

Now think of those bad anime shows that involve schoolgirls and tentacles. That pretty much describes what happened to Gorghadra, all 16 of his health disappeared after about 3 or four turns.

And Xaxor watched on, trying to help where he could. But it just wasn't enough. Then, with Gorghadra torn apart and laying down on the floor, his biometal clothes tattered and strewn across the town... they turned to Xaxor.


What are your Memorable Moments in Monsterpocalypse?