Of Trolls and Talismans

Talisman: The Magical Quest Game, is a Board Game that many a nerd who has played it GROANS at the very mention of it. "It takes so long!" They cry, "It will take us late into the night!" Which is a lie, we started at 6:30 or 7pm and the three of us finished at 9! We being Scotty, Corey, Paul and I.

Last week we pulled out Talisman to play. I'm not sure what edition it is, but I imagine its old since the dust on the cover of the box is so thick that you need to chisel it off. We followed one house rule which was that players chose a random character. The character cards were shuffled and they draw from a random spot, or it's just drawn from the top of the deck.

Last week we drew random cards and came up thusly.

• Medway - Assassin
• Paul - Prophetess
• Corey - Sorceress
• Scott - Priest

I had absolutely horrible luck, with my stuff being stolen by bandits, and being kicked seven ways from sunday from the least likely of all things, the Wild Boar, the Weakest monster in the game. The worst part is that it happened twice. It's more humiliating than Corey who had his arse kicked by the Farmer every time he landed on the Tavern. Every. Time.

This week, we all ran through the character cards and as soon as I saw him, I had to play him. The Troll. He's the strongest character, but he's about as bright as those glow in the dark constellation stickers you put on your ceiling (or want to, if you haven't done so already). Actually, that might be giving him a little bit of credit.

The other special feature of him is that he is always safe in the Crags. Normally, you can get lost or you can fight a terrible spirit that found you, or you can gain a Strength when a Barbarian leads you out, and any of these can happen depending on what you roll on a d6. But not the Troll!

So he's a very VERY straight forward character. Later revisions allowed him to gain a Life if he rolls a 6, but that's unlikely since he isn't interested in anything except "bashing sum wun wiff his stikk".

Which he did. He bashed quite a few things that most others wouldn't have normally bashed, and benefitted from it. The poor fella did draw a Craft 10 Demon, which is impossible for him to beat with his Craft 1... But I had a cross. "So I'z got da kross and smished da demon." Then I immediately doubled my craft.

"I have now found that the reason the apple fell on my head is because the tree is actually attacking me."

I picked up a few different things, one of the biggest things that brought me some of the POWER I held was the Amulet, which meant I couldn't cast spells but I couldn't be targetted by them.

Except for a Witch. Who cursed me and turned me into a Toad. Goddamn witch. So that meant I dropped all my items, including the Amulet, the Cross and the Flask of Water, and all my Gold (I think i was on like 5 at that point) and then I just hopped about just like a toad does. There was a font of Wisdom, luckily, and so I doubled my craft again. A Toad with a Craft of 2 is pretty impressive. Especially when it goes up against a Craft 4 Monster and Ties with it. But when I turned back into a Troll the extra craft didn't roll over, so didn't quadruple my Craft, sadly.

Sidenote - To fight someone, you get the relative stat (Strength or Craft) and roll a d6. If you equal, you tie. If you roll higher, they suffer lose a Life. If you roll lower, you lose a Life.

Now as I mentioned, when you get turned into a Toad you drop all your Gold and Objects on the spot that you get turned into a Toad. So that means it's available for other players to pick up stuff. So during the 3 turns that I am a Toad, my stuff is up for grabs. I'm also easily killable, but nobody was in the habit of trying to kill anyone.

Except me. And I had incentive too. Paul, who was playing the Elf, found a way to sneak over and pick up my stuff by telepoting through Woods Spaces. And when he got there, he convinced the fucking Witch to Pay him to take my stuff of her hands, the greedy bastard . But luckily for me, he hadn't had a good run. He was down to 1 Life, so all I needed to do was conk him on the noggin and that's the end of that. So as a vengeful Troll with about 8 or 9 Strength to his name, he hunted down that Fucking Elf and got back his Objects, his Gold plus Interest (Paul had a significant amount of luck with regards to Gold) and then trundled off satisfied with himself that there was one more squished Elf in the world.

After that, I was a train of havoc going all the way up to the Crown of Command to "Kill da little peeple". It was funny though, I drew the Hermit just before I went into the inner level, and conveniently enough he was on the tile I landed on and he gave me a Talisman to let me get to the Crown of Command.

"Choo Choo! Take Dat, Dwarf! Take Dat, Warrior! I got da Powah!"