Now I have a couple of irrational fears. One of which is heights, and I'm mostly getting used to it now. I can get on top of a building and look over the edge and see everyone down the way. I don't know how I'd go on the roof of a skyscraper, but I don't see it being very good (he says as the warms trickles down his leg). Stupid Acrophobia. I don't know where it came from, because I've always had it since I was little, but I've slowly grown out of it, though occasionally the fight/flight will kick in and I'll just refuse to go any higher.
Mum even tried to help me get over my fear by sending me to awkward places that were much too high, or sending me out with family friends to go out to places of elevation. One time we went out rockclimbing and I just refused to climb. Wouldn't do it. Couldn't do it. He went through all the safety instructions and everything, and assured me over and over that it was perfectly safe. I even watched my sister do it, climb up and take her time and everything, but NOPE. Not budging. I at least did something at an Indoor Rockclimbing centre. But I got little more than halfway and I got stuck until I was told I could come down.
Another time we went out to the glass house mountains for a bushwalk up the mountain. There was a part with a fairly steep climb up a smooth rock. I got halfway, but I couldn't get a grip on my shoes. So I got stuck and decided to go back down and waited there for the others to go all the way to the top and back down again. I sat there for a few hours feeling a bit embarrassed, but adamant that I couldn't do it. When I got home, mum was pissed that I didn't get anywhere with it, but I never asked for her help with my fear of heights. She should've discussed it with me instead of sending me off without even asking whether i wanted to go.
I think that was my angst period too, where I just didn't have any choice of what I wanted to do, I just got told "You're doing this, that's final" regardless of whether I had a massive problem with it or not.
Anyway, I have a case of Acrophobia and occasionally my legs will turn to cement and I'll get stuck.
My other irrational fear is Glass Elevators. And I just mean Glass Elevators, where the walls have windows out into open areas, or you can see the floors going up in front of you in the door. Elevators with Windows. Display cases on a wire. This is another one from my childhood. Mum and dad had me at the Myer Centre and we were about to take the escalators going up, and I started bawling my eyes out and carrying on getting upset at the escalators to the point that Mum said "Alright, lets try the elevators." No good. I got in there and I was worse. Just stepping in there and I just went off like someone was trying to kill me.
And that one has really stuck through to today. I've taken glass elevators only a few times after that, using the small part of metallic wall as a set of blinders while feeling the rock in my stomach sink down into my feet as the buttons highlighted the floor we were on. They move so quickly those elevators, so the inertia really just makes me sink.
When I have the chance now, I just take the escalators. It's much easier for me to peel the bandaid than rip it off.
Last night however wasn't one of my bravest days. I got offered to go see Immortals for free because a friend got given 20 free double passes at the Myer Centre. I was offered to join in and I said yes, because a free movie is the best kind of movie.
We all met up at Hungry Jacks and had some dinner before taking a very long way around to the Cinema, going up Queen Street rather than going down Albert Street, but eventually we got to the right set of lifts, and that's where everyone got on the lift and I just kept on walking away and down the stairs and up Albert street to King George Square Bus Station and Jumped on a Bus and let it take me home. Didn't tell anyone. Just bolted. Like the Massive Pussy I am.
See, what had happened, is that I completely forgot that the Myer Centre has Glass Elevators. And tou know that fight or flight mechanism? That self explanatory thing in your brain? Yeah, for some reason it just had a big red sign that said "FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT FLIGHT." Even the idea of escalators didn't turn me back. Scotty suggested "Look straight ahead"
Nope: "I don't have tunnel vision Scott, I can still see the way down and I have a fear of heights." Scotty even called me later after the movie to see if I was alright and I just explained that to him, that for some reason I just flipped out and had to go.
The only thing now is that when I see my friend again, I'm going to get ridiculed. Probably quite a lot.
*Shrug* It's the price you pay, I guess.
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