Twatter Twetter Tw*tter Twotter Twutter

is disgusted that his Girlfriends-Without-Benefits have forced him into this derivative of Facebook.
8:43 PM Oct 19th from web

What's up with the random followers, yo? I have like 5 and 3 are all advertisements!
9:04 PM Oct 19th from web

A Bath? With Wimmen? And have them Ogglin me Trumpet and Skittles? I call that Shameless, sir!
11:04 PM Oct 19th from web

Ecstacy = Musical Choreographer? It makes so much sense...
10:08 AM Oct 20th from mobile web

V Energy Shots smell like Fruit Roll Ups.
2:16 PM Oct 20th from mobile web

is totally off his Tweet...er...
2:38 PM Oct 20th from mobile web

Tumble Dryer Friendly Children, miracle of the future.
9:27 PM Oct 20th from mobile web

"Myagagag" - Popeye's Evil Twin
8:35 AM Oct 21st from mobile web

My face now smells like Potpourri
2:10 PM Oct 21st from mobile web

Not only am i getting back into my Sonic Groove, but i figured out how to turn on a pocket watch.
7:33 PM Oct 21st from mobile web

Wants a Roast and Gravy Roll.
11:17 AM Oct 22nd from mobile web

Pepsi Burps taste like Pizza
12:34 PM Oct 22nd from mobile web

Robot DJing for the future of mankind.
3:21 PM Oct 22nd from mobile web

Is downloading Starcraft 2 Battle Reports. However, my PS3 won't play the Sound...
8:42 PM Oct 22nd from web

Dear Work. Let me go home to the peace and quiet that awaits me
12:08 PM Oct 23rd from mobile web

It's 10:30 and I'm eating Cookies 'n' Cream Tim Tams and Coke Zero...
10:37 AM Oct 24th from web

Just got satisfied by a Kebab
5:55 PM Oct 24th from mobile web

hates getting worried about someone and can't do anything about it.
6:48 PM Oct 24th from mobile web

had a really good night
11:08 AM Oct 25th from mobile web

Makes his Mistakes on Epic Scales.
12:03 PM Oct 26th from mobile web

has stress headache and stomach cramps
2:45 PM Oct 26th from mobile web

My gum tastes like Sultana's?
3:25 PM Oct 26th from mobile web

With all this doom and gloom, it's making me want to get a drink.
10:55 AM Oct 27th from mobile web

doesn't have much to do tonight. Looks like Sonic and Jim tonight.
2:08 PM Oct 28th from mobile web

Jim and Sonic is better than Gin and Tonic
3:13 PM Oct 28th from mobile web

Jim has gone... One and a half bottles in a night... I did that like two weeks ago... Three even!
5:52 PM Oct 28th from web

Day one. Jeremy leaves me with his work today until the monday after next.
7:17 AM Oct 29th from mobile web

my morning breath tastes like Red Cordial...
7:56 AM Oct 29th from mobile web

found the worst thing to call someone: Cum Dumpster
12:00 PM Oct 29th from mobile web

So over it that i can't wait to go home to an empty house
3:18 PM Oct 29th from mobile web

"what are you waiting for? A certain shade of green"
7:48 AM Oct 30th from mobile web

Stresses way too much than should be legally allowed.
2:14 PM Oct 30th from mobile web

is getting Borderlands in about a half hour. And AA batteries.
1:34 PM Oct 31st from mobile web

stupid aaa batteries.
2:15 PM Oct 31st from mobile web

score, free bus ride home
2:19 PM Oct 31st from mobile web

"Wow, that's more banged up than my mom's girly parts!"
2:38 PM Oct 31st from mobile web

is starting to wonder whether it's all worth it.
10:57 PM Oct 31st from mobile web

Borderlands: the scared love child of Fallout 3 and Quake 3.
1:18 PM Nov 1st from mobile web

Borderlands: the sacred love child of Fallout 3 and Quake 3
1:19 PM Nov 1st from mobile web

Hehe, 69 Tweets.
11:07 PM Nov 1st from web

sometimes you just walk into a room and the first thing that comes to mind is smoked turd.
10:34 AM Nov 2nd from mobile web

Holy fuck knuckles, I'm writing something.
6:15 PM Nov 2nd from web

fml
7:44 AM Nov 3rd from mobile web

Yawn.
9:28 AM Nov 4th from mobile web

her big breakfast and chocolate shake in front of her, i'm pretty sure i've fallen in lust
9:42 AM Nov 4th from mobile web

Liquorland reciept smells like Hazelnuts?
10:36 AM Nov 4th from mobile web

yeah. Pretty flippin hot, hey.
4:39 PM Nov 4th from mobile web

burning desire to have another shower
7:31 AM Nov 5th from mobile web

it's all going downhill from here
12:03 PM Nov 5th from mobile web

and i caught myself in the snap back.
4:21 PM Nov 5th from mobile web

Raw Toothbrush tastes like Cupcakes
11:39 PM Nov 5th from mobile web

morning breath tastes like ass when you brushed the night before with cupcakes
7:22 AM Nov 6th from mobile web

One person has texted me. Why am i Worried...
1:33 PM Nov 6th from mobile web

I have discovered the secret of Love, and in of all places: The Train
6:49 PM Nov 6th from web

My phone is a brick.
6:47 PM Nov 7th from mobile web

My phone is a Brick. And it keeps Flashing at me? Not the good flash either.
6:49 PM Nov 7th from mobile web

"Oh hi, little girl. I hope your vagoo is enjoying the taste of your shorts."
2:35 PM Nov 8th from mobile web

Solved the case of the Mysterious flashing message symbol.
3:28 PM Nov 9th from mobile web

Oh there ain't no rest for the wicked; Money don't grow on trees
2:48 PM Nov 10th from mobile web

Sleep! Huh! Good Gawd ya'll! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR!
11:49 PM Nov 10th from mobile web

"There is no gravity. Earth just sucks." - Graffito
3:04 PM Nov 11th from mobile web

"Now I know that you're tired of this COS YOU'RE A ROBOT! THEY DESIGNED YOUR LIFE!"
5:12 PM Nov 11th from mobile web

Nuh.
9:51 AM Nov 12th from mobile web

"While all the Vultures Feed"
7:47 AM Nov 13th from mobile web

Where is my short stack with Bacon
10:09 AM Nov 13th from mobile web

Is playing too much Borderlands and picking up the accent too easily.
4:29 PM Nov 14th from mobile web

Remember: Don't pull The Face in the middle of conversation. People know what it means.
8:19 PM Nov 15th from web

"Okay, his name is Hemoboy and he spits blood, but he's a Haemophilliac-" "Stop"
2:51 PM Nov 16th from mobile web

Seriously. Enough with the Relationship updates, Facebook. I've had enough.
10:56 PM Nov 16th from mobile web

Now my Radio is mocking me. Fuck you, Chad Kroger. Your stupid love ballads can go now.
11:06 AM Nov 17th from mobile web

11,11? I'll let you guess my wish. I'm looking at you Chad.
11:12 AM Nov 17th from mobile web

The world Mocks me further by filling it with beautiful women. *shakes fist*
7:54 AM Nov 18th from mobile web

"I know that you're tired of this COS YOU'RE A WROBOT! THEY DESIGNED YOUR LIFE!"
4:50 PM Nov 18th from mobile web

says Hi to Del when she gets back from Work.
10:39 PM Nov 18th from mobile web

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please put the alarm on code brown because I need to change my pants."
7:51 AM Nov 19th from mobile web

VA-VA-VOOM! A bottle and a Half Litre Can of V for Breakfast? I'll be dead by lunch!
11:22 AM Nov 19th from mobile web

If I were the head of a conspiracy, what would be my ultimate goal?
9:21 PM Nov 19th from mobile web

"HOLY BANANA PAJAMAS, BATMAN!"
7:49 AM Nov 20th from mobile web

never realised that "Pink Doughnut" was a euphemism for vagoo.
1:45 PM Nov 20th from mobile web

Me: "Whats with the drugs?" D: "Bad Headacheeeeee" Me: "Headcheese?"
7:14 PM Nov 21st from web

6am for a birthday party? Well i never...
6:07 AM Nov 22nd from mobile web

is watching Mary Poppins.
5:04 PM Nov 22nd from mobile web

"Right, don't be good and be careful. I don't want to have to buy a pram." "Mum, who do you think you're talking to?"
7:33 PM Nov 22nd from mobile web

what can you do when your phone has replaced the word Can with Bam?
7:23 AM Nov 23rd from mobile web

is too silly for his own Good.
10:33 PM Nov 23rd from mobile web

is fearing for his life. First a dead raven in the bush, then a possum on the footpath!
12:26 PM Nov 24th from mobile web

"A lack of information; i'm punch drunk and i need to find a way back home, it'd be a miracle if you'd oblige"
5:00 PM Nov 24th from mobile web

is far too restless. Enough of this nonsense i say!
11:15 PM Nov 24th from mobile web

*insert big swear word*-ed
7:28 AM Nov 25th from mobile web

"7am. The garbage truck beeps as it backs up and i start my day thinking about what i've thrown away."
4:54 PM Nov 25th from mobile web

"Welcome to the l4yer cake, son."
8:32 PM Nov 25th from mobile web

"Ah fucking 'ate Pikeys"
8:30 PM Nov 26th from mobile web

You know what I could go for? Baked Beans and a few slices of buttered bread. Lifes simple pleasures, mate.
10:01 PM Nov 26th from web

of all things to forget, it had to be my book and keys...
7:24 AM Nov 27th from mobile web

Zombie Island of Dr Ned? Short but sweet.
10:46 AM Nov 28th from mobile web

2.00 pm. The PS3 beeps as it loads up and I start my day wondering why I stink this way... (JK, I don't stink)
2:01 PM Nov 28th from web

Killing Zombies is hours of fun! My hours are up, but hey!
5:06 PM Nov 28th from mobile web

Ugh.
9:40 AM Nov 29th from mobile web

"Don't go falling in love with me stranger. I've been hurt too many times... By Zombies."
9:50 AM Nov 29th from mobile web

750m and i'm already sweating like i'm at Bricktops Pig Farm
11:32 AM Nov 29th from mobile web

Why the FUCK do i have a massive headache?
7:08 PM Nov 29th from web

is probably becoming too partial to Solitare...
8:47 PM Nov 29th from web

time for bed and to get rid of this headache.
10:32 PM Nov 29th from mobile web

Not. Cool.
11:54 PM Nov 29th from mobile web

"hey hey, right where you're standing? I pooped there." - Claptrap
8:56 AM Nov 30th from mobile web

Sunshower
2:08 PM Nov 30th from mobile web

time to go home and pass out for an hour
4:48 PM Nov 30th from mobile web

is staring out over the eleventh ocean
6:36 PM Nov 30th from mobile web

"Tess is with Benedict now? She's too tall for him."
7:44 PM Nov 30th from mobile web

"I earnt my PHD in DANCE!"
8:40 AM Dec 1st from mobile web

so much for my "as little caffeine as possible this week" plan.
1:56 PM Dec 1st from mobile web

Game On
5:09 PM Dec 1st from mobile web

"They don't know my thoughts, they don't know the least. If they listened to the words they'd find the message that's beneath"
about 21 hours ago from mobile web

"If i go crazy then will you still call me superman? If i'm alive and unwell will you be there holding my hand"
about 12 hours ago from mobile web

"Two guys walk into a bar..."
about 5 hours ago from mobile web