Mind you, I'll have to fix up bits and pieces, especially when the style of writing really changes here and there.
7am.
The garbage truck beeps as it backs up.
I pity the people who work on a sunday morning.
I find myself leaning up and see nobody else laying there.
The night was long and fun.
I raised my arms up as she walked through the gate.
But things never last as long as they really should.
I stare at myself while cleaning my teeth.
The sacks under my eyes loom over my face while the sleep looks like a gunk encrusted crown.
My hair is a mess. I still have strands reaching out like legs of a spider climbing out of the back of my mind.
My beard has starting to grow again.
She enjoyed the smoothness of my face and I threw my head back in laughter of it.
The kitchen is a mess. Froot loops and popcorn and bottle galore litter the entire room. I find the half filled box of froot loops and start nibbling on them as I figure out how to tidy this up.
Then Dani steps out of her room.
She's surprised at the mess and steps carefully through the minefield of crunchy foods and glasses.
Her hair look like a web. A mess of red strands going over her cute little face.
A groan acknowledges my presence. She makes her way over to give me a little hug.
"Good morning," I say through a smirk.
I smell whiskey.
"Want some froot loops?" I ask and wave the box in front of her. She reaches in and gets a couple in her fingers before walking off to the kitchen counter. Some water and asprin are her solution to a hangover.
"No practice today." Her voice crackles like a record player.
"I figured that you might end up like this so I thought I'd play with myself today," I reply. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to put the headphones on for you and keep myself quiet."
She nods her head appreciatively and hobbles her way back to her room.
11am.
The loungeroom is clean and the stains remain because I'm not really sure how to get them all out.
I walk into the study.
I pick up my guitar and headphones, I sit down in my beanbag and strum a few notes.
Incubus sounds good to play at this time of morning but I'm not really sure how well I'll play it out.
We fell in love again last night, she walked me to my room and we slept the rest of the night away.
Then in the morning.
Every morning she disappears before I wake up and say goodbye. She never disturbs me.
And I can never call her, she never picks up.
12pm.
Dani has come out of her room and she's feeling much better after her spew.
We watch some movies. George of the Jungle, Top Gun and Maverick are our top movies to watch on a hangover sunday.
Her head is in my lap. I keep my hand on her shoulder and a bucket at my feet just in case and a glass of water too, to wash out the disgusting taste. I know how she feels, I've been down that road before.
"So she left again."
Dani's voice is still rather coarse but her tone is as flat as spit on a pane of glass.
She's never liked her.
One of her best friends and she hates her. She only invites her because of my connection with her.
"Well what do you expect? For her to stay here with me and to enjoy a day of hangover cures and movies galore? She works like clockwork. She stays the night with me and then she sneaks off in the morning without saying a word."
Dani knows that I'm not angry at how she works because there isn't much that I can actually do.
"I wish she wouldn't do this."
"I know," I concur. "I'm not going to change it to what I want because that is just not what I do."
Dani cozies up to me. Its the closest to a hug that she can pull off right now.
She sits down at the end of the station, a gust of wind brings a strong chill.. Her mind questions her actions and her thoughts. What is she doing? Why is she doing it?
Her phone vibrates.
"A tall woman with dark hair sits down in the freezing cold. I wonder why she doesn't come over and borrow my jacket."
She looks at him. He stares off into the distance, his earphones blaring, and a foot taps to a beat.
She walks over to him and stands in front of him. She watches as he doesn't seem to notice her as he reaches into his bag and pulls out a large coat.
"I'm"
He quickly puts his finger to his lips, asking her to be silent.
She accepts the jacket and sits down beside him.
He offers a earphone. She accepts. He plays with his phone for a moment.
Her phone vibrates.
"I hope she likes spaghetti."
She replies: "You do make a good spaghetti"
He reads the message and smiles at her, the lights of their train illuminating his face.
On the train, they said nothing. They stared at each other and smiled. His smiles seem a little forced, she noted.
She reached out to grab his hand but he pulled back and shook his head.
He fondled with his keys, but the door opened before he found the right key.
"Yello," his roommate said.
"Yo. Guys, we've got a guest for dinner," he said and kept walking to his room.
"Hello, how are you?" the roommate asked.
"I'm good, how about you?" she replied.
"Shit," he laughed.
"Oh, okay then. I'm gonna go see..."
"That's okay. His room is straight down the hall." he says and sits back down with his partner.
"Thanks." She finds her way and sees him on the computer, typing away. She sits down on the bed across from him.
He sees her and rolls over on his chair and stands in front of her, staring into her eyes. His hands reach out for hers and caresses them.
"Dont speak yet. I want to explain something." he stops to search for the right words. "Nothing happens to me. Nothing extremely interesting, at least. I dont get invited out. I dont go to parties. I dont go mountain climbing or surfing or anything like that. I certainly dont get any interest from girls. Anything memorable stays in my memory, and i hold onto it. For some reason, i still remember how i met half of my friends, or when our relationships really got close. It's because it's rather dear to me. I still remember you saying to me 'i like to hear i still like you, girl, sometimes'. I said it to you all night, and halfway into the morning before i went to sleep and left in the morning. After that, i got excessive. I know this. Its been pointed out to me more than i'd like. I didn't mean to scare you."
He stares off into space.
"I dont want to make those mistake again, even though i'm going to remember it for a long time. I dont want the chance to make those mistakes again."
She grips his hands tightly. "Lets have dinner."
She leaves in the morning, disbelief in her mind and a little bit of worry.
Nothing happened the night before. They enjoyed dinner and the company of the roommates and the Tv. She slept in the spare bed while he slept in his own.
Nothing has changed, short of a little more understanding.
He also said to her last night something that he made a decision about a while ago.
"I dont care about close relationships. I certainly dont care about sex. When I go out, I dont chase tail. I dont care about that. I go out for a good time. Not everyone understands that of course, but hey. Them's the breaks.
"I dont want you. I want to have fun with you. That's all."
"Alright, guys" Mark presents through the Microphone. "We're all feeling a little outback today. Kinda a little country even, if ya'll haven't already guessed."
He presents himself in his attire of brown overalls, a baggy, dirty shirt, and a pair of worn out, steel capped boots. Carl was in similar attire, but Nat was in a frilled blue frock but still wearing a pair of worn boots.
"Where's Dani?" Carl says from behind the drums.
"Not a clue, hey. Do you know Nat?" Nat shakes her head while preparing her hands for the keyboard.
"Alright then. We'll start without her."
He picked up his violin and started the tune to 'Devil went down to Georgia'.
A sudden explosion and puff of smoke from the stage reveals Dani in a red and black frilled skirt and corset, long red stockings, large black boots and a horned headband to top it off. She held a violin bow and case.
"The devil went down to Georgia, she was lookin for a soul to steal. She was in a bind, cause she was way behind, an' was willing to make a deal." Carl sung the ballad with a gentle drawl in this voice. "When she came across this young boy, fiddle sawin' and playin' it hot, she jumped up on a hickory stump an' said.."
"Boy let me tell you what." Dani joined in, her voice as thick and sweet as home made syrup. "I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too. And if you care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you." She prodded the air with her bow at Mark, who stood there with his arms crossed, his fiddle hanging by a few fingers. "Now you play a pretty good fiddle boy, but give the devil her due. I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, cause I think I'm better than you."
"The boy said"
"My name's Johnny, and it might be a sin," Mark piped up, a ring in his voice. "But I'll take your bet, an' you're gonna regret, cause I'm the best there's ever been."
Everyone faced the audience and smiled as they sang.
"Johnny rosin' up your bow and play your fiddle hard, coz hell's broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals the cards. Now if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold, but if you loose the Devil gets your Soul!"
Dani and Mark danced a little jig as Mark fiddled through to the next part of the song.
"The devil opened up her case and said.."
"I'll start this show."
"... Fire blew from her fingertips as she rosin' up her bow. As she pulled the bow across the strings, it made and EVIL HISS! Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this."
Carl and Nat both put on a pair of devil horns and Mark snuck on a guitar to play. As he strummed the strings, his face was of surprise of what he was doing. The lights darkened into an evil red as Dani fiddled harder and harder.
As they finished the Devils solo, he put the guitar back down and picked up his fiddle and bow.
"When they finished, Johnny said"
"We'll you're pretty good, ol' son. But sit right down in that chair right there and I'll show you how it's done!"
"He played"
"Fire on the mountain, Run boys run!"
The entire band joined in, singing the chorus, a cheer in their voice as the stagelights brightened up.
"Devil's in the house of the Risin' sun!"
"Chickens in the Bread pin, pickin' out dough!"
The girls went quiet "Granny does your dog bite"
The Boys went quiet "No, child, No"
Dani acted surprised as her hands and arms acted without her consent to play the fiddle she held.
Carl began the story again after the duet.
"The devil bowed her head because she knew that she'd been beat. And she lay that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnnys feet. Johnny said"
"Devil, just come on back if you ever wanna try again, coz I told you once you son of a gun, I'm the best there's ever been!"
"He played"
"Fire on the Mountain, run boys run! Devils in the house of the rising sun! Chicken in the Bread pin, pickin out dough!"
"Granny does your dog bite."
"No, child, no."
The Violins were on competition now, starting off with a little fun. Dani and Mark matching each others actions and notes, the stage lights glowing into their respective colours of yellow and red as they raged on the stage with their fiddles.
Their stares lock as they stepped closer, their feet stomping on the heavier notes as the song came to an end.
The duo stood straight at the end of the song before bursting into laughter and giving each other a hug.
I walk down the rotted stairs of the back of the house, some of the peeling paint rips off as I jump down two steps at a time.
"Mark!"
Natasha yells to me as she follows me down, concern running down her face like a waterfall. She reaches the bottom of the stairs and calls to me again.
"What!" I roar back at her from the middle of the yard. "I want to be fucking left alone!"
"Why don't you come up and we'll talk about it?"
I slowly turn around, wide eyed with surprise and annoyance.
"What the Fuck did i just say? What have i been saying for the past five minutes?"
"What's wrong?"
"Doesn't anybody listen?" I walk up to her and put my face so close that I almost headbutt her. "People have been fucking pissing me off, and that little cunt, Carl, has finally pushed my buttons enough to earn my fucking cricket bat around his head. The fat fuckhead is giggling his head off because he thinks that this is hilarious! That someone's getting pissed off because he's pushed buttons and they aren't gonna do anything about it because all these people are going to defend him and do the fight for him."
"That's not true," Natalie tries to yell back.
"Bullshit it's not true. I can hear him giggling already." I walk towards the side road.
"Mark, stop."
I quickly turn back to her and roar "Why?"
She's just about ready to cry. Even in my rage I can see that, staring into her eyes.
I turn back to the driveway.
"I'm going for a walk."
The ice rattles in my glass as I stare into my bourbon for a moment. The pool cue in my hand angles so that the rubber is back onto the table. I place the almost empty glass back onto the table and line up my shot.
"How's your night?" One of the girls from the bar calls over to me. A cute little brunette with thin blonde streaks littered about her hair.
I make my shot and watch the 8 ball slowly roll near the back corner pocket. "Could've been better."
"Mind if I ask what's wrong?" she asks as she cleans out a schooner glass.
I stare at her for a moment before picking up my glass, laying the cue on the pool table and walk over to the bar.
"Have you... committed yourself to do something stupid that you know is going to hurt not only you but those around you?" I ask.
She stares at me a little blankly. "No, I haven't. Tell me about it."
"You might have to help me loosen my lips," I say rattling my glass.
"What'll you have?" She smiles and recieves my glass.
"Bourbon lemonade"
"Nice. My name's Tammy by the way."
"Mark" I offer her a twenty. She puts the drink on the counter and gets my change.
"So. What happened?"
I take a long draw of the gentle mix and turn to her.
"A mate of mine, he acts like a tool. Nice guy when he wants to be. But he aims to annoy people. Pushing buttons and he thinks he can get away with it because everyone likes him and all this shit."
"So ignore him."
"Thats the thing. He wanted me to live with him and I took him up on the offer." She scrunches up her nose. "I know. My other roommates at the time were bugging me too. I knew it might happen, but thought I'd be able to stop it from happening."
"So how does this affect everyone else?"
"Well, I finally snapped earlier today and his adopted family," my pants vibrate and my phone starts ringing. "Speak of the devil," and I show her the heading 'Home' on my phone.
Tammy steals it away from me and answers it. "Hello?"
"This is Tammy
"Mark's here.
"He doesn't want to talk at the moment.
A moments silence.
"Okay, I will. Bye."
She hands the phone back to me and smiles. I look at my phone, then to her. Back to my phone and back to Tammy.
"So what did they say?" I ask, curiously.
"Natasha asked me to look after you."
"Fair enough."
I would smile at her, but there's this thing niggling in my mind that keeps repeating itself until i can get over it.
Two days later. I stand outsite my house and see the overgrown trees running up the walls and the dog barking at me.
"Hey, shithead," I kneel down and rub his head.
The door opens and Natasha is there, smiling at me.
"Hey," she says.
"Hey." I continue to play with the dog, not returning her look.
She watches me for a moment until I finish playing and stand up to look at her.
"How are you?"
I shrug. "Alright."
"What happened with that girl?" I walk up and motion to walk past Natasha.
"Went back to her place and I stayed there for a little while."
I walk past and Natasha's smile is gone. She doesn't frown but. She just nods her head and lowers her gaze.
"I'll be in my room," I call back to her.
I open the window frame door and enter my dark room, stepping on some of the aged paint that has finally peeled off onto the rug.
The cool walls make me feel better, more alone so I can brood. The black fading into a blue was a good choice, if i do say so myself.
The coffee table that lays across my rug still littered with paint, models and controllers. My keyboard and mouse are still in the hollows to the side.
My floor couch leans against my bed. Clean as ever. My bed, still a mess and one of my gaming posters has dropped off. Stupid Halo.
I brush off the halo poster and lay down on the bed to stare at the black ceiling.
"So are you ready to talk?" Natasha stands in the doorway.
"Nope."
"Do you plan to?"
"Nope." I rub my hands into my face, my fingers rubbing my slightly tired eyes and my pinkies pinching the bridge of my nose.
"Mark..."
"Nat, if I wanted to talk, I probably would be pouring my emotions out to you already."
I stare at her.
"What about Carl?"
"I don't wanna hear from or of him for a while. Can I ask you and him of that?"
"Why?"
"Coz I'm friggin annoyed. Listen to me and leave me for a few more days and I'll get over it. Okay?"
She stands alone in the middle of the station, staring at the dead ends ahead of her.
He hasn't even noticed her yet. He stares off into the distance, his mind wandering in nothing while music plays in his ears.
A mistake? She considers her options: To retreat the way she came or make the approach to an awkward reintroduction.
Pardon me while I burn. The musics beat taps his foot, his fingers strumming an invisible guitar, his eyes glance away from her.
She sees him looking around and she turns away.
He casts his eyes in her direction and sees only a blurred figure of a tall, slender woman before returning to his habits.
"I miss you," a comment made while cleaning cake off of a fork.
"What do you mean?" she inquires.
"We haven't talked in so long," he says. "I wonder if you're hiding something from me, and i don't care if you're..."
She looks at me filled with surprise.
"It disappoints me that you can go back to someone who is such a dick because his very scent still gets you juiced up between the legs," he says, holding back his tears. "But that's not something to hide from me, regardless of..." he stops himself.
"Do you have any feelings for me?" Her question is abrupt, to shatter the minute of silence just passed.
"Why?" The recipient is worried, the dirty dishes in his hands being scrubbed away of the remains of dinners from the past couple of nights.
"Answer mine first." She places down the cup of coffee onto the table and looks into his eyes.
He stares for a moment and let the dark plate slide back into the murky sink. His eyes slide away into his mind, forming the correct words.
"Let me explain," he requests solemnly. "There are two sides to me. Like a coin, heads and tails. On the tails side is my romantic side. Any feelings that I have had are on that side. And for a long time, I've been rigging the game of cointoss to show heads, at our behest. I know you don't have any romantic feelings for me, and I'm fine with that. There's nothing that will change that, and I'm not going to try. That side of the coin is for you to turn up. I love you, I really do. I'm just not letting myself fall IN love with you."
He turns back to the sink and reaches into the muck, searching for the sponge.
"Mark..." she squeaks.
He looks at her, to the blackened tear streaking down her left cheek. "You're my best friend."
She stands up and runs out the front door, slamming it behind her.
Mark closes his eyes and curses to himself.
'Why am I such an idiot?' he screams through his mind. 'Why do I put myself in stupid places with people?'
He turns around and sees the bottle of bourbon, tempting him from the other side of the room.
'I don't want to think about this.'
He dries his hands on the tea towel hanging from the oven.
'She has been your best friend for years,' he quotes her words while searching for the lemonade in the fridge.
'She won't talk to you again.'
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